Learner's Church Plant

Learner said today that, if he ever planted a church (which he has little desire to do), he would name it Mos Eisley (denomination) Church.

When asked why "Mos Eisley," he quoted Obi-Wan Kenobi of Star Wars: “Never will you find a more wretched hive of scum and villany.”

Oh.

God's Common Grace

From Calvin and Common Grace by John Owen:

"How is it that men who still lie under the wrath and curse of God and are heirs of hell enjoy so many good gifts at he hand of God? How is it that men who are not savingly renewed by the Spirit of God nevertheless exhibit so many qualities, gifts, and accomplishments that promote the preservation, temporal happiness, cultural progress, social and economic improvement of themselves and of others?...How is it that this sin-cursed world enjoys so much favor and kindness at the hand of its holy and ever-blessed Creator?"

Learner's thoughts exactly, he says. "Common grace is so unfair."

Progress: Destination or Journey?

Earlier this week, Learner received an email from the seminary pertaining to the upcoming building project in the center of the small campus. It read:

"A construction trailer will arrive on campus this week, and then, in about 16 months, we hope to have a new 43,000-square-foot academic and administration building. The building will provide more classrooms with greater flexibility, unite our faculty and administrators under one roof, create a dedicated homiletics classroom, as well as a single center for students to interact with Financial Aid, the Business Office, the Registrar, Academic Planning, and Student Services.

Before we can enjoy the new building, however, we will all encounter some changes and potential inconveniences. Here are some of the changes to watch for:

- The official start date for construction is April 16, 2007.
- The main construction trailer will be staged on site either this Friday, March 9, or early next week. It will be located in the grassy area just north of the Archaeology building.
- Temporary fencing will be placed around the construction site for the safety of our children (and curious adults!). As of now, we expect that the fencing will go up after the first of April, but that could change.
- The current bus stop will also be moved for the safety of the children.
- There will be significant changes in traffic flow and parking. Much more information about this will follow.

Staff will see and hear about the traffic flow and parking changes at the All-Staff Meeting on March 26. Campus residents and commuting students will receive information about new traffic patterns, parking changes, the bus stop move, and much more when they return from Spring Break."

As is typical for him in most things, Learner is all for progress - as a destination rather than a journey. The good news is the same as the bad news: if all goes according to schedule (his as well as the seminary's), he should graduate roughly around the same time as the building is complete. Thus, he'll get to experience all the hassles of the building project (listed above), and none of the benefits. And, if you remember, he doesn't particularly do well with campus chaos.

All this, of course, is only if he gets through another 16 months...which means getting through Hebrew (and other classes involving biblical languages). Still, it's only 16 months, and today is the first he's really thought about that.

"Hard to believe," he says. Indeed it is.

Learner & Anger: Growing Up or Growing Older?

Like many, Learner does not like to think of himself as an angry person, but he recognizes that he is – or at least can be – given the right situation, threat, or (dare he say it?) desire. He wouldn’t say he grew up in an angry family, but he did see anger used occasionally as a tool and a means for either getting one’s way or not letting others have theirs. Is there a difference between the two? Regardless, anger was an instrument of control – of preference, of environment – and he has been too good a student of its many uses.

In thinking through this, Learner says, certain questions come to mind pertaining to his anger tendencies: Does his becoming so angry so quickly over so many trivial things in life contribute to the fact that he is hardly angry enough over injustices in the world that merit true righteous anger? Why does one of his daughters spilling milk at dinner (again) cause his blood to boil more than the reality of someone else’s daughter not having any milk to drink because of political embargoes? Why does someone – always the same guy! – talking loudly (and always at length) in the library make him more angry than the fact that someone else cannot speak because of governmental censorship laws in another country?

If, as one of Learner's recent authors writes, “anger reminds us that we do not live in utopia,” the question begs asking: What kind of utopia must he want to live in if the reasons for his anger are so pathetically inconsequential? What does this tell him about his ideals and the extent to which he pursues them? His tendency, he says, is to act out – to make a scene, a point, or a big deal about an annoyance – making him the issue rather than the issue itself.

Sadly, he can’t say he's grown as much in this area of sanctification as he would like, and Mrs. Learner and the kids are the ones who suffer most because of his “melancholic funks”. Unfortunately, this is some of what he was taught in his youth, and some of what he learned growing up.

"Or at least," he says, "when I was growing 'older'".

Shaken AND Stirred

Learner took his first exam of the semester this morning, a 185-point monster over the book of Acts. The Smiling Assassin has struck, and Learner's wondering how to stop the bleeding.

The sad part, he says, is he actually studied - 50 pages of notes, 250 pages of previously highlighted readings, a memorized outline of the 28 chapters of Acts - he studied it all.

The mistake he made was not doing the Greek translations, which, even though the Assassin said were going to be minimal on the exam, were not. (That, or he and the Assassin have two different ideas of what "minimal" means, which could very well be a possibility, as he is German.) Either way, says Learner, "Whups."

He's hoping for a big curve - a circle curve even, where the worst you do, the better you do - but that's a little optimistic, especially for him. We'll see. In the meantime, he's gearing up for starting in on Galatians tomorrow and hoping for the best.

Ordained to What?

Learner is studying in the student center, semi-eavesdropping on a conversation between two visiting pastors and a graduating student about his upcoming graduation and ordination in May. The conversation goes something like this:

Student: What do I REALLY need to know for ordination exams?

Visiting pastor #1: Know where you stand on the New Perspective on Paul, Federal Vision, and paedobaptism.

Student: Anything else?

Visiting pastor #2: Don't choose to sit in the middle chair.

Maybe it's because he doesn't know (or passionately care all that much right now) where he stands on any of the above, but Learner assumes there's a consideration of the student's knowledge of Jesus as well.

But that's probably just over a coffeebreak or something.

Counseling Class Humor

From Learner's Intro to Counseling class this evening:

"Neurotics build castles in the air.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent."

Nothing funnier than depression humor, says Learner.

Hammy, Sting, and the Smiling Assassin

Rather than explain my past month-and-a-half absence from chronicling the life and times of Learner, I'm pleased to report that he has begun a new semester, one he is enjoying for a variety of reasons, not the least of them being that he has class with three new professors he has not had before. The reading is heavy (at least in terms of volume), and the writing will be likewise, but hearing new voices and experiencing new teaching styles in communicating the content is a needed refreshment, he says.

Each of his new professors has a distinct style and personality, and Learner (who is far too aware of such things), has (lovingly) identified their more famous counterparts: Hammy, Sting, and the "Blond Bond" (also known on campus as "the Smiling Assassin").

Hammy teaches Reformation & Modern Church History, is young, and, by his own admission (and like his hyperactive namesake from the movie, Over the Hedge), could benefit from taking a handful of quaalude sedatives before teaching in his hyperactive way. Still, he's smart, loves baseball (always a plus in Learner's book), and is obviously passionate about his subject.

Sting teaches Learner's Intro to Counseling Class, is quite refined, and speaks with a British accent. Learner says he keeps waiting for the VH-1 Behind the Music crew to show up and chronicle Sting's newest creative endeavor - teaching biblical counseling at a U.S. seminary - but that hasn't happened yet. In the meantime, Learner says, he keeps looking for a stanza or two from "Message in a Bottle" in the course notes, but he hasn't found it.

The Blond Bond/Smiling Assassin teaches Acts & Paul, is a native German who speaks fluent English, and, says Learner, is an incredible lecturer who carries himself as more of an international academic (which he is). Impressed with both his handle on English as well as Greek, Learner is sure he must speak at least 10 other languages fluently as well as part of his covert training from the CIA, MI-6, and whatever the German equivalent of special ops is.

As he always does, Learner takes great pleasure in spending the first day(s) of class painstakingly entering every single assignment into his organizational system, dividing reading assignments across the weeks of the semester, taking note of when papers are due, and ensuring that any quizzes or exams are on his calendar. This easily takes a good couple of hours to do, but once entered, Learner lives and breathes by this system, which seems to have served him well so far.

There's nothing quite like a new semester, he says, referencing the shelf of new required reading and syllabi and notes he's already taken in the week of classes he's already had. Thankfully, his schedule seems to be a little more conducive to bigger blocks of study time, and he has so far made good use of those chunks, investing them in the library reading and marking in his new study carrell upstairs.

While he tries to study in a new place each semester so he doesn't get in a rut, Learner says he does have affections for certain locations and, when the paper writing begins, he'll probably mosey back downstairs to his favorite Reference table, as even when the library is full, rarely does anyone sit there because of the "Reference" sign hanging above it. It's a little thing - thinking that sign marks his own, personal "reserved" spot (sort of like having a "regular table" in his favorite restaurant) - and each time Learner walks by and no one happens to be sitting there, he smiles to himself, happy.

Suffice it to say, Learner's new professors aren't the only interesting ducks in the seminary pond...

When Did Women Become an "Issue"?

From a one-page reflection Learner turned in for his Epistles class:

Whether you are a traditionalist or an evangelical feminist, describe how you believe women should use their gifts in the church effectively in the church today.

My experience with women in ministry has been primarily within a parachurch organization rather than a church. As a result, I am not uncomfortable with the idea of women leading men (at least within parachurch ministries), though I would say I am traditional in my perspective of men being theological leaders within the church.

That said (and perhaps blending my parachurch experiences with my church theology), I think there is much more room for women to use their gifts in the church today than they perhaps have opportunity to do so. I appreciate our church’s efforts to incorporate women into the worship service (formal welcome at the beginning; reading the Scriptures; leading musical numbers; co-teaching with men on topics that are more relational than purely theological). In addition, our church is reinstating the role of “deaconess” in 2007, a move which I think is great for meeting crisis needs women in the church might have through a woman trained and commissioned to deal with them.

The key to allowing strong women gifted in the area of leadership is to ensure that strong men are positioned to provide leadership for them. The women in the New Testament were strong women, but there was no question that Paul, Peter, and the other apostles were equipped, confident, and over them in a leadership function and role. I think this fits both biblically as well as experientially, and I hope that my generation can do more to strike a happy medium in which men are fulfilling their roles within the church so women can as well.

It's a little short and under-developed, but you get the gist.

Language Day from Hell

Learner has spent a majority of the day (and is continuing this evening) in the arena of the biblical languages of Greek and Hebrew. Beginning at 5:30 a.m. this morning and running until (he guesses) approximately 10 p.m. tonight with nary a break in between, he has been reading both right to left and left to right en masse.

If you know anything about Learner and languages, you know today has not been a fun one. One week to go before semester's end.

Real Theological Heroes

Learner thought this anonymous submission to the seminary's bi-weekly newsletter was pseudo-clever. It's a play off the Bud Light's "Real Men of Genius/Real American Hero" radio commercials. (I've edited the lyrics slightly to protect our locational anonymity):

The seminary presents real theological heroes
Today we salute you First Year Seminary Student.
FIRST YEAR SEMINARY STUDENT!

You answered the call, now you're reading The Call.
Soon you'll learn things you never thought could be learned:
parsing Greek, reading books, and oh, drinking lots of coffee.

Where there's a personality test, you'll take it.
A genitive, you'll parse it.
An FCF, you'll find it.
FALLEN CONDITION FOCUS!

So crack open that Metzger lexicon, oh master of the Divine languages. It may be Greek to you now, but someday you'll get it.

First Year Seminary student.....

The Seminary, Somewhere in the Midwest

Granted, he says, it loses a bit (okay, a lot) in the Web replication, but if you've heard the commercials, you can imagine it.

At Last

From the seminary's student portal (and much to Learner's delight):

"Cell phone users need to avoid disturbing others who are studying in the Library. Please be considerate by turning down or off the phone’s 'ring' and going to a place away from others, such as a stairwell, to carry on your conversation. If you are disturbed by cell phones and, for whatever reason, do not want to accost those disturbing you, please alert a library staff member."

"It's about time," says Learner.

Gratitude

Good news: Learner has decided to continue with the M.Div., raising support for another six months (and no longer), and finding full-time employment come summer (and probably dropping to part-time student status). The reduced school hours will most likely mean having to move off-campus, but as the winter months are now here and the three-bedroom apartment feels ever smaller on a daily basis, that may not be all that bad a thing in the end. He just hates moving.

On a different note, Learner is fundraising not only for himself, but also for the seminary. A month ago he received this email:

As stewards of the gifts from those who give money to the seminary for student scholarships, we in the Financial Aid Office often hear your thanks and appreciation for the financial assistance you receive. While we delight to hear it, we would like those who donate the money to receive thanks as well. Therefore, we are asking that you write a thank you letter, telling something about yourself and your future plans, which will be given to one of the seminary’s donors.

And then, for added motivation:

You may have noticed that a "thank you hold" has been placed on your student account. When we receive your letter, the hold will be removed. Please turn it in to the Financial Aid Office to insure that you will be able to receive your scholarship for the January and Spring terms. Also, you will not be able to do online registration in January if the hold is still on your account.

So, a week late, here's what Learner finally sat down and wrote:

Dear Friend of the Seminary,

On behalf of Mrs. Learner and our four children, I’d like to say thanks for your support of and contribution to the seminary.

As a family of six living here on campus, we have a few more costs than an average single or newly-married student. Here to pursue the Master of Divinity degree, we knew the financial aspect of seminary would be a difficult one, and the reality of our hunch was complicated by the fact that we had to sell our house for approximately $40,000 less than we had planned, which we had hoped to apply toward the cost of school.

While we’ve been able to raise support to cover our monthly living expenses, we would not be able to pay for school without a school loan (which we have taken out) and the 50% tuition scholarship made available by the seminary. Because of your support of the seminary, our loan amount will be considerably less than it might have been otherwise, which is a huge gift. True, we’re going to graduate with some debt, but it won’t be nearly as much as it would have been otherwise without your gift. Thank you.

We are here to “study to show ourselves approved” in hope of one day formally entering the pastorate or teaching in the high school or college classroom. We’ve been here a year-and-a-half and thoroughly enjoyed our time, as we are learning much about God, the Scriptures, the good world he created, and ourselves. It’s been all we hoped for and more.

So, thank you for your part in helping us as we pursue God’s call on our lives. We’re grateful for your contribution in the past, and trust God will enable and lead you to continue your support of the seminary in the future. Whether you feel it has or not, we know it’s made a big difference for our family.

Again, thank you.

Sincerely,

Learner (for all)

A nice letter. Granted, the "It's been all we hoped for and more" may be a little over-the-top, but Learner says donors love that stuff.

To the Nth Degree?

The Thanksgiving Break is upon us, and none too soon. It seems just a few posts ago I was writing about Learner's Fall Break at the end of October. I guess that's what happens when one only posts one other time in the month of November. Time flies when you're not blogging.

As they all seem to be, this particular break is an important one as Learner has several decisions to make:

1) Do they as a family continue trying to raise support (which has dropped significantly in the past three months) in order to remain in seminary full-time? If not, does Learner get a full-time job and continue classes at a much slower pace? And because only full-time students are allowed to live on campus, where do they then live?

2) Does Learner continue to pursue the M.Div degree (3 1/2-4 years) or does he settle for the M.A.T.S. (Arts and Theological Studies), finishing up (most likely) by the end of next summer? The difference in degrees is huge (or at least seems so) in terms of post-seminary opportunties, but so is the cost involved in time, money, and Hebrew.

3) Regarding Hebrew, does Learner make a last-ditch effort to try to salvage the rest of the semester and miraculously pull it out in the end (and it would take a miracle), taking a chance on pulling a decent grade on the final and with much grace from his professor? Or, does he let it go and try again either in the spring or the summer?

Obviously, all of these questions are intricately related: if the M.Div is no longer an option, Hebrew doesn't need to be either (which is part - but not all - of Learner's current lack of motivation to study it). And, if the M.A.T.S. ends up being the way out, being full-time (and thus trying to raise support) doesn't seem quite as necessary either.

Big decisions. In the midst of all this, of course, is the element of calling. What is it that God wants? Learner's best attempt at answering that question falls along these lines:

1) SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT OF PEOPLE - Share people’s struggles about the Christian faith and help them reflect on beliefs, concerns, doubts regarding Christian understanding of spiritual dimensions of life.

2) TEACHING RESPONSIBILITY - Accept an active teaching role, interpreting and teaching the Scriptures, theological concepts, history of church/current events.

3) ADMINISTRATIVE LEADERSHIP - Accept administrative responsibilities in climate of delegated tasks and shared leadership; others encouraged to use skills.

4) PROCLAMATION OF THE WORD - The word of God is communicated with urgency and conviction, bringing it to bear on the changing needs of individuals, the community, and the world.

5) DISCIPLESHIP TRAINING - Emphasis on training people in basics of spiritual growth to be disciplemakers.

6) ENCOURAGING MINISTRY OF THE LAITY - Creative ideas/directions developed; many with appropriate skills stimulated to become involved in service.

That said, Thanksgiving comes at a good time for Learner and company. They'll get some time on the farm, be with family, and hopefully Learner and the Lord can go for a long walk (or even a couple of them) as he tries to discern what God is saying.

If you pray, do so. And, if you have any thoughts you'd like Learner to consider, email them to me and I'll see that he gets them.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Post-Seminary

Latest in Learner's category of "what post-seminary will one day be like": reading books without highlighter in hand.

Boat Trip on the River Denial?

Just got an email from Learner. Apparently, their trip so far is all they had hoped it would be (quiet, relaxing, enjoyable), but not all is peaches and cream. He writes:

"Not great news from our church - apparently we're $1,200 in deficit over the past three months in terms of our support raising. In addition, we're barely a third of the way for November's paycheck. This is not good.

For the first time in a while, Mrs. Learner and I lamented our financial situation, and for the first time in a very long while, I detected some fear within myself as to how any of this will work out, both in the long- and short-terms. We talked of how we could get out from under the fundraising burden, but there seems little way to do this without quitting school, and doing that cuts off the degree that would seemingly open the doors to what I think/hope I'm actually able to do.

It all suddenly seems to futile, and I wonder if we'll be able to finish this school year, let alone the M. Div. track I'm on. For the first time, I heard myself say that that was okay, too, which raises all kinds of questions as to how much to fight for this and how much to just let it go, get a paying job of some kind, and finish out life at least being able to pay bills.

As I was relating some of this to a friend here (good visit, by the way), he said that I should try to start something. His suggestion made me wonder what happened to my once-entrepreneurial spirit? Maybe realism set in or I just got lazy, but I haven't seen that side of me for some time. And even if I had the itch, I'm not sure where to scratch - what can I do that would be both fulfilling and something someone would pay me to do? It seems that most of my life, I've never been able to line those two things up very well, if at all.

What does God have for us? How much of this is his problem and how much of it is mine? What am I missing here and how am I to proceed? Is it true that "where God guides, he provides" or not? Is the question one of provision or of guidance? Are we out of his will (whatever that means?), or just not doing it correctly? What is he asking us to do? How are we to respond?"

From the sound of things, he's more confused than depressed (though it's never a long trip between the two). I think he knows they'll come out of this and look back on it with good stories one day, but it's always more difficult to make sense of things in the midst of trial than on the backside of it. And where they are is in the midst of it.

In Dire Need of Fall Break

In roughly 24 hours, Learner will be on fall break - namely no classes on Thursday and Friday, with Saturday and Sunday off as well. And, he says, it won't be too soon.

While it's not like the professors withhold assignments or promise no quizzes the following week, two days with no classes (even if he only has one each on those two days, both at 8 a.m.) is a good thing. The grind of attending class, trying to pay attention, and actually learn something can take more of a toll than he sometimes realizes. Learner says it will be nice to have four straight days out of a classroom.

The break gives Learner and his family a chance to get away, which they are planning to do with a five-hour trip to a new city they've not visited before. Their plan is to stay at a beautiful house that belongs to friends who (unfortunately) are going to be out of town for the weekend. Learner is planning to read during the drivetime, in hopes of being able to really relax when they arrive at their destination. Like Mrs. Learner (who is almost giddy with excitement about getting away), he is very much looking forward to the time...and counting the hours until they depart.

Learner asked if I wanted to accompany the family, but I declined. Sometimes I wonder if Mrs. Learner is a bit weary of me, as I always seem to be wherever Learner is. In an effort to be sensitive to that, I thanked him for the invitation, told him to have a good time, and assured him that I'd just be with him in spirit.

Midterm Time

In case you haven't figured out by my lack of posts of late reporting on Learner's seminary experiences, it's midterm time. When I last asked him for an update, he assured me there's plenty of good material coming, but it would have to wait due to a few select projects and exams, as well as a stack of papers from others to grade. His semester isn't particularly overwhelming this fall (3 classes, 10 hours), but he has a few other irons in the fire that seem to have complicated things a bit (more on those later).

In the meantime, I can happily report that in Learner's rematch with Hebrew, he got the better of his opponent, scoring an 88 on the midterm. Twenty-eight points improvement from the summer did his heart good, and he's enjoying the language (and working at it as well) much more than he did in the summer. He knows it's going to get harder and more complex as he goes, but at least he's got an anchor point of a respectable score to work from now.

Rematch

Today at 12:30, Learner faces his nemesis from the summer: the Hebrew mid-term. He tried to transliterate what payback was, but while sharper than its ever been, his vocab is still limited.

A (Long) Lament for the Church

Taken from Learner's journal entry, written as part of the seminary's annual day of prayer this morning:

"God, here I am with another complaint, yet one that is near to your heart (and becoming more so to mine). I don't desire to whine, but that's all I seem to do after I make such a qualification. Hear me, God, and understand my heart.

I'm weary, Jesus, of your ugly bride - of her inadequacies, of her incompetencies, of her indecency. I'm weary of how your grace covers a multitude of her sins when, frankly, a little more of your wrath (or at least your discipline) might seem to bring about faster change. I'm weary of how your bride is little more than a whore in a wedding dress, and how that seems to bother me more than it does you.

I'm tired of your chosen companion to whom you have committed yourself - she is self-absorbed, completely clueless, and driving me crazy with her wedding plans. If you would just set a date and get married already, then maybe you would be able to (finally) get her under control.

She is rude, Jesus - and arrogant, too, so much so that everything she does is tainted with pride and a lack of honest reflection and communication with you. How can you allow this to go on? Does it not bother you that excellence and beauty are of little concern to her? Are you not aware of how poorly she does everything and is either unaware or unconcerend with her performance? Are you even aware or concerned with her performance? Sometimes I wonder.

Does it not bother you, the words she puts in your mouth? The assumptions she makes? The lack of concern she seems to exhibit for what you have always said you cared about? Does it not bother you that she is flirtatious and easily distracted by other suitors? That she is a gossip? That she is both a prostitute and a prude, depending on who's watching?

And to think, you are still engaged to her after all this time! Why? How can you love her - care for her - think of her with any kind of hope for change in your heart? How can who she is be worthy of who you are? And why am I so offended and almost sorry for the fact that you are so in love with her? She doesn't at all seem your type or on your level.

And yet you are in love with her - you say you are, you show you are, you're sure you are. You're not ashamed of her (or at least you don't seem to be), and you've yet to reconsider your commitment to her (at least not that I know of). You've lain down your life for her and put your reputation (which, in most circles, is quite good when it's apart from her) on the line by not just associating with her, but by being her beau.

And you're patient with her, both now and presumably in the future. And while I don't even begin to understand that, I admire you for it. I want to try to understand, and I want to try to love her the way you love her (though I may not always know why). I know you love her, and that must mean she's worth loving - or maybe she's not, but you do anyway.

Forgive me for my critique; for my own unloveableness; for my own unwillingness to love. Help me love that which you do - in the way you do - to the degree you do.

And send me an invite to the wedding. As much as it's hard to believe, I want to be there when you two finally get hitched."

Happiness Is...

Learner and I went to a bachelor party for a guy he mentored last school year (he gets married today). The party was at Learner's associate pastor's apartment and, after everyone had arrived, then moved to the roof of the 17-story building for drinks and stogies.

While Learner's not one for cigars, he did say that happiness is having an associate pastor who makes the world's greatest gin and tonic.

Writing and the Seminary Experience

Learner is desperately trying to work through a set of papers he is to grade for the seminary's Spiritual and Ministry Formation summer class. While the occasional paper stands out, in general, the writing overall is somewhat lacking.

When I ask him to clarify, his list is as follows:

- poor spelling and missing words
- typos and inconsistent spacing
- lack of structure and logical flow of thought
- little to no documentation of sources quoted
- little to no practical or personal application

In the midst of reading the papers, Learner said there is one positive aspect he can think of: "It's a safe bet nobody's plagiarizing," he said.

Changes Sequel

Learner got semi-rebuked this morning by the chapel coordinator (I'll call her "Fortissima") for his chapel attendance observations, which I shared in my previous post.

"Could it be," she asked, "that attendance is up because of purposeful changes we've made in chapel - adding student testimonies, including more students and their musical gifts - rather than just because of increased student numbers and that it's early in the semester?"

Learner was surprised by Fortissima's reproach, mostly because he was dumbfounded someone had actually read his thoughts here and had confronted him with them in real life.

Looks like I'm going to have to work even harder to get anything out of him now, especially now that he knows we actually have readers.

And looks like he's for sure going to chapel later this morning.

Changes

The weather seems to be changing and Learner and the family are very much enjoying the temperature difference of late. Though the trees have yet to drastically change their color, it won't be long now, and Learner has been in a particularly good mood recently anticipating this transition.

Other changes he's noticed:

- Hebrew (the second time around) isn't so bad. Granted, he hasn't gotten to the place yet where he began to really fall off the wagon the first time, but his sense of calm with the rehashed material at a slightly slower pace has made him feel more at peace.

- In general, his reading is more but less, as a majority of his books are more popular/practical than academic/theological this semester. While he still is required to read a few books he won't try to start before he goes to bed, he has many more that move down to the next level and begin to draw more modern applications.

- Class sizes seem larger this year than last, both in classes he's had as well as in the ones he has, and he's not particularly happy about that fact. Several times he's had flashbacks to courses in college in which he could become quite anonymous, do the readings and homework, pass the exams, and never really have a conversaton with the professor. This, he says, is not what grad school/seminary is supposed to be.

- More people are attending chapel this year than last, but that may be because 1) there are more people enrolled (as mentioned above); and 2) it's still September, a month or so before the big projects are due.

He wonders: if the attendance changes back, is that really a change?

I tell him to get back to Hebrew and stop analyzing everything.

Learner the Emotional Adolescent

Learner just took the Emotional/Spiritual Health Inventory from Peter Scazzero's book, The Emotionally Healthy Church, which he is reading for his Marriage and Family Counseling class. According to the test (as found on pages 60-66 in the book), Learner says he's an official "emotional adolescent" (as opposed to an emotional infant, child, or adult), the definition of which is:

"Like a physical adolescent, I know the right ways I should behave in order to 'fit in' mature, adult society. I can feel threatened and alarmed inside when I am offered constructive criticism, quickly becoming defensive. I subconsciously keep records on the love I give out, so I can ask for something in return at a later time. When I am in conflict, I might admit some fault in the matter, but I will insist on demonstrating the guilt of the other party, proving why they are more to blame. Because of my commitment to self-survival, I have trouble really listening to another person's pain, disappointments, or needs without becoming preoccupied with myself."

I assured him that, while there may be a few true themes, the results weren't quite as overarchingly accurate as he perhaps thought. He conceded my point, saying that in a few categories (looking beneath the surface, breaking the power of the past, living in brokenness and vulnerability), he actually scored on the low end of adulthood.

"Not bad for a 35-year-old," he said.

Finally

This past Saturday, Learner took the "wretched" Bible Content exam for the fourth and final time (else he has to take the class).

Needed score: 105. Earned score: 113.

Finally.

Class starts on Thursday. More as I have it.

End-of-Summer Picnic

Once again, Learner found himself behind the grill at Friday's end-of-summer edition of the seminary picnic. Eye protection was a must because of the smoke, but I'd say he kind of overdid it here.

Aaron by George Herbert

Learner shared with me this beautiful poem by George Herbert, about a pastor's wrestling with his inadequacies and the call to the pastorate. The professor read it aloud - the only way to read poetry, Learner says - and apparently it was quite touching to the class.

Aaron
Holinesse on the head,
Light and perfections on the breast,
Harmonious bells below, raising the dead
To leade them unto life and rest.
Thus are true Aarons drest.

Profanenesse in my head,
Defects and darknesse in my breast,
A noise of passions ringing me for dead
Unto a place there is no rest.
Poore priest thus am I drest.

Onely another head
I have, another heart and breast,
Another musick, making live not dead,
Without whom I could have no rest:
In him I am well drest.

Christ is my onely head,
My alone onely heart and breast,
My onely musick, striking me ev'n dead;
That to the old man I may rest,
And be in him new drest.

So holy in my head,
Perfect and light in my deare breast,
My doctrine tun'd by Christ, (who is not dead,
But lives in me while I do rest)
Come people; Aaron's drest.

Isaiah 50

Good words this morning with regard to two different paths of living (and their outcomes), from one of Learner's favorites, Isaiah 50:

10 Who among you fears the Lord
and obeys the voice of his servant?
Let him who walks in darkness
and has no light
trust in the name of the Lord
and rely on his God.

11 Behold, all you who kindle a fire,
who equip yourselves with burning torches!
Walk by the light of your fire,
and by the torches that you have kindled!
This you have from my hand:
you shall lie down in torment.

Classical Calling

Learner just turned in the last of his Pastoral Theology book reflection papers. He says that Andrew Purves’ Pastoral Theology in the Classical Tradition was a needed read for the sake of his historical understanding of the call, role, and office of pastor.

Studying the lives of early church fathers like Gregory of Nazianzus, John Chrysostom, and Gregory the Great, as well as Reformer Martin Bucer and Puritan Richard Baxter, Purves paints in broad strokes the colors that most highlight the pastoral role’s more classical tradition. Most interesting to him was the theme of the importance of honest self-evaluation and accompanying action, as illustrated in this quote from Purves, quoting Gregory the Great:

“Gregory argues that to reject a call to ministry when one is well qualified and graced for the work is false humility. Thus the general axiom: ‘One who has not been cleansed, must not dare to undertake sacred ministries; and one who has been cleansed by supernal graces, must not proudly resist under the guise of humility’ (I.7,33). Typical of Gregorian antinomies, a false humility may hide a corresponding pride!” (66)

According to Learner, the irony of Purves’ book and those pastors he studies within it is that almost each one, at some point, purposely and aggressively (and sometimes even physically) fled God’s pastoral call on their lives. It became humorous (and humbling to him) to read of these men and their strong belief in one’s need to be clearly called by God to the pastorate as evidenced by their hesitancy to embrace such a call because of their own perceived inadequacy.

Learner's questions: how did they relinquish their fears and submit themselves to God and such a great call? And how did they justify this change in perspective to themselves, their friends, and those who they were to serve in this call? After all, it wasn’t that the terms of the call changed; rather, they did in considering it. What must this process have been like for each man?

For most of his life, Learner has written off the pastoral role as not being for him. This disregard has been due to his own less-than positive opinions of certain pastors from his past, as well as from certain others’ less-than affirming voices – not of him personally, but of the pastorate/church in general. As a result, he has not until now – a full year into his seminary experience – begun to seriously ask God if a pastoral call is his desire for him, as he came to seminary with a view to teach in academia, not to pastor.

Learner wonders about inquiring as to this call is what God would have him do? After all, with regard to a call to the pastorate, shouldn’t he simply just know, making the decision of “Will I or won’t I accept it?” the key question rather than “Am I or aren’t I called in the first place?” From his reading of Purves, both questions – only in reverse order – seemed in play in the lives of those studied: “Am I or aren’t I?” first; “Will I or won’t I?” second.

The scary part is that in asking the first question first (which he's beginning to do, and should have done before), the second question becomes scarier to consider…and answer. But then again, maybe that’s the point with regard to the seriousness of the pastoral call.

Summer Regrets, Accomplishments

After struggling with/suffering through Hebrew this summer (and only then to a point of auditing rather than passing), Learner is again refreshed by the breath of fresh air that is non-grammatical in nature, namely the Pastoral Theology intensive he started this morning. Learner so loves classes like this - one where verb forms and conjugations barely enter the fray - and he's looking forward to soaking up the next nine days of three-hour intensives of pure, unadulterated ideas, concepts, and applications.

While he didn't do so well in Hebrew, he did do well in plowing through the five books of required reading for the Pastoral Theology class, even getting three of the four reflection papers written ahead of time. This has allowed him time to really think through the content of the books and live with the material a bit going into the class, a fact he's glad for. Thought not suceeding in Hebrew is a big regret, faithfully getting the reading done for Pastoral Theology was an accomplishment of the summer.

Other regrets/accomplishments? Both words may be a little strong for the following lists, but the things that he says come to mind are:

Regrets

- Not exercising more and losing some weight (he makes it to the YMCA about once a week, but that doesn't do much)
- Not getting to know more people from church (he got to know a few better, but not a lot a little more)
- Not listening to new music more critically (it's been a long, long time since he's been able to do that)
- Not seeing Les Miserables when it came through town on its closing tour (though he did see Phantom)
- Not reading more fiction (for obvious reasons - see above)
- Not reading the Bible more consistently and devotionally (he's not sure why, but this is just not happening)

Accomplishments

- Making it an official year in the apartment as a family (without driving each other completely crazy)
- Trusting God for both a new job and car for the fall (and seeing God graciously provide both)
- Getting to know a few profs better (and being asked by two of them to serve as a teaching assistant)
- Teaching child #2 to ride a bike
- Continuing to deal actively with others as to his sin
- Beginning to understand and (sometimes) seeming to grow in grace and the gospel (with which he once felt bored)

He's still very glad and very content to be here and grateful to God for all that he's teaching him and all that's he's learning.

I'm glad as well - a year or so ago, I wasn't sure we'd still be here.

No Additional Postage Necessary

For most of the weekend, Learner says he has been thinking about whether or not he's praying enough (or as enough as he wants in order to feel that he has) for Mrs. Learner and their children.

Walking into church this morning, he picked up a bulletin with the normally-enclosed prayer postcard randomly addressed to a member of the fellowship. Opening the bulletin, Learner looked at the name and address on the card. It was his and Mrs. Learner's.

Message received, he says. No additional postage necessary.

Ambiguity and the Pastoral Call

Learner just finished another book on the topic of pastoring: William H. Willimon’s Pastor: The Theology and Practice of Ordained Ministry, a book he says he sees himself re-reading almost annually if indeed he found himself following a call into the pastorate. This may be one of the more important, applicable books he reads in seminary.

Willimon, former professor and dean of students at Duke, speaks from both education and experience about a variety of topics related to the call to pastor – images/expectations of a twenty-first century pastor; the pastor as priest, interpreter of Scripture, preacher, counselor, teacher, evangelist, prophet, and leader; and (perhaps the most helpful section for Learner), the character and constancy of a pastor for effectiveness over the long haul. Willimon writes:

“Because of the ill-defined nature of the pastoral ministry, the work demands a high level of internal control…in conscientious persons this encourages a heightened sense of responsibility and can lead to an oppressive situation if the person is not only conscientious but also perfectionistic as well as unrealistic.” (317)

Willimon goes on to write, quoting a colleague who was a pastoral counselor for 15 years:

“The essential personality requisite for happiness in the pastoral ministry was a ‘high tolerance for ambiguity.’” (324)

Conscientious (but not perfectionistic) ambiguity? Why, Learner wonders, would he want to subject himself to such insane demands? And why would God possibly call someone like him – an INTJ who loves closure almost as much as life itself – into the pastorate?

Actually, he's come a long way in his dealings with things ambiguous. Getting married and learning to live with someone who is not as consumed by these feelings helps; so does having children. In the past year, prescribed drugs have taken the edge off the perfectionism some, as has prayer and getting more to a point of recognizing that God really is the only one of us in control. It hasn’t been the smoothest or most pleasant of transitions, but it has been a transition – a change – and that’s important…and good.

While he supposes it’s always a temptation, he doesn't see himself struggling with being faithful to the work of the call – both his history and sense of responsibility work against laziness in that case. He says he does feel, however, that the tendency toward overworking and perfectionism might be his greater temptation, as well as the urge “to have an answer” and “figure out” God and what he may be doing in ambiguous situations in his life and in the lives of others.

By God’s grace, the key, Learner says, to dealing with any of this seems three-fold: 1) Recognize (repeatedly) his own limits in what he can and can’t do; 2) Learn and experience more in prayer how to trust God for what he can and can’t solve; and 3) Surround himself with others who will help him do numbers one and two faithfully and joyfully, a call almost as intimidating as the pastoral one.

On Being "Old School"

Learner's making progress working through the reading list for his upcoming Pastoral Theology class in August. He just finished Derek Prime and Alistair Begg’s On Being a Pastor, a somewhat dated (1989) but generally helpful book on the firsthand practicalities of the role, office, and attitude of pastor. While the writing is a bit stiff (not to mention predictable in its repetitive chapter presentations of principle, supporting points, dual perspectives, and summary), Learner appreciated their hearts to share honestly about their pastoral journeys.

The chapters he found most interesting were those on the topics he finds myself most interested in: life and character; study; pastoral care; the responsibility to lead, etc. However, in the midst of these topics (in the preaching chapter – another he enjoyed), Derek Prime’s thought on training for ministry was particularly striking to him:

“One reason I would discourage a young man from training for the ministry straight from school or university is that he probably does not have that experience of life that will be so important in relating his ministry of God’s Word to men and women’s real life situations.” (128)

Learner says he resonates with Prime’s recommendation, both intellectually as well as experientially. Coming to seminary twelve years after college and after some wonderful hands-on ministry experience in a diverse set of people situations, he feels much more prepared and able to contextualize the deep teaching and theology he's now getting. While not true in every case, he does sense an advantage in being one of the “older” guys here, as the seasoning of having been in the trenches with people is very preparatory, much more so than can be taught in a classroom.

At the same time, a few disadvantages of his semi-late seminary start come to mind: lacking a well-developed ecclesiology; missing out on some earlier formal education to help categorize aspects of his theology (his friend/mentor, Paul, says that 90% of education is simply naming things, with which Learner says he agrees); and probably missing the window of pursuing doctoral work after seminary (which seems to be less and less a desire/option with each month, at least from a chronological, stage-of-life perspective).

Still, he says he's grateful for the time invested before seminary, during which he spent less time wrestling with the answers of life and instead took some time to recognizing life's questions. You can read about them in books, he says, but until you walk through the process of helping someone come up with and begin to wrestle with them, you’re just a theoretician and consultant, not a pastor (a role Learner is becoming more and more interested in long-term).

Friday Round-Up

Just a short post as to pseudo-monumental events of the past week:

Learner continues to improve his score on the third version of the seminary's mandatory Bible content exam, this time missing the pass mark by only two points (103 out of 150 - the required pass mark is 105). He has one last chance next month to pass the exam before having to sign up for the year-long course, so he's hopeful (though he feels like he missed his best chance so far, as this version of the exam seemed the easiest of the three).

After Hebrew on Monday night, Learner participated in his friend Rob's sometimes-monthly poker tournament. Such an appearance is not all that significant, save for the fact that Learner actually drank an entire bottle of beer (his first in its entirety, ever). This, despite playing lousy poker for 4-5 hands, seemed to redeem the evening (albeit, in a junior high kind of way, Learner said), and he has encouraged Rob to keep the empty bottle on a shelf with a plaque underneath to commemorate the accomplishment.

It's the little things that motivate him these days, he says.

Dear Giving Friends

It's a new day.

To illustrate, here's an email Learner just sent out to those friends and family who have financially supported him and Mrs. Learner through their first year of seminary. (Whether or not it was really necessary to email his supporters he says he'll never know, but he did say it eased his conscience a bit in sending it, so he's glad he did.)

Anyway, the letter:

Dear Giving Friends,

Gather 'round for the story of a boy still learning about his own limitations. It's hardly tragic (actually, it's more comedic if you think about it, though it didn't seem so a few days ago). Regardless, it goes something like this:

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Learner. After a successful academic first year at semninary, Learner enrolled in Hebrew class for the summer. Having conquered (okay, "survived") Greek, how hard could Hebrew be, really?

Well, he just found out. After going strong through the first three weeks, Learner somehow failed the first exam (as well as the three subsequent quizzes afterward). As a result of this unfortunate turn of events, the boy's fairy tale of breezing through Hebrew this summer is, well, still a fairy tale (though, as in the best fairy tales), not all is lost. There is hope.

Thankfully, the seminary was most gracious in allowing Learner to audit the class the rest of the summer and reenroll in the fall - all at no extra charge. Gone is the weeping and gnashing of teeth of last week (thought not the vocab cards, as the plan is to stay up with the rest of the class on those through the summer). Who says there are no more happy endings?

Okay, story time's over. And now a word to our sponsors...

While it's disappointing (and embarrassing), Mrs. Learner and I felt it important to let you, our donors, know of this little development/hitch-in-our-git-a-long this summer. Despite honest effort, a good professor, and a fair understanding of what was going on in class, I've had a rough time regurgitating on paper what I've been learning. As a result, I've had to switch my class status to "audit," continuing to attend class and study this summer and retake it for credit in the fall.

If you know me well at all, you know this has been a little hard for me to swallow, largely because of an overblown sense of self-sufficiency and a history that, by God's grace, has tended to be more filled with success than failure. But I'm learning that I have limits, and Hebrew has helped in making the case. The irony, of course, is that two weeks before having to pull out of the class, I taught a two-week Sunday School series called "Learning About Limits." While the series went well and was helpful to many, it seems I still have a few more things to learn personally about coming to grips with my own limitations. And that's humbling.

One good thing that's come out of this is that I think I've figured out one of my spiritual gifts is definitely not tongues. I had my suspicions with Greek, but I'd say Hebrew has confirmed this for me. And that's good to know - a positive thing.

Rest assured, there's still plenty God is doing that we're giving ourselves to here. In fact, my Pastoral Theology class (a 12-day intensive) starts three weeks from today, for which I have to finish reading five books (writing reflection papers on each), and begin writing a ten-page paper on "whatever aspect of your understanding, personality or character you consider might be most problematic for a diligent and faithful ministry."

Hmmm. It would seem my experience with Hebrew might make for a good opening illustration of what I think I'll be writing on, namely, the idealism of my own self-sufficiency and dependence instead of on the gospel and person of Jesus.

In John 3:30, John the Baptist says, "He must become greater, I must become less." If you pray, pray that this truth would continue to become more and more a reality in my life. I'm guessing that this - and not whether I can parse a Hebrew verb - is really what this lesson and experience with Hebrew this summer is about.

Sorry to take up your time with this long email, but we felt it important to write and send because of your commitment to and involvement with us and our ministry here. We now return you to your regularly scheduled life.

Shalom,

Learner (for Mrs. Learner)

Hebrew tonight (sans quiz). Learner's actually looking forward to it.

Evening Story Time

It's been a very strange week for Learner; "interesting" and "confusing" are probably even more apt adjectives. I'm not at liberty to go into too much detail, but the one thing I can share is that Learner is probably going to have to switch to auditing Hebrew the rest of the summer and take it again in the fall. After flunking the first exam and three additional quizzes, his grades are simply too low and his understanding/regurgitation of what he's learning too minimal to be able to legitimately continue.

Thankfully, he doesn't seem all that angry or frustrated by any of this, but he does say he is perplexed. As he told me this evening: "More than ever, all I want to do is ministry, and yet all that is keeping me from doing that are ministry's hoops." (Getting this M.Div. degree, you'll recall, is the reason he's here, and yet it is also why he can't do anything else - at least within the context of Christian education and church ministry, the areas to which he feels called).

He wonders what would have happened had he gotten his degree ten years earlier, but I reminded him of all the tremendous practical experience he accumulated during those years. I feel for him as his situation seems such a Catch-22 right now - he wants nothing more than to do the work of the Lord as a vocation, and yet the one thing that keeps getting in his way of pastoring, teaching, writing, etc. is all his preparation and training to be able to do so.

Learner says it's not so hard to see why so many these days skip this formal stage of preparation and either start their own church (and often in doing so, their own "denominations"), but he still belives such training is needed in his own life and ministry. He's trying hard to swallow his pride and follow God on this new and different path toward the goal, trusting that all will eventually fit together. He says he believes it will ("Really," he says), but it's hard to know how exactly or easily this will happen at this point and place in time.

As I was leaving, I mentioned to Learner that ten years from now this would all make for a fun story. Though I was expecting some kind of snide remark, somewhat un-Learner-like, he agreed, clarifying that he hoped it would be more of God's story than his own...and that, indeed, he hoped it would be a good one in the end.

Seemed a good bit of "shalom" (that's Hebrew for "peace") to me, but if you pray, do keep him in mind this weekend. He's discouraged.

Of Frisbee Golf and Grace

For the fifth time in five days, Learner has just seen the same five male students playing Frisbee Golf across the small seminary campus. Learner says he can't help wondering 1) what they're taking a break from; 2) if they're taking a break from anything; and 3) if they're not taking a break from anything, how can they justify to themselves playing Frisbee Golf FIVE DAYS IN A ROW! (Learner's emphasis added)

Perhaps Learner's struggles are just leftover residue from the works-based streak he has been trying to rid himself of for the past twenty years. He says, however, that Frisbee Golf is not what he had in mind as being God's means of grace to him and his condition.

The Professor's Office

Beginning this summer, Learner is teaching/research assistant for a very popular professor here on campus. Basic responsibilities include grading one-page reflection papers in which people interact with assigned books read, as well as longer 10-15 page papers that are actually apologetic letters students are assigned to write to a non-believer they know.

But on top of these duties (and other more academic ones to come), most of Learner's work for the professor this summer has been a major office organization overhaul Learner has dubbed "The Genesis 1:2a Project" ("The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep...").

Five full trash bags and twenty hours later, Learner has yet to really make much of a dent in the deep. Sitting facing the desk, here's what you would see:

Table to the right: three file holders with a collection of files in them. The furthest one to the right holds files on literary figures, the middle one holds small random folders, and the one to the left holds other various folders. These will all get assimilated into the filing cabinets, but Learner had to do something with them until then.

Continuing to the left of the three file holders, there are two stacks and a box. These are what the professor needs to go through and decide what he wants to keep and what Learner can pitch. Whatever he doesn't throw away, Learner must find a place for it. The remaining things on the far end of the table are just waiting to find a file home.

Across the desk, you would notice that both it and the two tables on the rug are clear of files. This was Learner's progress yesterday. On the righthand corner of your desk is a package on top and underneath are some bags of books the professor wanted bibliographed. On the left hand corner of the desk, there are four different pages that were most current and Learner wondered if the prof needed them.

As you continue to look to your left, you would notice that Learner cleaned out the shelf above. There are only two files there now (there were dozens before): the first is a Faculty folder the professor used to take to such meetings; the red folder is a file on higher education training and development. Learner thought the two tied together, so he put them there for now.

In the closet behind you, you would notice some stacks, but they are quite condensed from what they were. These are the professor's edited class files, put here to get them out of the way before Learner places them (either as is or even further segregated) into the archival filing cabinets across the room. They're grouped by class/like topic right now (and some stacks are bigger than others - apologetics files, for instance), and Learner is planning to group them as such in the cabinets or break them down further to lighten their loads.

Learner's plan was to have the professor go through what he did/didn't want of the two stacks and the box, and then hit the archive filing cabinets (three in all, including three rows of full shelves above). He was planning to get the cabinets consolidated and then rearrange the books (7 bookcases' worth) according to what the prof wanted. This all seemed

However, the good-natured professor sprung a surprise on Learner this afternoon, showing him the attached bathroom on the side of his office where, to the professor's visibly embarrassed chagrin, a box of papers sits behind the door and a bathtub/shower literally filled with boxes of files as well. This, Learner says, will easily add another 15 hours to the project, not even counting the work aforementioned (which will easily be twenty hours or more).

Learner's application: If becoming a professor, learn to love organizing as much as teaching. Or, just get an idealistic, sucker-of-an-assistant who is more than willing to do it for you.

Oy Vey

Learner has his first Hebrew exam (dubbed "a major quiz" by his prof) this Thursday. This "major quiz" will take 45 minutes to an hour.

Currently he's trying to memorize the vocab card for "Oh, crap."

One Year Ago This Week

One year ago this week, I, Tychicus, began chronicling the life and times of Learner for all to read. It's been quite an experiment, one that I have relished despite Learner's perpetual rolling of his eyes at my enthusiasm for his seminary plight. Deep down, I think he likes having his thoughts (random and otherwise) out there for others to read, but he would probably never do something like this himself.

At least if he has, I don't know about it.

In thinking through this past year, the temptation is to look back and reflect, but Learner has asked that I not do that as, he says, "Nostalgia is a form of mental illness." As Mrs. Learner has accused him of being so reminisciently sick at various times since movng back to the Midwest, Learner suggested we consider the future and leave the past (at least for now) behind.

However, in considering topics for such posts, neither one of us had much of an idea as to what we should include. So, I turn to you, dear reader (if indeed you are there and dear), and ask you for your opinion. Is there any particular question or direction you would offer as to how to proceed from here? Any thought as to where to go? Anything you are just dying to know?

As it's been a year, I've finally turned the comments on and would encourage you to make your voice heard, even if it's the silliest or most serious of postings. And, if there are no postings to be shared, perhaps I'll take that as a sign that my work here is done.

Our fate is in your fingers, dear reader. Speak and we shall listen...

Malcontent with Bible Content

Learner got his Bible Content exam back tonight: a 99. That's three points better than his score last year, but still six points shy of what he needs to test out of the class (a 105). His next chance is in July; if he fails that one, there's one in August, but if he doesn't pass that one, it's "hello" to an extra (and involved) three-hour class all this fall.

While it was a different version from the initial test taken (and harder, Learner thought), he's having a hard time equating the last year of his life spent studying with only a three-point improvement. Granted, a majority of the questions missed were (presumably) random and trivial (if things in the Bible can be called "trivial") bits of information, but still...only three points?

Of course, as alluded to in the previous post, the question becomes whether or not to study in some kind of earnestness the 80-page Bible overview document Learner procured last year from the Renaissance Man. As the test in July will be yet another version, it's not like Learner can accurately guess at the content and what he perhaps missed to get right next time. And yet how realistic is it to put in the necessary time to study and remember a majority of dates and places sprinkled throughout the entire Bible?

Perhaps a solution would be to not worry about the test and just take the class. After all, he reasons, the point of seminary is to learn the Bible and not just test out of a class concerning its content.

Hmm. Maybe he's learning something here after all...

Spring Grades and Such

Still no word on the results of the Bible Content exam, but Learner wasn't too worried about that last night as he was taking his first of three Hebrew quizzes - in the first fifteen minutes of class!

Thankfully (though slowly), he did well and remembered 95% of what he had crammed into his head as it relates to Hebrew consonants, vowels, and syllabification. He thinks he may have more of an initial crush on Hebrew than he did Greek last summer, but pulling his vocab cards out this morning, he says it's hardly love.

In other academic news, Learner got his spring grades back:

Apologetics & Outreach: A
Covenant Theology: A
God & Humanity: A-
Elementary Homiletics: B+
Gospels: B

All seemed according to what he thought he'd earned, but he was disappointed (though not at all surprised) by his homiletics score. Unfortunately, while he prepared and gave good messages, he didn't jump through enough "hoops of structure" pushed in the course, and probably got what he deserved (though not what he agreed with).

Like that's never happened before, he says...

Bible Content Exam in 30 Minutes

Learner is preparing to take (for a second time) the seminary's official Bible Content Exam, a comprehensive test aimed at evaluating a student's knowledge of the Bible. All incoming students are required to take the exam, and each has two chances to pass it instead of having to take the class for an entire semester.

As Learner missed passing the thing by nine lousy points last year, he gets to take it again and will do so in about half an hour, along with all the new incoming students this summer. Apart from all his study of the past year, he's not really put much else into it, so he may end up getting what he deserves. Hopefully, he says, a year's worth of seminary education will make nine points worth of difference.

If not, he says he's going to feel really stupid.

Hebrew Tonight

Summer semester finally begins this evening, as Learner is set to begin Hebrew. Thanks to a cram course with Albert last night and a little review this morning, he knows (or at least can recognize) the twenty-two letters of the Hebrew alphabet (writing them is a different story). He's got his grammar book and the professor's exercise packet from the bookstore (as well as his flashcards) and is desperately trying to train his mind to read right to left.

Now all he needs is a yamika.

Overheard

Overheard at yesterday's seminary summer kick-off picnic:

Rob (standing over grill, cooking brats): "That's one hot fire."

Learner (standing near Rob, helping cook brats): "Yeah, I've always thought burning to death would be one of the most painful ways to go."

Rob: "Actually, they say that after the first minute, all your nerve endings are singed, so you don't feel anything."

Learner: "Who's 'they?'"

Rob: "I don't know."

Learner: "That first minute would be pretty long and painful."

Rob: "Yep."

Somehow neither of these two seem ready for martyrdom.

Mover for Hire (Minus the "Hire" Part)

'Tis the season for people moving - in and out. Learner and I just returned from helping yet another family move into their student apartment here on campus (after helping three different apartment neighbors move out last week). Fortunately, things ran smoothly and the whole process of unloading only took an hour and involved no stairs (always a good thing).

Learner remarked to me while we were "schlepping" (his word for "suffering while carrying something large") a couch how interesting the whole moving phenomenon is. Referencing his own move-in last summer, Learner said that if he somehow had power over society to exercise some kind of worldwide cultural change, he would make it so that if/when people move, they leave all their basic stuff (big furniture, etc.) and just make do with the stuff left by someone else where they are moving to.

This, Learner said, would solve a lot of moving hassles (not to mention put the moving industry - rental trucks, storage units, etc., which Learner thinks is nothing but a price-gouge and should be criminally prosecuted - out of business). Of course, there would be other complications that would arise from this new model of migration, as people moving would not just be looking for a particular house or apartment, but also considering what is left in it. I laughed at him and his thinking, but in a way he makes sense (granted, perhaps in a parallel universe, which is where he usually is most of the time anyway).

Other observations Learner made this morning: people are insecure about having other people view and handle their things, especially if they have just met those helping them move; people moving always think (and say repeatedly) that they have way too much stuff, but no one has any real plans to do anything about it after it's stuffed into their new living space; the five or six seminary students who show up with a smile on their faces are really not THAT excited to spend an hour or three schlepping boxes (these looks are the same ones reserved for when they meet with a professor for their end-of-semester oral exam); jokes and other attempts at humor during the moving process tend to be barely a step above your average 10-year-old's and should be left to the professionals (i.e. late-night comedians and politicians).

Learner's top ten rules for helping seminary students move are:

1) Always let the husband handle the boxes marked "fragile".

2) Never comment on how you think the move is going, particularly in relation to a previous moving experience (the people who are moving will feel insecure if they feel they're being compared to another move).

3) Don't shy away from the big stuff - somebody's got to get it and it might as well be you.

4) Don't shy away from the little stuff - same reason.

5) Do your best to honor whatever markings are on the boxes as to where they go (just throwing stuff in the first room you come to eventually blocks the path and doesn't serve the new residents well when they go to unload).

6) Let the seminary student who is moving in believe he really has an outrageous number of books (even though he doesn't).

7) Drink plenty of fluids.

8) Don't get bent out of shape that you have to spend time doing this (ask yourself HWJM?: "How Would Jesus Move?").

9) While the principle is right, disregard the rationale behind #8 - it's stupid.

10) Never forget that, at least at seminary, you once had to move in and you will have to one day move out - be the kind of mover you want to help you when the time comes: quick, quiet, and quip-resistant.

More moves to come this summer. As always, I'll keep you posted.

File This

Learner and the family are back in town after a week-long trip to see Mrs. Learner's family. Learner says it most definitely was a "trip" and not a "vacation," as a vacation is a trip that does not involve relatives, and this one did. The family arrived back in town yesterday, and have plans to make the most of the next week before summer Hebrew begins in June (more on that to come, I'm sure).

Last night and most of today, Learner merged all his class notes, handouts, syllabi, and papers with his existing (and extensive) paper filing system, revamping it along the way. His goal in all this is to begin creating an easy-to-use, accessible new system that incorporates all his past studies, messages, research, etc., with the plenteous material harvested over the course of this past year.

After spending a good eight hours on the project, Learner says he's liking the results - as of this afternoon, he had culled through all documents (past and present), identified what might be useful and actually used in the future, and pitched a good amount of pages that were, well, lacking in the depth department (some of his stuff goes back as much as 15 years ago when he was still learning how to study the Bible, and a few of his ideas then were, he said, a bit humorous). Thankfully, he's a good systematizer and has the spiritual gift of throwing things away, so that helps.

Having heard about his efforts, I thought I'd drop by to see his files and detail some of his categories for my purposes here. What follows (in no particular order) is a condensed version of said list:

Syllabi
Basic Study Helps
Leadership
Calling
General Theology
Systematic Theology
Covenant Theology
Confessions
OT/NT Relationship
Apologetics
Evangelicalism
Postmodernism
Dispensationalism
Humanism
New Age
Idolatry
Deism
Law
Gospels
Paul
Union with Christ
Sacraments
Parables
Miracles
Sufficiency of Scripture
Hermeneutics
Epistemology
Homiletics
Sermons
Open Theism
Women
Prayer
Fasting
Individual files for various Bible study topics
Individual files for various books of the Bible

All in all, a good amount of studied material that, with additions each semester and a little general maintenance each year, will hopefully serve Learner (as well as those he serves) in better learning, understanding, and helping others with the things of God.

On the Oral Exam

Learner and I are sitting in the student center, as he has just finished his last exam (Gospels - somewhat tough, but fair, and certainly not as difficult as the mid-term). It's as hard to believe for him as it is for me - as of this morning, he has completed (successfully, no less) his first year of seminary. It's a nice moment.

While the Gospels exam this morning was the more traditional written kind, one of the more novel experiences Learner has had in his first year of seminary is preparing for and "taking" oral exams, which the remainder two finals this past week were.

The routine goes something like this: two weeks before exam time, the professor(s) hand out a sheet of paper of approximately 15 questions, the topic of each could easily be made into a book or commentary series. With so much material to cover, students typically organize (reluctantly, at least for Learner) themselves into study groups, in which the questions are researched, answered (in theory), and then shared with the rest of the group.

For each test, Learner has been fortunate to have been included in study groups that have numbered 15 different students; thus, the labor of arriving at answers is significantly diffused. However, if the members of the group slack off (or worse, enjoy listening to themselves write, which is both annoying and immature), the model breaks down fairly quickly, people get frustrated, and a lot more work is required before one can begin cramming answers and anagrams into one's head.

Once the complete study guide is assembled (usually numbering anywhere from 25-50 pages, depending on the thoroughness of the group), Learner's process is to then read through it all and highlight what might seem pertinent (which, depending on if someone did a "data dump" cut and paste, can be a lot of work). He then makes his own handwritten outlines and notes to try to consolidate even more that which he has determined is important, and in so doing (as well as by way of random readings and re-readings preferably more than the night before) tries to remember some of what he wrote down.

His process seems to work well as the results seem to evidence: 94 on his Apologetics & Outreach exam; 93 on his Covenant Theology exam (the other nice thing about oral exams is you find out your grade on the spot). With major papers still out in both classes, his final grade is unknown, but with any kind of comparable score to his tests, he should walk away with A's in both, which would be great (and different from his Gospels grade, which most certainly will be in the B range). His other two classes - Elementary Homiletics and God & Humanity - are both borderline A/B, depending how the percentages (which he never understands) work out, so all in all, he's pleased.

Of Much Study and Weariness

The official end-of-the-semester Word, as recorded in Ecclesiastes:

"The words of the wise are like goads, and like nails firmly fixed are the collected sayings; they are given by one Shepherd. My son, beware of anything beyond these. Of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh. The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."

Three exams to go. Learner has little motivation, but he's trying.

What the Cell?

Of all the things that bother Learner (and there are many), perhaps the most annoying is when people unabashedly talk on their cell phones in the library. Somehow, these folks have mistaken a place to study for their own personal call center.

Learner says he really, really hates that.

The Weight of Seminary

Learner enjoys exercising about as much as he enjoys getting a paper cut…then having lemon juice poured on it…then soaking it in turpentine. From his perspective, “good” and “workout” have no business being in the same sentence, let alone the same language.

And yet, when he stepped on the scales a week ago and registered the highest weight (granted, by only ten pounds) he's ever been at in his life, he says he realized that he's finally going to have to come to grips with the fact that his 35-year-old body is just not capable anymore of absorbing his 15-year-old eating habits. In addition, he recognized that it’s probably time to get serious about some kind of intentional physical exercise that involved more effort than doing remote control curls on the couch.

As grateful as he is to be alive, he says he must be honest that the fact that he's going to have to start working at being alive and caring for what once simply took care of itself frustrates him. It’s work to try to eat better (let alone right); it’s work to wake up earlier in the morning (let alone exercise for forty-five minutes each day); it’s work to have to think about taking care of his body (as well as the five other bodies - his family - he's responsible to take care of on a daily basis).

But it’s work that, because he's alive, he says he's called to do. As anybody trying to take better care of his or her body knows, there are no quick and final fixes to good health, nor does going it alone tend to work, at least for the long haul. He's had to ask Mrs. Learner to help him watch what he eats, as well as ask God to help him to do the things – eat less, exercise – that he doesn’t always want to do.

Good thing tomorrow is an official day of fasting here at the seminary. For physical reasons, Learner could use a week...

On Student Counciling

Big day today as Learner turned in his Greek translations for Gospels class and is about to turn in his 10-page paper on New Testament Use of the Old Testament for Covenant Theology. This weekend will find him hunkered down to crank out a sermon on Philippians 2:12-18 for Monday, editing his God & Humanity team essay for Thursday, and possibly beginning his 10-page paper for Apologetics & Outreach (due in ten days or so). From there, it's three finals and the spring semester is complete.

In other news, Learner was nominated and elected by his class to be the male student council representative (or the "Middler Rep" as he's now being called). This morning was his first official meeting, bringing past and future councils together for a baton handing off and the outcome was, well, slightly underwhelming. Part of it might have been that Learner had higher expectations (when was the last time that happened?); part of it might have been that he overslept and woke up a whole 10 minutes before the meeting was to start.

Most probably, the reason for his blahness was simply that he hates being looked at as a rookie in any context. He confessed to having flashbacks of last summer, to meeting a bunch of people he didn't know (or who knew him), and to feeling like just another body in the room ("cow in the chute" was his exact remark), and he's surprised he still gets bothered by this feeling it, that is both having it as well as realizing he's having it.

While he's excited to have actually been voted in, and is eager to try to make a difference (the difference perhaps being to somehow justify to the campus body that student council actually does something for seminary students - he's heard others wondering that a lot), he says he is somewhat concerned that this is going to end just being a big time suck with little return on his investment.

One week of classes left...and then finals...and then a break...and then (gulp) Hebrew...

Monday, Monday

Enjoyable Easter yesterday as the family went to church, took naps, watched baseball, and had some friends over for a tasty dinner that Mrs. Learner worked all weekend to prepare. The evening wrapped up with some reading and a movie, not to mention a fair amount of clean up. Good time had by all.

Learner just emailed to say that he was the first one in the library this morning when it opened. With no classes today because of Easter and several important projects (Covenant Theology paper, second sermon for Homiletics, Apologetics letter, Greek translation work, etc.) all due in the next three weeks, today is the first day of the rest of his semester, he says.

He also remarked that he wonders what would happen to a majority of published Reformed Christian scholarship if the city of Grand Rapids, Michigan (and its many academic publishers) were wiped off the face of the earth? Seems like every book and commentary he consulted on Saturday had some kind of connection to Grand Rapids. Guess the Dutch have a few things to say about Reformed theology.

Saturday Update

Learner said the movie last night was good. He didn't cry like he thought he would, but he did say he was moved despite his lack of tears. And, he's looking forward to Easter morning service tomorrow.

For those of you who were following Learner's pseudo-saga from this past week, here's an update:

Hebrew - he got in the class with the "great" professor and is quite relieved

Rest of schedule - all worked out remarkably well for Learner to be able to teach the classes at the local school (now all he needs is to be offered the actual job)

Other school - they called; thanks, but no thanks (something to do with not having a degree in the particular class Learner applied for...details, details)

Gospels exam - the bad news: Learner got a 72; the good news: because of the curve, that ended up being a B

Bonus update: God & Humanity paper - 94, a pleasant surprise

Mrs. Learner - they seem to be back on track, but it was a long road to hoe; finances still an issue (like that's a newsflash)

More as I have it. In the meantime, Easter tomorrow!

Good Friday

From a recent bookstore promotional email:

"Easter is a gateway to spring's splendor - a time to pack away your sweaters, open the house to afternoon breezes, and dream about the possibilities of the season ahead."

From Matthew 26:27:

"Then he (Pilate) released for them Barabbas, and having scourged Jesus, delivered him to be crucified."

Thinking of the two statements above, Learner says he finds it interesting how differently we think of Easter these days. Of course, the two sentences are not mutually exclusive (indeed, he and Mrs. Learner have packed away their sweaters and enjoy an afternoon breeze as much as the next person), but he's uncomfortable with how comfortable he and the rest of our culture (and often the Church) can be in thinking about Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection.

Tonight, he and Mrs. Leearner are planning to watch The Passion of the Christ for the first time. Apparently, they've owned the movie since it came out in 2004, but Learner has not had the courage to ever watch it. Being a little squeamish in general (any kind of television surgery - real or representative - freaks him out), he never felt up to witnessing the brutality of crucifixion in detail. But he says it's more than not wanting to watch graphic physical torture that has kept him from viewing the movie these past several years. And, it's not (only) because at the time of the movie's release, everyone and their dog went to see the movie and he didn't for the principle of it.

No, more than squeamishness or self-righteousness, Learner says the thought that "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16) has always been his stumbling block. He's part of this world that God loves. And that makes him part of why Jesus was crucified.

So tonight, he'll watch. And it will be extremely difficult, he says, but not just because an actor depicting Jesus will appear to be physically tortured. Rather, the difficulty according to Learner will be in realizing anew that Christ's crucifixion (one of the most documented historical facts in all of antiquity) was for the sin of the world, which (thankfully, mercifully) includes all of his.

The celebration of life at Easter time goes beyond the fact the calendar says it's Spring. Friday's here...but Sunday's a'comin'...

Happy Easter.

Holy Pre-Registration, Batman

Holy Week is not getting off to the best of starts, largely because it's a semi-official occasion/recognized calendar event, and these always add pressure that makes Learner feel like he should be doing something different in his life as a result. Unfortunately, Learner doesn't really feel like he's doing anything different (fasting, praying, etc.) than he wouldn't do any other week, so he's frustrated with himself. This compulsion, he says, is why he hates holidays - the sense of expectation he places on himself just eats his lunch.

On another front, today is when Learner is due to pre-register for his next year of classes. Several anxieties are playing havoc with his head, primarily who he's going to get for Hebrew (the word on campus is that one prof is great; the other, well, not so great). As Learner is poor at languages, who the teacher is could make an enormous difference in his success/failure, and he's envisioning going in today at 5 p.m. for his scheduled appointment and being told that the guy before him got the last slot with the good prof.

Other scheduling complications include trying to set a schedule that incorporates the hours from a possible local teaching opportunity that he hasn't even applied for (The Renaissance Man is the link on this one). In addition, the other school to which Learner has applied to teach next year won't return his email or voicemail, so he's unclear as to even what the schedule might be there, let alone whether or not he'll even get an interview at all.

To top it off, Learner is due to get his Gospels exam back sometime today, and this is not helping his patience today. Whether he did well or not, he just wants to know; it's the waiting that kills him.

Finally, he and Mrs. Learner had a discussion/disagreement last night about the topic that always sets him off - money - and he's in a bit of a funk over that. When Mrs. Learner asked him why he was so upset, Learner tried to explain his mentality that, if things are so tough for them, how much worse it must be for so many millions/billions of others who are so worse off. This, he said, is why money bothers him so much - he feels so helpless to do anything of significance in his own situation, let alone for those who need it more than he does (i.e. those who won't eat this week), that he just wants to give up.

I told him that wouldn't be a good idea as he would then leave me with no new material to blog.

"Great, Tychicus" he said. "Another opportunity to let someone down."

Whups.

Potty-Training Application

This morning, Mrs. Learner took the two younger ones to the seminary's one-day-a-week on-site childcare while she ran errands with the older two.

On his way home from class, Learner met them all coming home. His youngest (who is two and almost potty-trained) had on her back a sticker handwritten by Mrs. Learner that said, "Ask me to go potty, please."

Learner said he smiled at both the message and the child's unawareness of the request for help in something she was still learning how to do. He then wondered briefly how his own sticker(s) might read. I offered these suggestions:

"Ask me to not be so obsessive-compulsive when it comes to assigned readings, please."

"Ask me to be less insecure about what people think of me at most hours of the day, please."

"Ask me to learn to take a compliment and not always turn it into a joke, please."

"Ask me to be more gracious and not judge others, please."

"Ask me to love my wife and family more, please."

"Ask me to stop believing it's all about me, please."

"Ask me to pray, please."

Learner didn't think my suggestions were all that funny.

Applicable, yes; funny, no.

Spring Break

Learner has one class left before spring break officially begins and he's fairly excited about the fact that, come 2 p.m. today, he gets to take a nine-day hiatus before he has to be in class again. Of course, spring break will not be like those trips in college (which he never made anyway) in which students completely lose their minds in some warmer climate, never cracking open a book; rather, Learner estimates that he needs to put in three solid hours/day of reading just to catch up. Somewhere in mid-February, he got behind and now seems a most opportune time to get back in the race.

And yet, he's not planning on being a bookworm all break - he and the family are going to the farm for the first half of the break, and Learner anticipates some long walks with his kids, a few movies with Mrs. Learner, and no traffic for miles around. Mrs. Learner has also communicated her anticipation of farm living for the next several days, as she is growing more and more enamored by most things rural (even though she can't properly pronounce that word).

Upon return to campus during the middle of next week, Learner has several personal appointments with a professor or two, some friends or three, and a movie night with one of his pastors to watch The Exorcist, which is the pastor's favorite flick. All this on top of that aforementioned three hours of study per day, and that will probably wrap up spring break, at least for this year.

Good news: Learner got a B+ on his open theism paper, a fine mark from this particular professor (who is a good writer himself, and very critical of bad writing). Also, Learner's favorite prof asked him if he would serve as his teaching assistant this summer/next year, so Learner was rather thrilled about this invitation and opportunity.

All in all (and realizing there are still miles to go before the semester's over), Learner feels pretty good about heading into the break. He continues to enjoy the seminary experience and - surprise, surprise - is even beginning to wonder if the pastorate might be how God is leading him more and more. Thankfully, several years will pass before any of that needs to be confirmed, but Learner does wonder if that might be the best use of him as a whole person.

Then again, he says, there's always blogging...

Learner's Take on Open Theism

It's a bit long for this medium, but here's Learner's paper on open theism, as presented in the book, The Openness of God:

“God gives us a role in shaping what the future will be.
He is flexible and does not insist on doing things his way.
God will adjust his own plans because he is sensitive
to what humans think and do.”
- The Openness of God

“What is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?”
- Psalm 8

Imagine you are an ant. As ants are small, so are you. Busy and hard-working, but small.

Now imagine that I am god of the ants – the Yahweh of yard bugs, so to speak. And suppose that you, as an ant, know that I am your god, that I made you, and that I have also made a way for us to communicate. But here’s the rub: I began with some goals in mind for the world, ones that your ancestors rebelled against and chose apart from. As a result, I can’t achieve my goals without you, and you can’t achieve yours without me.

But, I have an idea. Perhaps we can work this out together, you, from your perspective, helping me, from mine, run the world. You tell me what you want to do and, in good faith, I promise not to categorically override your desires. I’ll even promise to limit what I know about the future or might have once wanted to sovereignly bring about. Never mind the differences between us (you, an ant; me, your god). This will simply display how much you mean to me as I respect your decisions, as well as how almighty of a god I am in being able to adjust and still make it all work.

So, where do we start? What do you want? Tell me what you think.

I’m open.

Is this an accurate perspective of the relationship that exists between God and humanity? Are we capable of such partnership with God? Is God really open to us in this way? In The Openness of God, the answer to all three questions is an unqualified “yes”. But does this description of line up with the historic understanding of the Scriptures?

I would say not. Instead, the authors have developed a biblical worldview that begins with an anthropology of those created, and then builds a theology of their Creator. The result is a system that looks at life through the wrong end of a telescope: God seems smaller, man seems bigger, and any differences between the two don’t seem to matter.

The Appeal of Open Theism
What is the appeal of open theism as a theological system? In a word, I think it is an imagined “equality” – humanity’s with God’s – that implies a sharing of opportunity, respect, influence, and benefit, all of which are values atop our culture’s list of ideals.

Theologically speaking, our presuming to be equal partners with God resonates with our American egalitarian tendencies, seemingly elevating our role and importance in the universe and putting us on more of a level playing field with the God who created it. This, we reason, is good for both parties, as it conceivably helps our spiritual self-esteem while painting God as more approachable and personal than perhaps otherwise thought.

Another attaction of open theism that the authors put forth is that, on a practical level, this open view of God is the working perspective a majority of evangelicals (consciously or unconsciously) hold, as evidenced by how they pray to and petition God:

“(The open) view resonates deeply with the traditional Christian devotional life. Biblical personalism is widespread among believers, for it allows for a real relationship with God. When we address God in prayer we commonly believe that we are entering into a genuine dialogue and that the future is not settled…If we remember that it presents in a systematic way what most Christians already practice in their devotional lives, then it will not seem strange at all…" (8)

In other words, the authors are saying that because Christians tend to pray with the hope that the future is not settled, indeed, it must not be; thus, the outcome of the world and our lives within it come as much from humanity’s desires for it as from God’s.

They go on to say that, as partners, humanity must have had equal knowledge and influence concerning this outcome, not only in the unfolding of the historical biblical narrative, but also in the creation of it, for (somehow), “God knows everything but is still learning what the world is becoming.” (125)

Oh, the Humanity
Indeed, the open view of God might comfort humanity, resolving the perceived tension between God’s sovereignty (though without foreknowledge) and man’s free will. Anthropologically speaking, this view appeals to humanity’s need to feel wanted, not to mention our American values of charting our own course and being able to make up for previous mistakes (i.e. the Fall) by working our way back to some position of influence.

Biblically and traditionally speaking, though, open theism holds a higher view of man and a lower view of God than I believe it can or should, at least when compared to the past 5,000 years of Christian orthodoxy and teaching on our human nature. For if…

“…orthodoxy is that understanding of God, Jesus Christ, and human nature such that the gospel story of redemption in Christ is preserved in a manner faithful to its ancient telling…” (from class notes)

…then we may be indeed be in partnership with God – and it may have been at his initiation and invitation – but we are not equal with him, for we stand in debt to his perfection and holiness because of our sin and need for redemption. While God freely provided such redemption in the saving work of Christ, this redemption does not restore us to a level equal with God, but rather only to that of our initial (and perfect) humanity in Adam, who, even as a partner with God, was still quite subject to him in the Garden.

The God of the Scriptures
Though Psalm 8 does record God making man “a little lower than the heavenly beings,” our idea should be that this gap is at least as significant as the one between you as an ant and me as your god, if not much, much greater. Contrary to open theism, the Scriptures clearly teach that God is sovereign and independent (Daniel 4:35); that God is immutable and eternal (Psalm 102:26-27); that God is omniscient and all-knowing (Hebrews 4:13); that God is indeed all this and more, regardless of whether or not we as his created humanity agree that he can be, should be, or is.

Though the open view of God may in some ways seem more appealing to or descriptive of fallen humanity and our perspective of what our place in the universe might be, the independent, eternal, and all-knowing God of the Scriptures is still the one to whom we must appeal. For while the traditional Christian perspective of both God and man does not deny the reality of humanity’s free will co-existing alongside or within God’s sovereignty somehow, it does not confuse the former with the latter, either.

Mid-Terms

You'll pardon the lack of posts of late as Learner has been ambushed by an early mid-term week and I've not seen much of him as a result.

Last we talked, he was looking down the barrel of preparing and preaching his first sermon for his Homiletics class, writing three individual reflection papers on several books he was trying to finish, composing a four-page paper on the view of humanity from an open theism perspective, and researching and making an initial proposal for his big Covenant Theology paper due later this semester.

The good news is he only has one actual mid-term exam (Gospels), which is in an envelope in his bag, waiting for him to pull out, open, and give himself two hours between now and a week's passing to take. Getting through this exam and literally a month's backlog of reading should put him on top of things again.

As if he ever were.

Learner's Creed

For his Apologetics and Outreach class, Learner had to hand in today a paragraph/half page of what it is he believes. This would have been easy enough, but the caveat was he could not use traditional "Christianese" to communicate his beliefs. It's hardly brilliant, but this is what he sent me when I asked him if I could read his creed:

I believe there is a God in the universe who existed before the universe did.

I believe this God is creative, and the world we experience and the people we are serve as evidence of his creativity.

As good as it all started out, I believe we screwed up what God wanted by wanting what only we wanted – not just in the beginning, but also now.

Nevertheless, I believe God is loving and planned for our mistake, not to mock our imperfection but to illustrate his love for us.

And I believe God showed us love, even when it hurt.

I believe we don’t deserve God’s love, but I’m grateful for it.

I believe I need God’s love. I also believe that I need God.

I believe God is still around, and I believe God isn’t me.

And I believe this means something. God says the same thing.

Guess it makes sense.

Random Observations, Part 1

As Learner is entering into the mid-term phase, complete with papers, projects, and exams, I thought I'd share a few of my own observations about life at seminary. As Learner is always so serious most of the time, I thought some humor might be in order.

Random observations (in no particular order or worth):

- There seems to be a rather disproportionate amount of women at seminary named Rebecca.

- Modes of book transportation are as varied as the student body (or bodies). For instance, while Learner purposely uses a black leather bag that only holds his computer, one class binder, and a thin book, other students transport entire libraries back and forth across campus in regulation-size hiking backpacks. I've also seen books carried in plastic bags, stuffed in oversized coat pockets, jammed in baby strollers, and transported in the hands of small children while their parents also have their hands full.

- Though they'll probably preach from Colossians 3:23-24 and other such verses on excellence, these future preachers and pastors sure do leave and walk by a large amount of litter and trash on campus.

- For most seminary students, coffee - not the face of God - is the first thing they seek in the morning.

- The silly rituals and rhetoric of junior high male/female relating are very much alive and well among the seminary's single population.

- A majority of the professors have noticeably larger-than-average skulls, presumably due to their enormous brains. This fact is especially pronounced when professors get haircuts.

More to come, I'm sure.

Working the Woe

Yesterday, as part of his internship for the seminary, Learner led the first part of his church's morning worship service, filling in for his friend/internship overseer/associate pastor, who is on a three-week sabbatical to work on his doctorate dissertation.

While Learner has always been comfortable in front of people (and has had plenty of experience being so over the years), this time around was a little different as he was in a suit.

Learner never wears a suit.

To complicate matters, he and Mrs. Learner had quite an argument the evening before that, contrary to good biblical teaching, they let the sun go down (as well as rise) on their anger. Thus, when they picked me up on Sunday morning to ride to church, well, the mood in the van was...tense.

Learner taught Sunday School - his last in a six-week series on multiple generations in church - and then, as he had agreed to the previous week, led the Call to Worship, the first hymn, and prayed an Invocation at the beginning of the service. Mrs. Learner skipped Sunday School altogether (she usually goes to his class when she's not teaching five-year-olds once a month), and she listened to the service from a private room in the back of the sanctuary, in tears.

Earlier in the week, the two of them realized that this Sunday might be a first glimpse of sorts of what life might be like as a pastor and as a pastor's wife. Suffice it to say, it was not the most glorious of revelations.

Here is the prayer Learner wrote on Sunday morning (in the middle of the fight) for the Invocation, read immediately after the opening hymn, "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God":

"O, God, our Mighty Fortress, our bulwark never failing, we come to you now – each of us wounded from battle, weary from burden, worse for the wear. Thank you for being a refuge for us; for being a respite for us; for being rest for us. Allow us the grace this morning to enter into the Mighty Fortress that is your presence, trusting not in our ability to do so, but trusting only in your invitation to do so.

O, God, if indeed you are our Mighty Fortress, then we have no choice but to seek your protection from our enemy – from your enemy – the evil one, for 'still our ancient foe doth seek to work us woe.' Truly, God, 'his craft and power are great,' but they are not greater than yours. Shield us from his onslaughts and his desires; heal us from the sting of his wounds; and forgive us, God, of our own treasonous tendencies to leave the love of your lordship. In Jesus' name, Amen."

He can be a poetic one, that Learner.

Now if he just weren't so much of an ass the rest of the time...

Poetic (Planned?) Parallelism

Idea from Learner's reading currently blowing his mind this week:

"...Jesus must have spent time in organizing his teaching and preparing its form, for unless we assume that this poetic parallelism simply popped into his mind on the spur of the moment, we must conclude that Jesus carefully prepared 'for his classes.' Perhaps some of the time that he sought to be alone was not only for the purpose of prayer but also to prepare what and how he would teach."

- The Method and Message of Jesus' Teachings by Robert H. Stein

Valentine's Day

Learner said Mrs. Learner fixed heart-shaped pancakes this morning in honor of Valentine's Day. Apparently, however, the majority of the pancakes were quite crooked in their heart-shapedness, and Learner's second child thought they looked more like butterflies than hearts and could she have some more syrup?

So much for romance in the morning...

Women at Seminary

With little exception, there are a healthy handful of women in a majority of Learner's MDiv classes. Some of these women are pursuing the MDiv degree (foregoing ordination) in order to pursue translation work or other ministry opportunities; others are in programs (counseling, etc.) for which MDiv classes meet needed requirements.

From Learner's perspective, having women in the classroom is an altogether great thing, though he wishes the ladies would feel the freedom to ask questions, speak up, and feel more a part. His guess is they don't feel this freedom because they have encountered a few men (students, not professors - they seem very affirming) on campus who would not appreciate them doing so. And that's sad.

For instance, overheard between classes this week:

"Be careful of women who go to seminary."

"Why?"

"They either want a man or they want to be one."

Learner wonders how much Mrs. Learner picks up on this attitude from men while attending her classes. He wonders if any women (mistakenly) pick it up from him. He also wonders why some men are so threatened by women learning.

N.T. Wright's Take on the Cynic

The history (and hope) of Learner's type (the Cynic), as described by N.T. Wright in Jesus and the Victory of God:

"The word 'Cynic' itself comes from the Greek kyon, meaning 'dog': the Cynics barked at society, snapped at its heels (we must remember that dogs were normally scavengers, not family pets, in the Greco-Roman world), warning people, waking them up, harrying them into thinking differently about their lives...

...the Cynics' teaching eschewed the complexities of the more serious education of the day, and aimed simply at challenging received opinions, 'altering the currency' in the phrase attributed to Diogenes, and advocating a life lived in harmony with nature rather than with the enslavements and immorality that accompany wealth. Freedom, self-sufficiency, and self-control: these were the Cynic's goals, and almost any means to express them for oneself, or to shock others into seeing their value, was acceptable."

Learner says he likes N.T. Wright.

Philemon 1:6

Learner just emailed this verse as a follow-up to my previous post:

"I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ."

Interesting.

Learner, Learner, Let Down Your Hair

Of the many assignments Learner received last week, one was to read Jerram Barrs' The Heart of Evangelism. Suffice it to say, it's been a long time since Learner read a book on evangelism. And, while the ideals of "going and making disciples" and "always having an answer for the faith he professes" were motivating in his early faith, Learner says the reality of his non-existent evangelistic life - not just in the past year, but easily the past five - is quite embarrassing. He wonders how true of the American church this really is, or if he's the only person training for the ministry who has little to no desire to seek out relationships with unbelievers in the midst of learning more about God, his heart for the world, etc.

Part of his problem over time (at least as he has so quickly rationalized it) has been the fact that the "place" mentality of campus living he has so enjoyed has really served as a huge barrier to the natural flow of all kinds of people, particularly unbelievers, into his life. This, of course, has not been supplemented by any kind of intentionality in the midst of those non-campus journeys out into the world; rather, his mentality has always been one of "leaving the fortress" of home, hoping not to get thrown off track of his errand list or timetable, being courteous to all the people he's sure he'll never see again (and he usually doesn't), and then making it home unscathed despite the hassle of having to go out in the first place.

After reading half the book, he again finds himself wondering (as he says he has many times before), what kind of heart he really has for unbelievers? Or, perhaps a more penetrating question (as asked in his Apologetics and Outreach class, for which the book reading was assigned last Thursday) is this: "Who do you love to hate?"

Learner says his "love to hate" list goes something like this:

- slackers
- demeaning extroverts
- Muslim fundamentalists
- politicians
- really, really brilliant people
- celebrities
- parents who don't discipline their children
- overly (annoyingly) happy people
- poor people
- rich people
- people unconcerned with hygiene
- Oprah
- and, after reading this list, himself

He's sure the list could go on, but the length of it (and his ease in creating it) bothers him. The more he thinks about it, he wonders if his "fortress mentality" is truly to blame for his lack of evangelism of people - seems to be more of his heart and its inability to break for others in need, in want, in sin, in darkness, in life.

God, forgive him for being so opposite of You in so many ways. Help him love people. He wants to...and he doesn't...but he does...really.

Christian Theology's Adorable Mystery

From Learner's first day of readings for his God and Humanity class:

"Agnosticism, suffering from a confusion of concepts, sees here an irresolvable contradiction in what Christian theology regards as an adorable mystery. It is completely incomprehensible to us how God can reveal himself and to some extent make himself known in created beings: eternity in time, immensity in space, infinity in the finite, immutability in change, being in becoming, the all, as it were, in that which is nothing. This mystery cannot be comprehended; it can only be gratefully acknowledged."

- Herman Bavinck in Reformed Dogmatics: God and Creation, vol. 2

Learner, doing his best Keanu, said "Whoa".

False Simplicity

Learner officially registered for classes on Monday, and tomorrow kicks off the spring semester. He's eager to get back into the classroom and justify his existence as a student. While he's felt guilty at the relaxed pace of things, I can vouch for the fact that he's been working on stuff; he just has little to show for it, I suppose.

Yesterday, Learner picked up the various syllabi to try to get a jump on some of the reading this semester which, considering his shelf-and-a-half of new books, will be quite a bit. Unfortunately, none of the syllabi contained actual assignments but instead more readings, so he's just going to have to wait until tomorrow to start.

Last night, the family and I went over to Albert's house for dinner with his wife and kids. Learner commented to Albert's wife that Albert, a flaming extrovert, seemed in dire need of school to start - he was bouncing off the walls, enjoying the conglomeration of kids as much or more as he did the adult company.

Learner says he is greatly looking forward to a semester without having to learn a biblical language. Though he'll still have to use Greek this spring, as well as deal with Hebrew this summer and fall, he says he wants to take good advantage of not having to carry flashcards around with him everyday or cram for vocab quizzes the morning of class. This will be a nice change for him.

In addition this semester, he and Mrs. Learner (who is taking another five hours of classes this semester) are trying to be more intentional about exercising regularly (at least three times a week), and he has one volume left of The Chronicles of Narnia to read to his girls, which he hopes to begin tonight with them and finish early next month.

"Everything seems so simple today," I told him.

"That," he said, "changes tomorrow."

Grades

It's been a good, long break. Learner and I are slowly but surely getting back into the academic routine, and I thought I might start with a report on Learner's grades. Despite his doubts and two wretched group projects (which cost him in both Prep and Del and Covenant Theology), he did well (and even slightly better than he thought overall). Here's how things turned out:

- Greek in Exegesis - Predicted: B-/C; Actual: B-
(Learner's papers saved him; not too bad for flunking the mid-term)

- Preparation and Delivery of Sermons - Predicted: A; Actual: A-
(group project dragged him down)

- Theology of Prayer - Predicted: A; Actual: A+
(one project was the whole grade; fortunately, he did well on it)

- Covenant Theology - Predicted: A-/B+; Actual: B+
(group final exam score of 85 hurt; this one made him mad/sad)

- Spiritual and Ministry Formation - Predicted: B-/C; Actual: A-
(strong performances on final paper/exam salvaged this grade)

With classes starting in another two weeks, Learner is gearing up for the following courses:

- Elementary Homiletics
- Apologetics and Outreach
- Covenant Theology II
- God and Humanity
- Gospels

More as we get closer to starting back up...

Fall Semester

Done.

Ten Days Later

Learner (who is less than 12 hours away from taking his last final of the semester) and I were talking earlier today, marveling at how the past ten days have felt like a year and a minute at the same time. It seems between then and now, he has somehow successfully met all his deadlines without failing anything (at least to the degree he knows), and he's now fighting his desire to blow off this last exam and declare the mid-semester holiday officially begun.

Life on a seminary campus this time of the semester is quite interesting. For instance, Learner has certainly noticed fellow students becoming more sociable with each exam taken. As a result, Learner and Mrs. Learner have enjoyed some added time with others this weekend, though it's been a bit tricky as they themselves are not completely finished with their exams and have had to weigh their extroversion with their need to study (surprisingly, their need to study seems to have lost).

Another observation regarding a semester's end is that it's very difficult to talk about anything non-school related with others as everyone seems so overwhelmed by their building academic pressures. Learner hates this, but confesses that he fell into the trap more than a few times, both out of a habit-forming as well as a conversational necessity kind of way. In other words, one can try to bring up other topics of interest, but no one seems to have many others at this point in the semester. This, Learner thinks, is both understandable and sad.

Personally, the last 6-7 weeks (for it really has been crunch time since the beginning of November) have been good for Learner. He tends to function well under deadline and the need to focus, and does even better when everyone else is making a bigger deal of things than he himself normally would. Sure, he's given to extremity in terms of processing at times, but that gets held in check when someone else is being more ridiculous than he would even be.

Regarding his grades for the semester, here are his predictions:

- Greek in Exegesis: B-/C (yes, believe it or not, he should pass)
- Preparation and Delivery of Sermons: A
- Theology of Prayer: A
- Covenant Theology: A-/B+ (depending on his paper)
- Spiritual and MInistry Formation: B-/C (depending on his paper and the exam he takes tomorrow)

All in all (and considering he's still married and his four children still recognize and love him as their father), not a bad first full semester.

For my part, I give him a B- for making it through, for dealing with some issues head on, and for being liked by many and respected by most. That said, he still has room for improvement in terms of his devotional life (i.e. finding and having a consistent one), his use of time (particularly earlier in the semester when everything is not "due"), and his friendships with friends and professors (not thinking himself a bother in interacting with them).

So yes, all in all, not a bad first full semester. As soon as the grades come back, I'll post them here and we'll see how accurate Learner's evaluation really was.

Snow

Snowing hard today. Learner, having just taken his last Greek class (hopefully ever) this morning, turned in his exegetical notebook and Greek reading report, and is now spending the morning in the library basement reading technical commentaries on Matthew 5:17-20 in preparation for writing his exegetical paper this weekend.

Not one to miss out on a moment of melancholy as caused by this morning's quiet snowfall, Learner just emailed me a haiku poem inspired by the sight:

Sinner Wonderland
Snow falling down, white
Like grace over human shame
Sinner wonderland

One of his favorites so far, he says. Of course, this also counts for his poem prayer book project, so that makes him feel even better (he's all about creative multi-tasking).

How Do You Say "Slacker" in Greek?

Below is a note Learner is turning in tomorrow with his exegetical notebook on Ephesians (which he is even now trying to finish) and his Daily Greek NT Reading Report, a chart of his attempts to read his Greek New Testament ten minutes a day, five days a week this fall semester. The killer was that no two readings could be done on the same day, and each week's readings had to be done days in that week, with a maximum of five days credit for any one week.

What's done is done, I suppose. Final exegetical paper due Tuesday.

Here's the note:

Professor,

You’ll forgive me if this sounds like a page of excuses; it’s meant as an explanation, but I suppose sometimes there’s little difference between the two. As you can probably tell by my Daily Greek NT Reading Report, I was not a very good member of the 10-Minute-A-Day-Club, reading only a measly 10 out of 63 possible days. I’m not proud of this, but I knew I was in trouble as soon as you handed out the sheet and gave us the assignment.

You see, whenever I try a reading program (in Greek or English), I always struggle because my obsessive-compulsive tendencies tend to work against me. How? Basically, the first time I miss a day, I’m sunk, especially when I can’t go back and “catch up” the missed dates as per your instructions. Thus, you can see I started well but missed a day that first week, after which I went downhill. I tried for a fresh start week five, but after missing a day (and seeing the empty spaces above from previous weeks), I suppose I gave up. It’s just really hard for me to finish something if I have a daily, visible reminder of the fact that it’s not going to be perfectly completed.

Part of this quirk is due to personality (INTJ); most of it is lack of grit. I regret not having done more of this assignment, not only for the sake of my grade, but especially because I wanted to do so much better in learning Greek than I feel I have this semester. Because of your teaching, I have learned so much about Greek as a language; however, because of my own failure to dig in and fight through my lack of ability (which led to my lack of desire), I feel like I have failed miserably in actually learning the Greek language.

I wanted to write you this note to apologize, as well as to let you know that I’m really trying on the exegetical paper. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you. Please forgive me.

Learner

PS: The reason the X’s are on the sheet is so I wouldn’t feel tempted to write down passages I didn’t read. The last thing I wanted was to add lying to my failure in completing this report.

Surf's Up

After a stellar week last week of paper writing, reading, and taking his last Greek quiz ever, Learner is into week two of what looks to be a three-week attempt at desperately trying to stay on top and in front of the wave of momentum.

And it's been a good start: he's two-thirds of the way done with his exegetical notebook on the first four chapters of Ephesians (due Thursday), has pulled a majority of sources for his exegetical paper on Matthew 5:17-20 (due Tuesday), and has a killer page-and-a-half intro started on his Spiritual and Ministry Formation paper (due Tuesday). The prayer poem book is semi-laid out (though he wants to add a few more masterpieces), and he is even starting to initially think about some of the questions on various study guides for upcoming final exams (next week).

What's not so good is he is fighting off the sniffles and the beginnings of a cold as the weather has quickly snapped cold. And, after the momentary high from last week of ace-ing his Preparation and Delivery of Sermons exam and turning in his Covenant Theology paper, it's slow-going getting the momentum going again for another important week of work.

Momentum has always been a good thing for Learner. While he's not particularly one to put things off, he does occasionally need some instant of energy in which he gets things started before he can really feel like he's going. He says his philosophy has never been to fear the oncoming wave of building momentum (usually triggered by the calendar's deadlines); at the same time, he's not one of these guys who does the work so far ahead that it's more work paddling out (metaphorically speaking) than it's really worth.

Instead, Learner says his goal is to paddle out far and soon enough to catch a good wave and then, when the wave starts to build and then break, get up, focus, and stay on top and in front of the thing, riding it out for all it's worth rather than being crushed or missing it all together by the time it hits the shore. It's perhaps a little hard to illustrate in words, but Learner feels like the wave of momentum has crested, and these next ten days will be a wild ride to the beach.

Prayer Poems, Part 2

More entries from Learner's prayer poem project:

Wine Menu
Have mercy on me, O God
Lest your anger be all you have to offer
If so, I’d like to see your wine menu
That I might choose the harshest grapes of wrath

Safe to Say
It’s safe to say that I am a sinner
to say otherwise would be the risk involved
But I’m finally convincing myself
or maybe You are

I was wondering, though, God
As You are judge, witness, and defense
Does my case have to involve so many others?
Seems a little crowded here in the courtroom

Last I Checked
Last I checked, I was alright
But that was only a minute ago

I should probably check again
But that would be only a minute later

And besides, I was alright
Last I checked

Prayer Poems

Learner and the family spent a few days on the farm for Thanksgiving and had a relaxing, thankful time. They came back yesterday (Saturday) to get a running start on what could be one of their roughest academic weeks at seminary so far.

Aided (to some degree) by the fact that they have a few sick kids as of last night, they stayed home from church this morning and, perhaps somewhat guiltily, are enjoying the day at home.

One of the projects Learner is working on is his prayer poem book. Here are a few "masterpieces" (said smirkily with much sarcasm):

Depending on My Theology
Depending on my theology
God is sovereign or He’s biased
God is good or He’s absent
God allows or He’s dead

Depending on my theology
God observes or He’s deaf
God knows or He’s behind
God causes or He’s retired

Depending on my theology
God was or He wasn’t
God is or He isn’t
God is to come or He’s already left the building

Depending on my theology
my theology may not be the best thing to depend on

Prayer Haiku
It’s learning to breathe
Then learning to forget how
This is prayer to me

So he's no Whitman, but he's trying...and having fun in the process.

Weather That Matches His Temperament

Learner awoke this morning to the sound of rain. He walked to class with no umbrella or complaints. While others scurried around and scrunched down, Learner happily walked from building to building, marveling how people get freaked out by overcast skies and rain.

"This is weather that matches my temperament, so I feel right at home," he says. "It's just too bad I have to study and can't get out and enjoy it more."

Release the Beast Within

A month ago, Learner and a fellow student (Tom, pictured above) had the idea to finance their seminary experience with a new beer based on the Greek word "thaerion" (spelled here phoenetically), which translates to "beast" in English.

As Learner was looking for an excuse not to study this weekend, and Tom (who is all things Italian, hence the map above) was over for a movie, they stayed up late designing a bottle label for their beer.

Now if only they had an actual product to sell...

Anybody Got a Rubber Room?

It's beginning to hit the proverbial fan for Learner as, in addition to the same glorious/ridiculous amounts of required weekly reading, he can look forward to the following projects over the next month:

- Reading and completing an 8 page paper on D.A. Carson's Exegetical Fallacies for Greek in Exegesis (due Nov. 23rd)

- Researching and writing a 10-12 page hermeneutical process paper for Covenant Theology (due Dec. 2nd)

- Completing an exegetical notebook on Ephesians 1-4 for Greek in Exegesis (due Dec. 8th)

- Researching and writing a 10-12 page exegetical paper on Matthew 5:17-19 for Greek in Exegesis (due Dec. 12th)

- Writing and designing a prayer book of original poetry for Theology of Prayer (due Dec. 12th)

- Researching and writing a 8-10 page theology of ministry paper for Spiritual and Ministry Formation (due Dec. 12th)

Exams run Dec. 13th-19th.

Learner's psychotherapy begins Dec. 20th.

Recipe for Disaster

From Learner's readings in Covenant Theology class:

"Think of a doctrine. Double it with variant interpretations. Divide by denominational distinctives. Add some technical jargon. Subtract any practical relevance. Finally take away the doctrine you first thought of, and what are you left with? Probably the sum of the average theological student's awareness of the relation between his theological study and the mission of the church."

- Christopher J.H. Wright in Themelios 15.2 (1990), p. 39

Learner's Top Ten Seminary Lessons (So Far)

Another week, come and gone. I haven't written much this past week as Learner has been fairly preoccupied with catching up from fall break last weekend (Thursday-Sunday). Thankfully, with the exception of having to diagram a passage in Greek and cramming for two quizzes, the bulk of the work has been of the reading and highlighting type (Learner's favorite, followed closely by writing essays of any sort). As a result, he's just about caught up.

Earlier today, we were talking about what he's learning in the midst of his seminary experience so far. As the conversation was interesting, I asked him if I could take notes for my project here. While he still rolls his eyes at the premise of me (or anyone else) being interested, he agreed.

Here's what I wrote down:

1. It's been far too long since Learner has read (and read about) the Old Testament, particularly the exodus narrative. The power and significance of all that, he says, must have been almost too much to behold then, as it seems sometimes almost too much to believe now. But he does, and he's glad he does.

2. He has been guilty of an amazingly convincing type of individualistic evangelicalism and feels like he now must work very, very hard to even begin to read the Scriptures with more of its communal mentality in mind. He's not mad at anyone about this (himself in particular), but the question of how he missed it all these many years haunts him.

3. As he always says he has, Learner likes Reformed theology a lot, but says it scares him how smart some of the men (from the early church fathers to his current professors) were/are in crafting and communicating it. They make sense...and that scares him a bit.

4. At the same time (and perhaps in ambitious arrogance), he wonders what part in the ongoing thought and discussion of these ideas he might play now and in the future? Learner doesn't understand how he can love all this "stuff" (as he calls it) so much when he feels so comparatively inept in handling it.

5. It's not like it's a surprise, but he's come to the conclusion that he "sucks" (whatever that means) at biblical languages. While he can be a bit hard on himself, there is some evidence for his claim (i.e. failing his Greek mid-term with a score of 62%).

6. Every thought (great, awful, or otherwise) has been said or written by someone else a dozen times over throughout the course of history. What, Learner wonders, was he originally thinking when he thought he was originally thinking?

7. It's taken a long time (and it's still a long road to hoe), but he might barely be beginning to understand the idea of responding to God's grace rather than trying to earn it. Stay tuned.

8. Learner wishes everyone could experience seminary, but he also realizes not everyone would want to because of all the reading, writing, thinking, and studying involved. He's okay with that, though in a way, he says, it makes him a little sad.

9. He's discovered that professors have more to do than just teach and write books, but strangely, most of them want to do more than just teach and write books; in other words, they care for their students. This surprises Learner, as just when he thought he might not be "geek" enough for the job, he now wonders if he might be too much.

10. Finally, the theme/goal of Learner's seminary experience (thus far, at least) seems to be to have no pride left to swallow by the time he's through (if, indeed, he makes it through). He says he's not there yet, but the progression has certainly been in this direction.

Riding the Short Bus

From Learner's write-up for Spiritual and Ministry Formation class:

"On page 85 of Children of the Living God, author Sinclair Ferguson asks, 'Have you ever seen a well-adjusted family cope with a brother or sister who is physically or mentally retarded? It is deeply moving to watch the mixture of special discipline and grace that makes such a family member not only belong, but actually be treated as special in the family circle. So it should be in the family of God.'

My own experience resonates with Ferguson’s observation of what the family of God should be like. More times than I can count, I have been the retarded family member in need of special discipline and grace – for my inabilities, for my lack of self-control, for my need for help and attention. Fortunately, I have been around many (and am married to one) who choose to “cope” with me despite my special needs, for I can be hard to live with and to love.

While the first five chapters of Ferguson’s book did little for me overall, I can’t get this illustration of the special needs family out of my head; it is a powerful and personal idea of what God is and what his family is to be. I need to pray for more of a heart to cope with others and their own special needs, just as God and so many others do and have done for me. After all, when it comes to maturity, I’ve been riding the short bus most of my life."

How to Make the Sadist Greek Professor Laugh

This morning, after finishing his Greek mid-term exam a full 10 minutes after everyone had left the room, Learner turned his test into his professor, who with a smile, gleefully asked how it was.

"Everything you promised and more," Learner said. "But it's kind of like vomiting," he continued, "you always feel better when it's over."

The professor burst out laughing and paid Learner the ultimate of compliments: "I'm going to remember that one," he said with a grin.

All Talk

Earlier this evening, after dropping the children off at the seminary's log cabin for a few hours of free childcare, Learner and Mrs. Learner went to dinner with The Renaissance Man and his wife. The food was Mexican, the conversation enjoyable, and the laughs fun and honest.

During the conversation, Mrs. Learner mentioned that she and Learner were going to pull an all-nighter this evening in order to catch up on quite a bit of housework, study, and time together.

Learner called a minute ago to tell me this, as well as to say he's still planning to make good on the threat. However, he said, after finishing a reading assignment, Mrs. Learner fell asleep on the couch at about 10:15 p.m. Apparently she's still there.

"She's all talk," Learner said.

Knowing him the way I do, I'd say he will be shortly as well.

Mid-Term Slump/Crunch

It's ironic Learner has hit a mid-term slump in his reading and studying just as the mid-term crunch of exams and papers kicks in.

It's going to be a long two weeks until the end of the month, he says.

Bored with the Gospel

As part of the continuing Spiritual and Ministry Formation discussion on understanding and living by grace rather than works, Learner is wrestling with author Jerry Bridges' words on page 67 of his book, Transforming Grace:

“We need to remember that God has already been shown to be the exceedingly gracious and generous landowner. To realize that grace, all we must do is acknowledge we are not more than eleventh-hour workers.”

This phrase best describes the disconnect for Learner in understanding and living by grace. Unfortunately, he's not sure knowing/recognizing it as such helps all that much.

In the past, Learner has been told by those who have loved him that he has an “entitlement complex” of sorts. The guy who once explained it best said that the story Learner seems to repeatedly believe about himself (i.e. who he is and what he thinks he deserves) somehow gives him permission to engage in behavior and thinking that does not always go along with who he really is (a Christian) and what he really deserve otherwise (hell).

Thus, his experience would back up Bridges’ theory that to live by grace involves changing how he views himself. But (and this is the frustrating part), he's not sure he's seen it work when he's tried (and he supposes his trying is part of the problem, but he REALLY doesn’t get what the alternative is).

Part of the problem is people won’t let Learner confess how wretched he sometimes knows that he is because they themselves don’t or won’t believe it; part of it is that he thinks that he's honestly just bored with the gospel as both a narrative and a motivator, and he's not sure he's experiencing it as reason and power to change. He says he knows he should, but he's not sure he has, at least not to the extent that he dreams he might.

And yet, by God’s grace (he's sure), he believes. "Go figure," he says.

Avon Calling

Learner and I are sitting in the seminary's newly remodeled student lounge, talking. By no intention of our own, we can't help but overhear a loud conversation between a soon-to-graduate missionary-hopeful and the world's most eager recruiter.

The over-the-top enthusiasm is exceeded only by the number of ministry cliches used. As a result, the missionary recruit is buying it all hook, line, and sinker, thanks to the annoying "God has a plan for your life," paint-by-numbers tone and mentality of the recruiter.

"Ring, ring. Time to pick up the clue phone," Learner says. I agree.

Mid-Term Mercy

Learner's Greek prof, in a fit of mercy, moved the mid-term exam back a week to better cover subjunctives, participles, and infinitives.

When Exegesis Attacks

This morning, Learner and the rest of his classmates in Greek exegesis turn in their team exegetical assignment. The professor (who is writing a commentary on the book of Ephesians; thus, Learner's theory is that he and his classmates are doing his research for him) had divided the class into groups of 3 or 4 with an assigned passage from the last two chapters of Ephesians 5 or 6.

Tasked with compiling technical commentary for Ephesians 6:10-20, Learner and two other assigned classmates met to divide the workload. Upon discussion of the assignment in which they made sure they each knew what was expected, they divided the work, agreeing to take two weeks to ensure time to research the recommended and required four commentaries, and write their individual reports.

Upon completion of their individual assignments, Learner compiled the results and emailed initial draft to the other two. They then met the next morning for two hours to walk through the draft in detail, with each contributor highlighting the main ideas as well as the nuances of his passage. Questions were asked, points clarified, wording and formatting adjusted, and the report submitted.

I won't bore you with the entirety of their final 31-page report, but in case you're interested, here's a non-technical snippet from Learner's findings on Ephesians 6:18 (I didn't include the Greek translation and word studies due to Blogger's inability to reproduce the Greek font):

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

–Paul describes attitude to maintain by use of two participles (“praying” and “keeping alert”)
1) could express means but more likely shows manner of action; argues punctuation at end of 17 should be comma rather than period (Hoehner, 855)
2) prayer itself is not identified with any weapon (O’Brien, 483)
3) prayer is not seventh piece of spiritual armor as some claim (Lincoln, 451)
4) prayer is believer’s “vital communication with headquarters” (Bruce, 413)

–Cyclical perspective: prayer is for the purpose of maintaining alertness; prayer causes alertness, alertness keeps believers in prayer (Hoehner, 859)

–One-way perspective: believers need to stay alert; such vigilance is to be accompanied by perseverance and prayer; believers are to persevere so as to overcome fatigue and discouragement, and not to fall into spiritual sleep or complacency (O’Brien, 485)

–Lincoln agrees more with O’Brien than Hoehner: to be alert involves renouncing spiritual sleep of the darkness of this age (cf. also 1 Peter 4:7)

–Paul’s call to prayer in expectation of the Lord’s coming seems reasonable (cf. 1 Corinthians 16:22; Revelation 22:20; linked elsewhere in NT: Romans 12:12; Colossians 4:2; cf. Acts 1:14; 2:42; 6:4) (O’Brien, 485)

–Important to note repetition in this verse, done for emphasis to suggest thoroughness and intensity in regards to prayer (Hoehner, 459)

–“all the saints” indicates all believers are involved in this struggle against evil powers (Hoehner, 859)

–“all the saints” refers to those whom have been joined in the new community of God’s people (cf. 1:15; 2:24-18:3:8); four-fold “alls” (“prayer and supplication, with all perseverance, and supplication for all the saints”) underscores most emphatically the significance which the apostle gave to such mutual intercession (O’Brien, 486); four-fold alls typical of writer’s plerophory of style (Lincoln, 453)

–Preposition means “around, about, concerning” and when followed by genitive after verbs or nouns regarding prayer “introduces the person or thing in whose interest the petition is made; thus, takes places of “concerning, on behalf of” (BAGD 644; BDAG 797; cf. also Wallace, Greek Grammar, 363)

–Writer reminds readers of links with all the saints (cf. 1:15; 3:18), which should bear fruit in breadth of their concerns and prayers (Lincoln, 453)

This is probably enough to make the point that this was not an enjoyable assignment. At least as of this morning, though, it's over.

Mid-term exam in one week. "Ugh," Learner says.

Is There a Debit Card for That?

With the exception of detailing Learner's fall schedule (which, to his amazement, he has been able to stick to so far), I recognize that many of the posts throughout September were a bit "soft" in terms of actual reporting on the academic elements of seminary life. Forgive me. I have such a heart for Learner that oftentimes in my subjectivity I forget to include the more objective realities of his experiences.

So, as we're into a new month (October - one of Learner's favorites for reasons of fall weather and the World Series), let me take more of a "beat reporter" mindset and bring you news from Learner's Spiritual and Ministry Formation class, which is designed to help the student identify calling, gifting, ministry philosophy and contribution. Having just finished The Call by Os Guinness, Learner and Mrs. Learner have started Transforming Grace by Jerry Bridges, in which Bridges writes with helpful simplicity about a matter that, for Learner at least, is personally complicated: the grace of God.

Bridges is a master of both unique but accurate exposition. For instance (and with regard to the parable of the landowner in Matthew 20:1-16): “The landowner was not only fair with his workers; he was progressively more generous with each group of workers he hired throughout the day. He received, not what he had earned on an hourly basis, but what he needed to sustain his family for a day. The landowner could have paid them only what they had earned, but he chose to pay them according to their need, not according to their work. He paid according to grace, not debt.”

While Learner wants to critique Bridges’ presumption as to the landowner’s motives in paying a full day’s wages (couldn’t he have just been keeping his advertised word rather than giving thought at all to the worker’s needs?), he's not sure his skepticism makes sense as to why Jesus would tell the parable in the first place. Contextually, Jesus is not trying to prove that God keeps his word but rather that he is a generous and gracious God who gives what we do not deserve, out of grace and not out of debt, as Bridges puts it.

Learner's tendency toward this kind of critique is unfortunately too telling as to how little he really experiences the grace of God. His sense (obsession) of right and wrong, combined with five generations of farm background in which “you only get what you work for” and “don’t bother anyone with your troubles” constantly works against his acceptance (though not his recognition) of his need for grace. Sadly, to this farm boy, grace is what you are to give to others (it’s what good neighbors do); debt is what you have to pay back (and, he says, "we all know what payback is...").

More to come...

Open Season

Yesterday, after hearing no questions pertaining to the vast verb tense chart covered in class, Learner's Greek professor declared "open season" on said chart and everything previous for Thursday's quiz.

"Open season." These were the actual words, Learner said.

"Why does it suddenly feel like I have antlers?" he asked.

Learner As Mr. Ed

From Learner's reading to his children, in which Bree, who once thought of himself as noble war horse and trusty steed, is comforted by the old Hermit as Bree had just tucked tail and run for his life while his rider, Shasta, jumped off to turn and fight off the lion (Aslan) chasing his injured female friend, Aravis, on her horse, Hwin:

“‘My good Horse,’ said the Hermit, who had approached them unnoticed because his bare feet made so little noise on that sweet, dewy grass. ‘My good Horse, you’ve lost nothing but your self-conceit. No, no, cousin. Don’t put back your ears and shake your mane at me. If you are really so humbled as you sounded a minute ago, you must learn to listen to sense. You’re not quite the great Horse you had come to think, from living among poor dumb horses. Of course you were braver and cleverer than them. You could hardly help being that. It doesn’t follow that you’ll be anyone very special in Narnia. But as long as you know you’re nobody very special, you’ll be a very decent sort of Horse, on the whole...’”

- from The Horse and His Boy, by C.S. Lewis, pgs. 151-152

Day of Prayer

Official day of prayer today at the seminary - no classes. Learner says this has been much-needed time set aside to refocus a bit and just talk to God. As always, the idea of a day of prayer is more intimidating to him that it should be...but usually more meaningful than he thought it would be in the end as well.

Asking him what he's been praying about, Learner let me read his journal (he tends to be most focused when he writes out his prayers). This is what he prayed/wrote this morning:

"How do I pray today, Lord? For forgiveness, certainly; for understanding and patience in the interim, definitely; for a warm heart and a growing hope, to be sure; for a sense of some kind of presence and progress that are beyond me, no doubt - for all these, Lord, I ask you.

I again confess my sin - the control tendencies, the fear, the pride, the lack of trust, the abundance of lust, the cold and arrogant way I can have about me toward others, the self-reliance, the self-preoccupation, the self itself - God, forgive me of all this and help me turn from it all in ways both great and small, measurable and surprising. Thank you for your mercy and grace in the meantime - past, present, and future. You are patient with me, God. Remind me of this when I am so impatient with you.

For Mrs. Learner and the children, Lord, I ask that you be the husband and father I could never be. Keep them from a life of unnecessary fear - from lack of provision, from missing love, from conditional acceptance, from lack of protection - because they have you as husband and father (and thus hope) in addition to me. Reassure them somehow when I don't or can't, and keep me from being threatened by your perfection in the midst of my imperfection.

What do you have to say to me, Lord? What is it you want me to hear? What is standing in the way of responding to your voice? Can I ask you to speak louder, or would you help me to think softer? You know my heart in the matter - the good and the wicked of it both. Help me understand it better, that I might trust you with it completely.

I don't think I worry per se, God, but I do wonder: what is your plan for all this (our family, our time at seminary, my writing, my life)? How will you provide for our needs (for our finances, our emotions, our relationships)? Where will any of our past and present lead to down the road, and will we be able to be (or learn to be) honestly and truly content? I don't worry, God, but I do wonder. Keep the latter from becoming the former.

I pray for my classmates, Lord, for all these same things and ones you know about that I don't. Like me, they are unworthy of any call (and feel so), and yet they are made worthy by the call because it is your call. Allow them the joy of seeing that call fulfilled. Their hearts are bursting; their minds are sharp - place them according to your will and pleasure, and allow me whatever opportunity is helpful to them toward that end.

Thank you for this time, this place, this life, Lord. Restore the joy of my salvation here and now (or at least soon), and enable the overflow of it to touch others and bless you. Not my will but yours be done...really...hopefully...humbly...truly.

Amen."

Amen, indeed. He doesn't pray often, but when he does, it's honest.

Lessons Learned

Learner just called with the bad news that his Specialized mountain bike (a $600 gift from his former director) is missing, probably stolen. Last he saw it, it was by their apartment's backdoor, placed in a corner not visible from the front; in other words, only somebody who knew it was back there or who happened to be wandering in back could have taken it. This makes Learner sad...and angry.

It's what he gets for trying to trust people, he says. It's what he gets for trying to hold his possessions with an open hand, daring life to either confirm or negate just how much or how little he actually is tied to his belongings. But perhaps the lesson that hurts most (even more than the one that you should always lock up your bike even on a seminary campus) is that it is indeed a fallen world. Learner says he's getting really tired of learning that one on a daily basis.

Had Learner seen him steal it, woe to the guy who took the bike, he says. Instead, he guesses he'll just have to forgive and move on.

On foot, that is.

Skipping

Learner is skipping chapel this morning to exegete Ephesians 1.

It begins.

Less Is More

Living on campus has afforded Learner and Mrs. Learner the opportunity to sell their red 1992 Cavalier. This leaves them with only their 1996 Honday Odyssey minivan...and no other car insurance, maintenance, or (supposedly) headaches apart from it.

"Less is more," Learner says.

That is, until he has to get somewhere.

Ten Days In

Officially ten (or so) days into the fall semester and it is both glorious and ridiculous in terms of the amount of reading and scheduling required to make things work, Learner says. World-class athletes have no margin for missing work-outs or sloughing off on their diets as their bodies are so finely tuned and affected by even the slightest deviation from their regimen; the same feels true for him right now (minus the world-class athlete physique and the almost humorous idea of Learner on some kind of diet).

And yet, he's loving it as it really feels like what he thought graduate school/seminary might. Between Learner and Mrs. Learner, they have 19 hours, but even with homeschooling their four children, this has seemed fairly manageable (even fun). If they’ve felt any struggle with schedules right now, it’s been because of random external circumstances (day-and-a-half membership class at church this past weekend combined with Mrs. Learner’s parents being here; the family gearing up to go to the farm next weekend so the children can experience the local Apple Festival, etc.). After next weekend, Learners says he thinks they’ll be able to hunker down and be okay.

And yet, Learner wouldn't be Learner if there wasn't a flip-side. Here’s what he says he's nervous about:

• Papers – not so much writing them but researching them (it’s been a long time, he says, and he's not sure he knows all the rules for the process anymore, especially now that everything’s changed because of the Internet). He hopes to get some time at the seminary's Writing Center soon for some pointers.
  
  
• Relationships – it’s been good in that they've connected with some folks so far, but already Learner says he feels he's toward the brim of his people-cup, at least in terms of doing more with a few and being cordial and interested in the rest. Being on campus is still a great thing and he loves walking to class and seeing many people whose names he knows (he still remembers what it felt like to be lost in a sea of humanity at his university of countless thousands); however, there are folks he gravitates toward and others he doesn't, and he's still figuring out how to think about that.
  
  
• The children – in many respects, he's as close to his kids as he's ever been in terms of locale, time, and initiative, and yet they are really beginning to change (his two oldest, especially). Trying to keep track of what’s going on with each of them is requiring some new discipline on his part to evolve his parenting tendencies and let them learn some things in some new ways. It’s good, he says, and he's learning as they do, but it’s also different, just as everything else about their lives seems to be these days.

In general, though, he's encouraged by the fact that the family is here and that they're here now – at this stage of their lives – and not earlier or later. God’s timing, he says, has seemed quite right in many respects, and he's trusting that the sense of that is also the reality of it. While he and Mrs. Learner are far from figuring things out, they are working hard and making the most of the opportunities before them in a way that matches the challenges coming at them.

Learner said he had the thought the other day that, if for some reason, someone told him he had a year to live so what would he do with it, his thought was that he's doing what he wants to do with it now, though that’s not always been the case in the past. All in all, he says, it feels like a really good fit so far, dead or alive.

Swinging for the Trees

Last night at about 9:15 p.m., Learner was walking home from his Theology and Practice of Prayer class (the last of a long day's worth) when he looked over at the campus playground and saw a grown man, alone in full motion, swinging on the playground swingset.

The sight of this 225-pound adult - legs pumping and head and upper body thrown back for momentum - coupled with the evening's teaching that prayer need not be long, eloquent, or intense to be done or effectual, caused Learner to stop in his tracks to offer a prayer to God asking for a similar lightness of spirit.

"Swinging for the trees," Learner said. "The man on the swing, too."

An Email to Learner's New Pastor

Last week, Learner emailed his new pastor a copy of his weekly schedule. The pastor responded, remarking at "the many hats you'll be wearing in the next few years," and asking how he could "come alongside" this fall (Learner is formally interning with the church). Still trying to dig out from this week's first classes, Learner asked me to draft an email from my perspective as to what I thought his pastor needed to know. "We spend so much time together," he said, "we're practically one and the same." I agreed, and this is what I wrote:

Dear Pastor,

Thanks again for your email. And thanks, too, for 1) not trying to talk Learner out of his schedule - yes, it’s a lot, but he knows himself well enough by now to discern the difference between a schedule that’s too much and one that’s just hard; and 2) not telling but asking him how you could help and letting him respond. Typically, he invites only a select few to speak into his life, which is why he sent you his schedule in the first place. So, congratulations. And, as Learner himself would say, "Welcome to the freak show."

Learner and Mrs. Learner were up late last night working on all the online “diagnostics” their professor assigned for Spiritual and Ministry Formation that they have together. In going through the different personality tests and surveys, the thing that struck him is how well they both know themselves and each other and really have come a long way in being intentional and observant in the ten years since they first started thinking about who they are and what any of that might mean.

All your titles for him in your email ("husband, father, father, father, father, employee, intern, student") were accurate (he liked the “father” thing four times - that was funny). He wouldn’t give any of them up for anything (though sometimes the employee thing wears on him because, as a rule, he hates money and the fact/reality that it takes money to live and having to make enough of a living so his kids can eat when all he really wants to do is study to do things that are never going to be big money providers - write books, teach, etc. - can get frustrating).

In answer to your question, for him, “guy time” is probably going to have to be “night time,” more specifically after his children are in bed, which is usually around 8 p.m. As he's gone two evenings a week (Monday and Tuesday) already for classes, he says he wants to make sure he can be around to help Mrs. Learner put the kids down for bed as much as he can (bedtime can be a nightmare sometimes, though it’s getting better). Being the good INTJ that he is (ever-increasing on the Introvert-side of things, he found out taking the test again last night), he'll occasionally need some initiation to do something outside of the norm of his schedule, as he's not one to frequent too many bars if left to himself.

A word on “to do something”: it doesn’t have to be much, and frankly, he’d prefer that it not be. Coffee/tea somewhere, or a walk around campus or a park to pray, a museum or anything else that’s cheap and low-key are always his bias. You’ll rarely get him to go out with a bunch of guys just for fun as he's at a point in life in which he needs/wants a few close friends, and not more acquaintances who he doesn’t even know their last names. This doesn’t mean he won’t or shouldn’t do things in a group setting (especially if he needs to for his internship responsibilities with the church in terms of getting to know people), but these are just his preferences. Mrs. Learner says he's his own best friend, so read into that what you will.

One specific thing that you can help him with is to be periodically thinking about how he's doing with all the academic hoops he needs to jump through with seminary and higher education in general. When it comes to mandatory processes and paperwork (read: bureaucracy), he doesn't do all that well trying to keep up with what he needs to file and whose signatures need to be on it. Again, as he learned last night, part of this is preference (he just doesn’t care) and part of it is ignorance (his understanding of higher education as anything more than a goal at this point in time is nil). The time when you drew out the internship process on the board and showed him how to jump through all the hoops once instead of three times was a huge help, not just as an education of the process, but also as a relief that someone else might be able to think about this with him and on his behalf. You know the system(s) so much better than he does. He definitely needs your help there.

The other thing that you can help him with is to keep him from becoming too denominational. That may sound funny considering you’re a denominational pastor and all, but one thing that he said he appreciated about you is that you come from a parachurch background, wrote a book with a non-denominational publisher, and seem to have a bit of discernment as to the need not to confuse this particular denomination with being God’s only chosen church. Don’t get him wrong, he says: he likes the denomination and is growing in his love for and understanding of the church as a whole; at the same time, however, he has no desire to become the world’s greatest denominationalist, and he grows weary of all the lingo and, honestly, arrogance that says the denomination has it all figured out (so far, he says, he's gotten that attitude more from students than professors, but he's still a little gunshy). Like you, he has a pretty highly-developed crap-o-meter, and he'd rather not have it going off all the time (it goes off enough here at seminary).

Other things: of course, you’re always welcome to tutor him in Greek exegesis, but you do have a life. One thing that would really be helpful is if you could give him a 20-30 minute review on the research process you use for paper-writing, etc. Learner's high school did such a poor job on the basics of that (it’s all changed now anyway with the Internet) and he always made it through college on the strength of his writing rather than the quality of his research, but that won’t happen here. He feels like that’s a potentially big blind spot for him right now, and anything you’d be willing to do to help him there (charts, pulling out your notes to something, showing him how you categorize, organize - just pretend it’s sophomore year all over again and he's the jock in the class who has to write a paper or he can’t play quaterback anymore) would be really helpful.

He supposes that, in general, he needs to feel trusted not only with responsibility but also with relationship. He's always had more of a mutual friendship with his pastors than just a receiving one - several of them have trusted him with what they “really” think about God, people, the church, etc., and he served them well by being in their corner. He knows there’s no perfect church and he doesn't think yours is either, and he needs you to not be afraid to process stuff like that with him or “protect” him from it. He was encouraged that you didn’t do that when you first met, and he hopes that can continue. He can be a very loyal friend, a shrewd (in a good way) adviser, and one who doesn’t gossip but who instead knows how to keep a confidence. And, he's learning again how to pray, slowly but surely.

As a rule, he tends to be fairly low-maintenance (to lead anyway), very much a self-starter (and finisher – closure is a drug to him), hates to be micro-managed and patronized, and usually does well enough with correction and confrontation when it starts with facts and not motives. He usually does better when he has too little time than when he has too much time on his hands, and he, like you, hates when stuff is done poorly, which can be a bit hard to live with (just ask Mrs. Learner for specifics on this).

I hope some of this helps. Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you as I'm with Learner quite a bit (sometimes to Mrs. Leaner's chagrin) and usually have a pretty good idea what he's thinking about and dealing with. And thanks again for your interest in Learner's life. It means a lot.

Sincerely,

Tychicus

Default Schedule

Class started on Thursday and Learner has been scrambling to keep up with the flood of new faces, assignments, professors, and ideas coming at him. At first it was almost too much, but after getting some reading done yesterday and getting organized (a practice that does much good for his OCD tendencies), he thinks there's hope he can handle it, at least for now.

As I haven't yet, maybe I should give you a look into Learner's "default schedule" (he calls it "default" with the mentality that, should nothing out of the ordinary happen - ahem - this would be his day):

5:00 Time with the Lord
5:30 Study/work
7:00 Breakfast/shower/family
8:00 Greek Exegesis (T, TH); Preparation and Delivery of Sermons (W, F)
9:30 Chapel (T, F); covenant group (W); study/work (Th)
10:30 Study/work (T, Th); Covenant Theology (W, F)
12:00 Lunch/family
1:00 Study/work/watch children while Mrs. Learner takes Intro to Counseling (T, Th: 3:00-4:15)
5:30 Dinner/family
6:15 Spiritual Ministry Formation with Mrs. Learner (M); Theology & Prayer (T)/family (W-F)
7:30 Read Chronicles of Narnia to children (W-F)
8:15 Study/work (W-F)
9:15 Bed

It's going to be a busy fall. I hope I can keep up with him.

The Chronicles of Fall

Two days away from starting classes for the fall, Learner spent a majority of yesterday registering and scheduling, getting all his ducks in a row, and pretending to be in complete control of life (if only in his head and on paper). It felt good, he says.

Taking 14 hours this semester, studying 20 and working 19 per week, preparing and teaching a Sunday School class for 10 weeks beginning this Sunday, and trying to be of some help to Mrs. Learner as she homeschools the kids while taking and studying for 5 hours of class herself, it's going to be a full fall.

Last night, Learner had a breakthrough with the children at bedtime. Desperate for a change, he started reading The Chronicles of Narnia to them and they loved it, his oldest (who has been causing most of the trouble lately) especially. He read to them (all four, in their beds, in the same room) three chapters (about 45 pages/minutes worth), and they were, for the most part, enthralled, he says.

Personally, Learner says it was a much-needed moment of relief and joy of actually feeling like a father again, and he's hoping to make this part of their routine in the new fall schedule.

The other major schedule adjustment this fall is Learner's wake and sleep times. He's always historically done better "early to bed, early to rise" (in college, he and his roommate used to go to sleep at 9 p.m., getting up at 6 a.m., which was somewhat underhead of at the undergraduate level). Thus, he's making a point to shoot for sleep by 9:30 each night in order to rise at 5 a.m. each morning.

(Note: For some reason, he called about an hour ago (3:30 a.m.) to tell me all this, saying he was up because he had to "take out" a loud cricket that made it indoors. Afterward, he couldn't get back to sleep, which was okay, he said, because he fell asleep by 9:45 p.m. after reading ahead for his beginning homiletics class and feels fine.)

"I got the cricket," he says. "Congratulations," I tell him.

Anyway, Learner says that if he gets to bed early, he thinks he can make it; if not, he has no idea how else to get done what he needs to and still maintain some semblance of time with the Lord (not to mention keep hold of his personal sanity as well).

"Now is not the time to be passive in planning. 'Seize the day' and all that crap," he says.

In addition to the night's cricket-killing exercise, he checked his email and got word he actually passed his beginning Greek class (no small thanks to the given extra credit), and is officially heading for Greek exegesis, which he registered for by faith yesterday.

He's motivated (now/again). Help him, God. Be his motivation.

New Day, New Week

Let's hope so. That's what Learner's been praying for, anyway.

Learner's Inferno

Tonight has been a very terrible night, with one of the worst bedtimes ever in the home (“Not that there are ever many good ones,” Learner says). He's discouraged, as is Mrs. Learner, and their children all went to bed in tears from a plethora of spankings, of which Learner hates being the dreaded provider.

“What’s the difference between children and terrorists?” he asks me.

“I don’t know,” I reply.

“You can negotiate with terrorists,” he answers, sullen.

The thing is, none of this should surprise him, especially after attending the aforementioned welcome reception hosted by the seminary. Somewhat surprisingly, the evening was more than tolerable (though ever a bit cheeseball - in general, professorial humor and timing tend to be one step above that of junior high boys, minus the crude references).

Learner saw many of his classmates - all cleaned up and clean-shaven (Albert took the prize for the best definition of "semi-formal," coming in a suit with sandals and no socks) - and the desserts were exquisite. But the highlight of the evening (other than Mrs. Learner, who looked very pretty, Learner said) was a very powerful message from the seminary president that stuff like this evening would happen during their time at seminary. Learner and Mrs. Learner were both touched by the gentleness with which such bad news was given, as well as hopeful in somehow fulfilling the challenging call to not rely on anything other than grace for the chance of making it through.

But that’s easier said than done, especially when his four small children – Learner’s version of Luther’s “little heathen” - seem to be functioning as the devil’s own this evening. Learner says he feels like he just used up whatever last bit of grace he had tonight (not that there’s ever much there on a daily basis) and the Storeowner from whom to get more is closed indefinitely.

With fall classes (let alone another 7,000 bedtimes) not even commencing yet, he’s running out of hope that, without some serious voluntary behavior modification on the part of his little ones, his ever-lurking legalistic tendency will fight through his desperate attempts to beat it down and ruin his children, who will grow up remembering him as a father who was only angry, nothing more.

Learner wonders if there really is grace for his anger; for many reasons, there shouldn’t be, he says. And if that were the case, he wishes God would just get it over with and smite him now, so at least his wife and children wouldn't have to deal with his frustration again.

“At least they could collect the insurance,” he mutters.

As I said, tonight has been a very terrible night...

Fancy, Dancy

Learner is between semesters (summer and fall), and gearing up for classes to start next week. Activities this coming weekend include a semi-formal program/dessert with the seminary president tonight, time spent with a few new neighbors, a last binge of fiction reading, and church on Sunday.

Next week holds registration for fall classes, a lot of work for Learner's part-time job (more on that soon), message preparation for the Sunday School class Learner is teaching this fall, a Greek vocab review, and still more fiction reading. Thursday, it all begins.

Learner says he's not sure about this evening's "fancy, dancy reception," as he calls it. He just doesn't do that well with crowds of colleagues in ties pretending to be polished and proper when all summer long they've been sweating out Greek in T-shirts and shorts.

While I've not been invited, Learner promises a full report afterward; thus, I will as well. Hope the dessert's good at least.

Truth and Preciousness

Said to Learner by his 3 1/2 year-old today, just before naptime:

"Daddy, you're a piece of work."

All the therapy in the world could not begin to compare in truth and preciousness. "Therapists don't hug and kiss you, either," Learner said.

Mr. and Mrs. Oreo

In the midst of hustling and bustling to get four small children ready for Sunday School and church this Sabbath morning, Learner and Mrs. Learner each made independent clothing choices that, after getting everyone strapped in the minivan, they discovered were identical: Learner had on a white shirt, tie, and black pants; Mrs. Learner had on a sleeveless white sweater and a black skirt. As there was no time to change (they were already ten minutes late), they left for church.

"Mr. and Mrs. Oreo." "Ward and June." "The new Mormon couple." These were just a few of their self-conscious labels ("somewhat embarrassed" was another). Graciously, no one at church said anything or seemed to notice, and I played dumb and kept quiet.

But it was pretty funny.

Counter-Cultured

The Renaissance Man called last night to see if Learner wanted to meet him this morning at the local art museum for some research/appreciation of a current exhibit featuring the Hudson River School artists. (In addition to finishing up his last semester at seminary, TRM is a teacher at a classical school, and is planning to bring his students to the exhibit at the beginning of September.)

Having his Greek final behind him ("it went well enough," he reported, in case you were wondering) and always one for culture ("despite growing up without much of any," he mumbled), Learner said he would go, inviting me to come along as a chaperone.

We met TRM at 11:30, paid for the exhibit, and began walking through, looking at the paintings. Thomas Cole, Frederic Church - these men and others, TRM explained, lived and painted between wars (Revolutionary and Civil), when America was still being explored, but also beginning to be settled (think Lewis & Clark exploring the West and Thoreau, Emerson, and Whitman waxing eloquent about nature, solitude, etc.).

Artistically, just about every painting was filled with amazing light and atmosphere ("a precursor of Thomas Kinkade," Learner pointed out, though he did so with some disdain for his work - something about his paintings being "like velvet Elvises in 50 years," whatever those are). And yet, the origin of the light (the sun) was never fully present in the works. The glow was obvious; the source, however, was not in full view, a metaphor, TRM postulated, for the Romantic period's perspective that nature was supreme and truth existed, though not necessarily tied to one source.

It was an enjoyable hour, one in which Learner said he was glad to serve as a guinea pig for TRM's field trip in a few weeks, as well as expand his own art education, which (like just about every other topic of study at his high school) was barely presented. This ever-increasing awareness of how poor a high school education he received has, in the past few years, become one of Learner's biggest discouragements, as he feels behind the powercurve of what everyone in his or her mid-thirties should know about culture and the world.

Trying to be helpful, I reminded him that he at least knew a little about Thomas Kinkade and velvet Elvises.

"My point," he said.

Oh.

Summer Greek Final Tonight

Two-and-a-half months ago ("It feels like two-and-a-half years," Learner says), Greek class began. Tonight, with a two-and-a-half hour final, Greek ends (until - hopefully - exegesis in the fall).

Learner says he hopes "two-and-a-half" isn't a recurring theme when it comes to actual points earned. He needs a few more than that.

Power Outage (in More Ways Than One)

A massive storm came through on Saturday, robbing the campus (and a good portion of the city) of electricity for several days. After waiting it out for 24 hours, Learner and his family went to church on Sunday morning hopeful, but then gave up afterward and drove north 100 miles to Learner's family's farm for a convenient overnight complete with plenty of space, refrigeration, and air conditioning.

I agreed to stay on campus to let him know when the power came back on, which it did at about 8 p.m. last night. As I didn't want to disturb his retreat at the farm (one of his favorite places in the whole world), I waited and called him mid-morning today with the news. He said he wasn't all that glad for the power's return, as that meant he had to go to Greek class tonight, leaving the farm to do so after only a 12-hour respite. Nevertheless, they made the trip and got back this afternoon about 3 p.m., upon which Mrs. Learner threw out a majority of their spoiled food and went shopping.

When I had called him earlier this morning, Learner thanked me for sticking around to let him know about the power's return. He also mentioned he thought I was a better man than he, as I chose to endure a little inconvenience while he took his family and ran from it. I assured him that he was simply doing what was best for all involved, to which he agreed, but then mentioned it was a good thing they never went to Africa as they were planning (Learner had even made an initial scouting trip) - they never would have survived.

I assured him he was overreacting and was simply weary from the hassle of the weekend, not to mention thinking about his last week of summer semester and his Greek final on Thursday. He agreed, but then was quick to say that he was also tired of the campus serving as a metaphor for his current condition.

"And what condition is that?" I asked.

"One that's out of power," he said, just before he hung up.

Now that the power has come back on around campus, I'm hoping it will do the same in Learner as well. The guy could use a jump.

Sure Looks Like a Squirrel to Him

Last night, as Learner and his classmates made it to the fifth and final chapter of their 1 John translations, Learner said he had the thought that studying anything academically legitimizes it, regardless of whether it deserves to be legitimized or not. And that idea was interesting to him, so much so that he spent most of the rest of class thinking about it instead of his Greek.

It's not that Learner thinks the Bible is illegitimate; far from it. From what he knows of the world's religions (which, granted, is hardly exhaustive), the Scriptures seem the most curious and compelling story told. And "curious" and "compelling" are two of Learner's favorite adjectives - whether describing religion or anything else - and count for a lot in his mind with regard to authenticity.

But Learner says he wonders why other books can seem almost as curious and compelling, or at least have been so to millions of people of other religions throughout history? For instance, he wonders, what does a class with a professor teaching the Koran - outlining and diagramming it, devoting weeks and months and eventually years to it as Learner is and will do - actually look like? Would it feel similar to what he's doing now? He guesses it probably would.

Walking through the seminary's library, Learner is repeatedly reminded of just how much has been thought and written about the Bible. Would the Koran (or any other "holy" book) hold together as well and as easily as the Bible seems to (for it really does, he thinks)? Truly? Objectively? If so, what does that mean? What if not? Would the feeling of literary justification be the same? Greater? Less?

Is the Bible still around as the world's bestseller because it's truly inspired, or because the study of it through the ages has merely kept it on people's shelves over time as historic, interesting literature? Have centuries of study and spin (for the two inevitably go together to some degree) had anything to do with why it's still around?

Or maybe it really is true that God preserves and protects His Word, which would, of course, be "the right answer," kind of like "Jesus" is the answer to most questions asked in Learner's children's Sunday School classes ("I know the answer's 'Jesus,' but it sure looks like a squirrel to me," as the joke humorously goes).

In thinking through some of this, Learner says that the Bible is strangely becoming both more and less important in his mind. And that dual transition, he says, is weird not only to consider, but also to explain, as it seems both healthy and dangerous at the same time.

Playgroup With an Agenda

As this morning is Mrs. Learner's last Ancient and Medieval Church History class, Learner is taking their children over to Albert's house off-campus so their kids can hopefully entertain each other while the two fathers cram for their big Greek vocabulary quiz this evening.

Think of it as "playgroup with an agenda," he says.

Morning Time

Learner made an early run to Krispy Kreme with The Renaissance Man this morning. I was a little groggy, but tagged along anyway. The time seemed to do Learner some good, both due to TRM's being a willing listener to Learner's processing, as well as that this was the first morning in two months Learner has been up before 6 a.m.

Just before dawn has always been Learner's favorite time of day, he says, as it seems only he and God are awake and when the good Lord seems most available to talk. That is, until Learner's three-year-old gets up at 7 a.m. and gleefully announces, "It's morning time!"

The morning, then, is over.

The Need for Resolution

The seminary campus – having been torn up most of the summer in the name of architectural progress – is probably at its worst right now. The place looks like an upper middle class war zone, with students cutting across grass (a pet peeve of Learner’s) as the normal sidewalks are all torn up and other optional paved paths are a whole ten seconds out of the way to use. Yesterday, a dump truck hit a power pole and electricity for just about the entire campus – including the student apartments – was out most of the day.

The property’s condition makes for an accurate metaphor of Learner’s frame of mind right now. With just ten days to go before the summer semester is over, he’s very much a wreck emotionally, worn down by ten solid weeks of Greek and two overlapping weeks of spending mornings with his four children in what has seemed an ever-shrinking apartment. He just feels unresolved, much like the wretched state of the campus he sees everyday.

Resolution - that state of being in which conflict yields to contentment - is becoming more and more a commodity Learner wonders if he’ll ever know or have. Worse, he says, he has lost hope that anyone else in the world is experiencing true resolution as well. For once, he'd like to meet somebody who truly has it all together...and isn't afraid to say so and live accordingly.

Learner says he remembers from an early age putting people - whether baseball players or ministers - on pedestals and admiring them, as this gave him a feeling of security and hope for his future that he might one day be like them. After all, that's what can happen when you grow up and get good at something.

Unfortunately, he has grown up to understand the sad reality that, indeed, no one can ever be perfect, and alas, no one is. This fact makes looking to someone as an example all the more difficult, he says, as so much of his current depression stems from the fact that everyone he meets and gets to know has as many issues as he does.

This, Learner says, is part of the problem with the current publishing and music industries (as well as the whole blogging phenomenon): it used to be that only "great" people wrote books and recorded music; now anybody (including him) can do it, and that just doesn't seem right when you look back across history and consider the great works of literature and song. (I assured him it was the same to some degree during my day, but I'm not sure he believes me.)

This is what I’ve heard Learner say. I hardly agree with all of it, but I do know it's affecting him and his family. He said that today at lunch, his three-year-old offered a blessing for the food, and then prayed that "Daddy wouldn't be too mad at us. Amen."

He didn't show it outwardly, but Learner said his heart broke inside.

Amen indeed.

Narcissistic Navel-Gazing?

It's frightening (to Learner) and exciting (to me), but it appears that we might have some actual readers, as evidenced by a few recent emails I've received from Carl, Wayne, and Rebecca.

Like the world needs more narcissistic navel-gazing blogs, Learner says. I remind him that I'm the one writing about him and his seminary endeavors, so technically, it can't be considered narcissism. It's more like reporting, with somewhat of a personal bias and unbelievably unlimited access.

He says I'm splitting literary hairs and can't believe that anyone would waste their time reading my observations of his life. I remind him that if he doesn't want me writing about his life, then he shouldn't talk to me about it as much as he does.

The conversations we have, after all, are literally non-stop.

Q&A?

Recently, while reading the seminary's quarterly (read: fundraising) magazine, Learner appreciated the transcription of the seminary president's report from the denominational convention in June.

Called to give his annual address, the seminary president stated that if the evaluation came down to a growing enrollment, a balanced budget, and a good reputation, his report would be short and encouraging. But he went on to pose a different question for evaluation: Is what the seminary is doing making a difference?

Learner said he liked the question...and wondered about the answer.

His Own Best Friend

Learner and his family have been rather extroverted this weekend: a seminary ice cream social on Friday night, a 24-hour visit on Saturday from Learner's father (for grandchildren and tourism purposes), and church on Sunday morning (with spur-of-the-moment lunch invitation from another family and a planned dinner with Albert and his clan - both meals very enjoyable), and that's that. Weekend over.

All-out extroversion is rare for Learner. Make no mistake, he's good with people, but easily exhausted by them as well. Much of this comes from his temperament (not a hint of sanguine in him); other parts come from a healthy degree of selfishness and a propensity to be by himself whenever possible (Mrs. Learner swears he's his own best friend because he likes to be alone so much).

After getting his kids in bed (though not yet asleep), Learner made the comment that he might have overdosed this weekend with the wee ones. A statement like this never goes over well with Mrs. Learner, but after a week full of half days in the morning and a weekend of 24/7 presence, he says the library's looking pretty good.

One highlight of the weekend: Learner taught his oldest to ride a bike, an experience that he says was both wonderful and anticlimactic at the same time. Wonderful in that his desire to turn it into a teachable moment of trust (i.e. his oldest trusting him in the process) was fulfilled; anticlimactic in that the whole thing only took about 20 minutes or so and, while he's glad for the short length, he wonders if anybody could have done it just as easily as he did.

By his own self-inflicted, semi-ridiculous thinking, the guy can't win.

The Learner Equation: C=MDiv

Learner just got his Greek grammar exam back.

70%. A nice round number, he says.

Mouth Wide Shut

From Learner's reading tonight - 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 (ESV):

"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth.

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'"

Very much what Learner needed to read/hear this evening, as he is surrounded by people who are seemingly and consistently at least ten times smarter than he is. It's humbling, he says.

The good news is that he's grown enough in the past ten years to not open his mouth and pretend he can keep up; the other news is that he's not sure he could even if he tried.

Living with the Messiness of the Bible

You'll pardon me for yet another entry concerning Learner's Greek class, but it is, after all, what has consumed his summer thus far. Last night was his grammar final exam and, he says, it was a doozy. He thinks he may have passed it, but that's as far as he'll hope.

As has been typical all summer, after the exam and a drink break (not the kind Learner could have used at the time, but it was liquid at least), there was still an hour of lecture left of the three-hour class period. Learner's professor - a gracious man whose stated grading goal is to give Learner and his classmates points whenever possible rather than take them away - began a discussion on more complicated Greek syntax with a brief historical analysis of 1 John.

Concepts. Ideas. History. Controversy. Perspective. Truth. Finally.

The highlight for Learner (and, it seemed, for the rest of the class), was a brief discussion on the translation of 1 John 2:2, which says (according to Learner's own translation):

"And he (Christ) is the propitiation for our own sins, and not only for our sins, but also for the whole world."

"For the Calvinists in the room," the professor said, "you need to wrestle with this." There was a slight murmur among the Calvinists which, at this seminary, is just about everybody. Then the professor, disclosing his own Calvinist alignment, gave this passionate admonition: "You must learn to live with the messiness of the Bible. Our theological systems are maps; the Bible is the actual ground."

The room was silent, that is until Learner, feeling a desire to respond out of gratitude for the professor's words, simply said, "Thank you."

Last night, Learner dreamt about living with the messiness of the Bible. He says it was good but fitful sleep, which seems about right.

Mrs. Learner Goes to School

Today marks the first day of Mrs. Learner's academic exploits, as she starts an intensive month-long, two-and-a-half-hour a day, five-day a week class on ancient and medieval church history. As she did for him seven weeks ago, Learner took her picture this morning before she headed off, a new student for the first time in roughly ten years.

It was a moment...sort of.

Some might think the two of them insane to try this - that is, earning two full degrees (Learner's four-year Masters of Divinity; Mrs. Learner's two-year Master of Arts and Theological Studies spread over four years to give her a fighting chance) while raising a family of four children six and under stuffed into a three-bedroom apartment.

Perhaps they are (insane, that is), but the fact that the seminary offers a full-ride spouse scholarship is something Learner and his wife have determined they at least need to try to take advantage of; if it doesn't work for their family (and especially for their children's own education, the homeschooling of which rests largely on Mrs. Learner), they'll let it go and readjust.

Still, Learner thinks, how well-used this time would be if he and his wife came away earning two degrees for the price of one? Even if it did not make much long-term difference in terms of ministry path or opportunity (though how could it not?), at least they'll have been good stewards of their minds during this unique time at seminary.

The Lord's Prayer (a la Yoda)

Recalling The Rule of Yoda, here's Learner's ultra-literal translation of The Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 (ESV):

"Thus, therefore you pray:

Our father who art in heaven
Hallowed be your name
Come the kingdom of yours
Be done your will
as in heaven and on earth

Our bread that is daily this day to us give
And forgive us our debts as also we forgive our debtors
And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil"

Wooden his translation is. Still, progress he feels he makes.

Greek Comedy

Last week, I audited Learner's 3-hour Greek class, and did so again this evening. As you might imagine, my Greek is fairly up-to-date (having lived in a culture that speaks the langugage always helps), so my reason for going was different from Learner's. He goes because his course of study requires it; I go for the entertainment.

Lest you think I'm speaking in some strange middle voice (which, of course, Greek has), let me clarify: the entertainment has little to do with the language, but rather with those who are trying to learn it. The suspects are hardly usual (names changed to protect the guilty):

• Cig - a skinny guy who spends his mid-class break outside lighting up for a smoke (it will be interesting to see which church signs him up to be their youth pastor)
• Buzz - a guy who, without exception, has worn a different rock concert T-shirt to each and every different class meeting (and who has a DVD collection that rivals Blockbuster)
  
• Lars - a big guy who mysteriously shows up early for class, leaves his stuff at his seat, exits, and then consistently re-enters 10-15 minutes after the class has started (all this while getting the highest grade in the class)
  
• Brock and Little R - two aforementioned acquaintances, both of whom are super-smart and doing super-well in the class (though they consistently deny this fact to Learner, probably to keep him from feeling badly)
  
• Albert - Learner's study buddy and all around great guy who happens to be breezing through Greek, due largely to his insane 4:30 a.m. study habits (as well the fact that he learns best by teaching others, and Learner needs a lot of teaching)
  

And then there's Learner. The poor guy is struggling, but it's not just with grades; it's with his motivation. After tonight's quiz, he's probably pulling a C in the class, but all that could drastically change for the worse with the upcoming exam on Monday over the entire 30 chapters of the Greek grammar they've been using. His goal is to pass it, nothing more, as his aspirations aren't that high right now.

I suppose what's most interesting to me about Learner and his mates is that, with their baseball caps and scruffy shaves, it's hard to imagine ANY of these young men as pastors of a church. Granted, that's what seminary is for, but it seems they - Learner especially - have a ways to go before becoming shepherds of any flock.

Never What It Could Be

Picking the hottest, most humid day of the summer to move, Learner and his family made it into their own apartment this past weekend.

Just as he did when they subleased for the past six weeks ago, Learner says he idealistically envisions this new place as a sanctuary and base camp for great thoughts and actions to come. He says he pictures himself rising early to meet with God; he sees his offspring eating and playing and growing up into godly children; he imagines Mrs. Learner growing in her studies (which start on Monday) as well.

All this idealism is in the front of his mind, he says, and yet he fears reality sucking him back into life as "normal," which tends to be equated with "average" in Learner's mind (and Learner doesn't do "average" all that well, at least not for an extended period of time).

During the move, Learner's friend (I'll call him The Renaissance Man, as he knows a little about a lot of things) made a rather brilliant observation about him. That afternoon, in the midst of the heaviest rain of the summer, when Learner begin moaning about how "nothing can be simple" (a mantra he lives and swears by), The Renaissance Man made the comment that "it is what it is." Learner shot back some melancholic remark, to which The Renaissance Man (an optimist) said, "For me, it is what it is. For you, it's never what it could be."

Busted. The Renaissance Man nailed him. And Learner knew it.

In the time since, Learner has thought of The Renaissance Man's statement as both a compliment and a curse. Sure, he has high standards, but he also has issues that come with those standards, and he's not sure if/how he's to change on this front. For now, he's just glad for friends who know and love him in the midst of his person and situation. Complicated as both can get, I suppose I'm one of those.

Found in Translation

Learner just translated the first chapter of 1 John.

The key to translating Greek, he says, is to think like Yoda talks.

Suddenly new this day has become.

Weariness

Learner is dragging this week, physically and mentally exhausted from studying Greek, preparing to move into a new apartment, and not sleeping well. He says he feels he's been hit by a truck. I don't know for sure, but I can't imagine that would feel all that great.

Ecclesiastes 12:11 comes to mind: "Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body." Believe it or not (and according to Solomon), physical weariness can come from intellectual exercise. Learner feels like the poster child for this verse right now.

O For a Closer Walk with God

Sung at the church Learner and his family attended this morning (and the one they will probably become members of soon):

O for a closer walk with God, a calm and heavn'ly frame
A light to shine upon the road that leads me to the Lamb!
Where is the blessedness I knew when first I saw the Lord?
Where is the soul-refreshing view of Jesus and his Word?

What peaceful hours I once enjoyed! How sweet their memory still!
But they have left an aching void the world can never fill
Return, O holy Dove, return, sweet messenger of grace!
I hate the sins that made thee mourn and drove thee from my breast

The dearest idol I have known - whate'er that idol be
Help me to tear it from they throne and worship only thee
So shall my walk be close with God, calm and serene my frame
So purer light shall mark the road that leads me to the Lamb

- William Cowper, 1772

With a wink, Learner mentioned that God seemed more exciting than Reformed this morning. It did my heart good to hear him say this.

When God Seemed More Exciting than Reformed

Over the past five years, Learner has verbally and literarily ascribed to more of a Reformed perspective when it comes to big issues and looming questions involving sovereignty, justification, and sanctification (as well as the rest of life). And yet in the past 6-8 months, he says he has wondered if any of it really matters, as he's not sure his Reformed theology is really helping all that much.

It's not that Learner has fallen off the faith wagon. Not at all. But he does say that he wonders if his four-and-a-half-point Calvinism (really five-point in mind but not always in heart, he says) is helping him walk any closer to and with God. Some of his dissatisfaction, he says, goes back to the whole fatalism mentality that he always struggles with theologically and emotionally - if it's all planned out anyway, then who really cares (or should)?

Some of it is his own suspicion that, despite his love and desire for total and complete order and answers to all the questions, the Reformed system of theology (along with any and every other system of theology) is nothing but man's attempt at understanding an un-understandable God. And that seems rather futile (and therefore, in keeping with the aforementioned theme, fatal).

Of all the theological systems, the Reformed perspective seems to make the most sense to Learner logically and theologically (and it certainly has some great men and minds on its side historically and apologetically). But, if it's the best, it doesn't seem to be doing much for his sense of relationship with Jesus, and this bothers him. If the theology (and the God of that theology) is so great, why no greater sense of worship, of desire, of love for it (and for him)?

Maybe it's his semi-whitetrash background, his childhood of growing up in dispensational Methodism, or his early conversion and borderline charismatic exposure at the camp where he came to Christ - he doesn't know. He does know that he sure seemed and felt closer to God back then than he does now as an experienced Christian worker pursuing a Masters of Divinity at a conservative Reformed seminary.

Whatever became of the times when he would stand in his father's bean fields, longing for the winds to whip across the plains as a memory and (seemingly) a message of God's presence? Where, he wonders, has the confidence and courage to pray expectantly and in faith for people, for healing, for plans, and even for rain, gone? If God is sovereign, why does he not "lead" Learner to pray (and then answer) those prayers which used to give him such bold faith? If God is sovereign, why does Learner need to pray for any of that at all?

Sure, he says, they're all the same old questions, but he's not the same young Learner he used to be. He wants to grow to know - to really know - God as a person and not just as a personality; to love Jesus's teachings and not just try to live by them; to walk by the Spirit because the Spirit is noticeably walking next to him. Is that too much, he questions, to ask of a sovereign God? Can God accomodate these request as part of his already-laid-out plans? Or were they ever part of the plan at all? And if not, why not? And if so, what gives?

Learner says he longs for the days when God seemed more exciting than Reformed. He doesn't think the two are mutually exclusive, but he says he feels (and fears) more and more that they might be.

And he doesn't necessarily like it.

The Search for Church

Though it's mid-week, Learner and his wife have Church-on-the-Brain Syndrome these days as they continue to try to find one here. Of course, it's not that they haven't found one; it's that they have found more than one (actually, many more than one); thus, the problem.

What is so difficult about finding a church? For starters, Learner says, it may be the vernacular used in describing the process: "finding" a church makes the activity seem so much more elusive and mysterious than it probably needs to be, and this plays to the "grass will perpetually be greener" mentality Learner already struggles with. He prefers to think in terms of "identifying" a church, which takes away some of the pressure of visiting so many in hopes of not missing the absolute right one (which he is sure he would never "find" anyway).

Another complicating factor, Learner says, is the fact that churches are more different from one another than they are alike these days. This was not the case 100 years ago, when the amount of variation was minimal in terms of church building design, worship service direction, and even pastoral personality in the pulpit. Back then, church just was; today, however, every aspect of church is an element for variation and branding. This drives Learner crazy.

What else has been difficult? Considering the children always seems to muck things up a bit, not because it isn't a necessary consideration, but because Learner and his wife tend to evaluate it so differently. From Learner's perspective, that no child dies or gets pregnant, but merely learns a song or two as well as a short story from the Bible is about the extent of his expectation for children's Sunday School.

For Mrs. Learner, however, there are higher expectations, namely all of the above being in place, as well as a stimulating craft, an engaging time of interaction, healthy snacks, timely diaper changes, a sense that each child is loved and looked out for on an individual basis, and absolutely NO cartoon animation featuring certain vegetables who sing and dance. It's not that Learner disagrees with any of this; it's just that the process and degree of evaluating it all each and every Sunday can be rather redundant.

Couple this with the quest for sound doctrine, authentic worship, and some semblance of community (another topic on which Learner and his wife have varying degrees of opinion as to need/want), and it's a veritable coin-toss as to where and when the search for church might end. In a city the size of this one, the family could realistically attend a different church each and every weekend for the entire course of time they are in seminary. But this is not the goal, and this is not the plan. With a few more churches on their list to visit, Learner and his family hope to make a decision by the end of summer at the very latest, plug in, and never look back...for now, at least.

Retreat

For the Fourth of July holiday, Learner and his family are heading out of town to his family's farm 100 miles north of here. The children are looking forward to time with their grandparents; Learner is looking forward to time not being at seminary.

But it's not just a retreat from the seminary that Learner is anticipating (after all, his next Greek exam is Thursday, and he will be taking his studies with him). Rather, he is looking forward to getting away from the city, from the busy interstates always filled with traffic that criss-cross and roar right next door to this place.

While Learner has never been all that much of a farm boy, he certainly has the mentality of one much more so than a city boy. Things in the country just make more sense to Learner: the idea of seeing and knowing people more than just randomly; the responsibility of being a good neighbor; the sense of respect and connection with the land; and the quiet - oh, the quiet, he says - that comes with living on gravel roads and not gritty highways.

This will be Learner's first trip back to the farm since he and the family left it to come here a month or so ago. It will be interesting to see if it "feels" different returning as a student again like he was when he came home periodically from college. Of course, with family in tow, it will definitely be logistically different from those days, but he imagines some of the same feelings will be present.

Retreat. There's nothing like it, he says, and he's asked me to come along with the family to experience it. I'm honored to be invited.

Fear and Destiny

With regard to the whole seminary idea, Learner has two main fears:

1) “Believing his own press” and overestimating his academic faculties that he's really cut out for this. He so longs to learn and grow, to write and teach, but he does wonder sometimes if he just has hermeneutic or homiletic limits (among others) that he will never be able to exceed.

He's experienced some of this before in other areas – sports, music - in which no matter how hard he practiced or how long or passionately he gave himself, he hit his plateau and there he stayed. Being around some of the folks here, he wonders if that will be the truth academically. He's always felt much more “street smart” than “book smart,” but there doesn’t seem to be much place for “street smart” in a world of grades and degrees and programs.

2) Not having the courage to, if it’s all wrong, recognize that what he had at one time thought would be a good fit really isn’t. Then, instead of gutting it out for the sake of pride, convenience, or a healthy dose of penance, actually decide it wasn’t the right move after all and go in a different direction without feeling totally defeated and discouraged.

While he's not at that point of moving yet by any means, the main reason probably has more to do with thinking about his wife, his family, and what others would say rather than any felt desire to persevere and gut it out for the sake of Greek (and the Mdiv). Oh, and the fact that he has no other idea what he would, could, or should do – that’s probably another big reason.

One thing Learner is reconsidering is the idea of doctoral work (Craw just told him tonight that there’s a glut of people with doctorate degrees out there right now anyway, so it’s not like the world needs anymore). The question he's trying to ask now is not "should he or shouldn’t he," but rather "does what he want to do require it or not?" He's trying to get time with certain profs here he's heard can help in answering that question, but he says he wishes he were more confident in what he knew God wanted of him.

It’s weird, Learner says: he had such a strong sense of rightness about making the move to seminary (and he still does not regret at all having done any of that). He wonders, however, if the path through seminary might be shorter or different than he had originally planned? Of course, there’s some pride there, particularly when he thinks of having to justify his existence to his donors as to why they should still support Learner and his family, but he'll still send out the donor newsletter he's been working on all week.

Ever since he was a kid, and especially since he came to Christ at the age of 14, Learner says he has always had a huge sense of destiny on his life. His hope here is that this destiny isn’t a destiny to fail.

The Sound of Music

In moving to seminary, Learner and his family gave up quite a lot. While hardly complete, an initial list might go something like this:

• life in an attractive city with beauty right in the backyard
• a home in a great neighborhood
• an involved and influential role in a respected ministry
• twelve years worth of good friends
• a good church
• familiarity
• memories

Before moving, Learner had prepared to deal with the loss of most of these and, for the most part, has felt their loss more indirectly than directly as he's been so focused on his studies. But there's been one loss he's experienced more directly that he had neither anticipated nor planned for. That loss was the sound of music.

You see, due to a delay in the housing situation, Learner and his family have two more weeks of a six-week sublease to fulfill before they can move into their own apartment. By themselves, six weeks wouldn't have seemed that awful, save for the fact that the delay came on the heels of eight weeks spent at Learner's family's farm.

Thus, when they finally move in, it will have been over three months he and the family have not been in their own place and missing a majority of their things, music being one of them. Granted, Learner and his wife have hundreds of songs stored on their respective computers, but they have lacked speakers through which to share any of them together, which has always been important to the family.

If anyone has listened to music, it has been through headphones (too exclusive) or on computer speakers (too tinny). Thus, van trips are more enjoyable for the simple pleasure of being able to play songs at a decent volume so all may interact with them. Unfortunately, because they live on campus, they haven't had need to go anywhere.

As mentioned, Learner didn't think this unintentional fast from music would be that big of a big deal (or any kind of deal, period). However, being without music and a means to share it with others in the midst of transition has reinforced the thought that, when they move again, stereo and speakers get packed separately (if at all).

Influence (or Lack Thereof)

True to form (and very much like the stock market), Learner is the self-correcting type, as the optimistic thinking documented in the previous post yesterday has turned into a bit of a pessimistic funk today. It seems this morning that the hope of his idealism to bring about world change has once again met head-on with his inability to do so in any practical way, shape, form, or timely manner.

Frankly (and as a result), he's not been all that fun to be around.

Part of his struggle, I think, has much to do with what he's been reading: Bono in Conversation with Michka Assaya. Two-thirds of the way through the book, Learner expressed his envy of Bono's brilliance, eloquence, and platform earned/given as voice of the world's biggest band and spokeman for D.A.T.A. (Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa). Nice work if you can get it, Learner says.

While he doesn't think it's fame that motivates him, Learner says he's not sure about that, either. After all, when you have dreams of influencing millions of people, it's hard not to think of celebrity as a means to that end. Of course, those who are celebrities always try to play it off that they are not. Bono does precisely this in the book:

Assayas: "So you don't see yourself as a celebrity, then."

Bono: "No, I'm not a celebrity."

Assayas: "Who the hell are you, then?"

Bono: "I'm a scribbling, cigar-smoking, wine-drinking, Bible-reading band man. A show-off [laughs]...who loves to paint pictures of what I can't see. A husband, father, friend of the poor, and sometimes the rich. An activist traveling salesman of ideas. Chess player, part-time rock star, opera singer, in the loudest folk group in the world."

When thinking about celebrity, Learner does not contemplate the vices that often accompany being well-known; in his idealism, he always and only imagines the good that could come from such a given platform. This vice-less dreaming is due to a degree of naivete (not to mention the fact that he doubts he'll ever have to worry about it).

So, this morning, he is going to church to blend in and try to let go of his delusions of grandeur at the altar of a local assembly, to try not to lose anymore of the momentum in his studies pining to God about lack of brilliance, eloquence, and platform.

Faith, Learner says, is a long, dusty road to a place of influence. Celebrity, he says, seems a shorter, more appealing route.

Solving the Problems of the World

Along with "Brock," "Little R" and "Mrs. Little R," Learner invited me over for dinner last night. Mrs. Learner (whom I will write much about soon, as she is a woman worth writing much about) prepared a tasty meal, and the evening was pleasant in a way people eating together for the first (but presumably not the last) time can be.

Brock and Little R are in Learner's Greek class and, according to Learner, doing quite well (both got 100+ scores on the aforementioned Greek exam; Learner only pulled out an 88). While conversation initially touched on Greek studies, it soon transcended prepositions and perfect verb forms as Learner, Brock, and Little R engaged in a good hour's worth of conversation around the question of what THE moral issue of the day might be, who seems to be on what side of it and why, and what might be done about it and how.

As one intriqued by their ideas (as well as who once spent a good amount of time around Paul, a master debater), I must say it was a rather spirited conversation. Brock was sure the defining issue was abortion, which one could certainly make a case for considering the millions of helpless babies killed since 1973. Little R didn't so much name a particular issue, but talked of how political viewpoint affected the church and people's moral compass. Again, a valid observation and contender for the title of "issue of the day."

Learner, just trying to keep up with his younger (by 10 and 7 seven years, respectively) dinner guests, posited that the defining issue of the day was not abortion or the political spectrum, but a leaving out of the full scope of issues in the name of the one (i.e. conservatives being "pro-life," but in denial about poverty and health care; liberals protecting "inalienable rights" at any cost, but in denial as to where those "rights" actually came from or might go if left unchecked).

As a listening bysitter, I was impressed by the tone and direction of the discussion, as well as the hearts of concern that emerged as a result. Granted, these were three young, semi-idealistic men whose convictions far outweighed their experiences when it came to things like governmental policy. But their understanding and analysis of what the real issues are (instead of what the political parties say they are) came out of a wisdom far beyond their years and for which none took credit, but instead pointed to the Scriptures as their rationale.

Yet, while they may have had the weight of moral authority on their side, the humility with which they swung that particular sword was somewhat inspiring. This conversation was not about who was right but about what was right, a discussion rarely entered into these days (at least cordially) among believers.

As a result, I think Brock, Little R, and Learner felt the same tinges of inspiration I did last night, namely that as long as we can talk earnestly and graciously about issues with a listening ear to what the Gospel says, there's hope we might actually resolve some of them.

Ministry While in Seminary? (Gasp)

A few weeks ago, when Learner was just getting started in his studies, he received this email from a previous acquaintance:

"I barely know you, yet you're the ONLY Christian I know in your area. So, I'm writing in hopes that you can help. A friend of ours moved there last fall to attend chiropractic college. He is not a believer, but IS a seeker, coming out of a Mormon/Catholic background. When he lived here, he would attend church with us and really liked it. He wants to get plugged into a church there but doesn't have the first clue where to start. Neither do I. In your time there, have you found a church or two that I might suggest to him? I so appreciate any help you can offer. Hope you're adjusting well to seminary."

Wanting to help, Learner responded that he knew of several good churches and was happy to recommend them. Better yet, he replied, he was glad to invite the friend to go to church (though Learner and his family - more on them soon - had only been here for a week). His guess was that it would be better for the friend to make a connection personally before wandering through a slew of churches when he wasn't even a believer yet. He might need someone to walk along with him, process, ask and answer questions, and be a friend.

A week later, another email from the initial contact:

"He responded quickly - and positively! - to the possibility of hearing from you, being invited to church, talking about spiritual things, etc. He is completely open and I think looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks again. Whatever the outcome with him, I've already been immensely encouraged by your heart to reach out."

So now it's up to Learner to follow through. And while part of him has high hopes for the opportunity of ministering in some way to this "seeker," part of him is skeptical that anything might come of it (remember how I mentioned he holds his idealism in tension with his realism, rarely letting one get the better of the other?). Well...

I'll let you know how it goes.

Learner's Second Home: The Library

I must confess I am impressed with what the concept of "library" has come to mean since my day; what is in existence now compared to what we had centuries ago is rather extraordinary. And, since Learner is spending most of today in the seminary's library studying, I thought it appropriate to make note of his surroundings and a few of his reflections on them.

As Learner will tell you, the most gratifying mark of a good library is the patrons' commitment to the covenant of silence. Granted, there are moments when this covenant is broken, but typically these are few and far between; thus, when little more than the white-noise hum of the ventilation system floats in and throughout the stacks of books and corners and crevices of the facility, ah...

In addition to the sanctity of such silence is the positive peer pressure of going to the library to read and study and little more. This, of course, has become complicated in recent years by the technological advance/regress (depending on one's discipline) of Wi-Fi, but Learner does well balancing his studies and his surfing, "rewarding" himself every 45-60 minutes with a 10-15 minute Internet break.

Another benefit of libraries is they are generally free, with patrons needing only a library card to check out its resources. Whether rich or poor, one's access to ideas is without charge, one of the most beautiful and powerful concepts to Learner in all of existence.

Libraries, of course, can be both inspiring and discouraging; inspiring in that the culture has produced so many books on so many different ideas, and discouraging in that no one could fully tap into the wealth of information in the course of a mere lifetime. Ecclesiastes 12:11 comes to Learner's mind often regarding this: "Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body."

Still (and for the most part), libraries are an introvert's domain. Unlike so much of culture and its emphasis on the loud and the brash and the public, libraries are quiet, courteous, and private, much like Learner can be himself (and the way he often wishes the world was). Still, the good ideas will eventually end up in here, where Learner can deal with them on his own turf and in his own way and time.

And that's a quiet little idea that makes him very, very happy.

Of Stogies, Port, and Denominations

Having provided a general introduction to Learner's seminary, let me be more specific and introduce Learner's new neighbor (I'll call him Craw), with whom we enjoyed an evening of cigars, Port (burgundy wine with Portuguese roots), and discussion of church government of the aforeveiled denomination.

The funny thing is, of course, that Learner has never been much of a smoker, a drinker, or a denominationalist. Craw, on the other hand, is very much all three (though not to a point of cancer, drunkenness, or religiosity). Of Japanese descent and from Los Angeles, Craw says he never read a book until he was 19, didn't finish his undergraduate degree until he was 27, joined the Marines because he was bored, and ended up converting to Christianity. Now about to turn 39, he has a wife, three kids, and a confidence of calling to the pastorate that seems genuine enough.

Being a second-year student, Craw is knowledegable about most things (or at least more so than Learner) with regard to the seminary and denomination. Even though Learner only has one professor this summer in Greek, he now "knows" (or more accurately, "knows of") more thanks to Craw's honest but fair profile of them. While there is opinion in his thoughts as to views on doctrinal positions or teaching styles, there is respect in his tone for the men as pastoral professors, and that balance counts for something in Learner's book.

Craw's thoughts go beyond the scope of seminary; he seems well-versed and street smart as to the workings of particular church governments, noting where (at least from his perspective) each might be a little too tight or too loose in relation to the Scriptures with regard to what each interprets and does. Again, while it wasn't too hard to discern Craw's perspective on the issue at hand, it was presented in a fair enough manner.

All in all (and despite the pseudo-headache in the morning presumably from the port/gin and tonic/unimaginably low tolerance trifecta), Learner enjoyed the evening and looks forward to visits to "Che Craw" to gain perspective from this older, more-informed neighbor/student.

A Unique Environment for Studying and Living

Learner's seminary environment is an interesting one. It's not a ridiculously big student population (say over 25,000 like his undergraduate experience was) in which one sees mostly different people everytime one walks outside. Instead, walking around on this small campus of twenty acres, the faces remain mostly the same, enabling more familiarity and (sometimes awkwardly) community.

There is very much a sense of safety and trust, with bags and laptops and the like being left on tables for longer-than-usual periods of time without much thought given to the possibility of theft (Learner's family have yet to lock the door of their three-bedroom apartment or their two vehicles in the parking lot). The facilities are well-kept (though Learner has been disappointed in the student body's sense of responsibility for trash), and while there are rules and guidelines in place, none seem peculiarly over-the-top in terms of legalism.

Other observations? People are very focused, not at all like the undergrad world. Men are here to study; women are here to ensure that the men can (and do). Children serve as both distraction and relief from the workload, and literally all parents seem to care and have great concern about the children being here, not just from a perspective of making sure they are not hit by a driver in the parking lot, but that the children are mindful and respectful of others with whom they interact in any and every situation.

With a range of ages anywhere from 22-52 in campus apartments, seminary is a unique environment for studying and living to be sure. Differing marital statuses (in every campus apartment building there is one apartment reserved for singles among the families occupying the rest) and a variety of backgrounds and nationalities round out the demographic makeup of the student body.

If groceries and worship were not a consideration, one could go for months never leaving the property (a thought that appealed to Learner and his family from the very beginning, though they have "gotten out" plenty of times since moving in three weeks ago). Still, they recognize this existence for what it is - a novel one they probably will never experience again in the course of their lifetime as a family - and thus are pinching themselves trying to comprehend it.

Enjoying and making the most of this environment is precisely what makes studying and living here so easy...and so hard.

Greek to Him

Tonight is Learner's first Greek exam. After only two weeks of four actual classes, he's had three quizzes, covered ten chapters, learned the alphabet and over 120 vocabulary words, and memorized (sort of) almost ten different verb paradigms for present, imperfect, future, and aorist (1st and 2nd) forms, all with active and deponent variations. This is not your everyday language course (or at least not Spanish, which he took 13 hours of in college, never to speak again).

Back in my time, of course, Greek was the language of the day, much like English is now; thus, when I was delivering Paul's letters, I never gave much thought to the reality that so much work would need to go into making his words known to so many. When you really think about it (and Learner has), it is an amazing thing that so many translations have been made for hundreds of different languages, and that so many of them have been in existence for hundreds of years. The world has benefited from some very smart and committed people in the discipline of language translation over the years.

While Learner's glad from an educational perspective to be learning Koine (or "common") Greek, he did mention in between flashcards that he wonders as to the actual value of devoting an entire summer (with an entire course of exegesis in the fall) to this historic language, particularly with the software and concordances available to aid in translation nowadays. Wouldn't it be more effective and a better use of time to teach students to use those tools to get at the nuance meanings and ideas?

Truth be told, I'm a bit worried for my friend. He says he comprehends the concepts of what's being taught but, while he knows his vocab inside and out, the verb conjugations, contractions, and parts of speech parsing are eating his lunch. His average score on the first three quizzes (45 points total) is 75% (a solid C), but this first exam is worth 100 points and covers it all. He's studied, but he's not sure what he really knows or if he can regurgitate it accurately and in the allotted time (an hour) on an exam.

He'll find out tonight, I suppose.

The Idolatry of Church

I fear I may not have done Learner justice in my last post with regard to his thoughts and feelings concerning the Church. It being Sunday (and with Learner preparing to teach Sunday School this morning at the request of an absent assistant pastor), allow me to elaborate on more of what I know his thinking to be.

If you were to ask Learner if the Church was God's only and ordained way to reach the world, he would say yes...and no...and yes...and then probably that he wasn't sure. This comes from a variety of experiences (too lengthy to go into in this one post), as well as a self-recognized lack of ecclesiastical study over the years (another reason he is in seminary now). As mentioned before, he believes the Church is the Bride of Christ, and has in the past three years moved toward taking a fuller part in that analogy.

But he has not fully embraced the idea of what he has often called "the idolatry of Church," that mentality that tends to serve as justification for people to do things in the name of the Church rather than in the name of God. Granted, he realizes there might not be all that much of a difference between the two (and forgive him, he says, if he's splitting hairs), but he's very sensitive (probably overly so) to behavior of pastors who seem more like small (or large) business owners of their churches than humble shepherds of God's flock.

And yet (and this is part of what Learner struggles with in all this), loving the Church in the most passionate of ways makes total sense, certainly biblically as well as rationally. After all, if she is the Bride of Christ, we should want to love her because Jesus does (the old "Girlfriend/Fiance/Bride of our best friend, Jesus" argument).

Learner gets all that conceptually. But (and it's not a question of ease in his mind), why doesn't the idea of loving the Church with such zeal overwhelm him the way it does so many others? Why, if indeed he is seeking to follow and love God, a more passionate care and love for his Church is not manifest in his life?

More on these thoughts, I'm sure, as we go along.

Hope and Realism

In talking with Learner, you might wonder just what exactly he hopes to accomplish by being at seminary. While a Christian and (thus also) a believer in the Church, he is hardly a "company man" from the perspective of most things denominational (which denomination that is, well...perhaps later). While he loves God and the Church, they are not equals in Learner's mind and, if forced to choose, he would choose the former over the latter (which, of course, is the right answer, but as it's a "straw man" question, let's just be glad such a choice really doesn't demand to be made).

From an academic perspective, Learner is not (nor has he ever been) your most brilliant of students; in college (a place where he was still very much learning to "apply himself" as they say), he was a solid B/C student. Though many may think of seminary as nothing more than a religious education (and perhaps this was his mistake as well), it is graduate-level work. As the seminary is (by most evaluations) a good, accredited school, Learner has been a bit overwhelmed at the idea of what lies ahead. Two weeks, he says, has felt like two years, but it's only been one class (granted, a language) in the summer! From my vantage point, this could be a long road to hoe.

If you were to talk with Learner, you would probably come away with a very vague yet real sense of destiny in his description of who he is and what his hopes for this time are. The thing I appreciate most about him is the mix of hope and realism he constantly holds in tension. In most people, one of the two eventually overwhelms the other, but not with Learner; as long as I've known him (which has been for more than several years now), he has refused to relinquish neither his dreams nor his duties. While this can be exhausting for those of us around him, it can be inspiring at times as well.

Greetings and Salutations

It's a strange thing, technology. Had I had more of it a couple millennia ago, life would have been grand (or at least easier) in accomplishing that which was asked of me (but that's another blog). And yet, those tasks got done; after all, I made it into the Bible in a rather positive light, and Paul's words survived well enough.

And yet, an even stranger thing is those who have technology (particularly of the communications kind) but are frightened to use it. Such the type would be my friend, whom I'll call "Learner," a seminary student as of merely two weeks (though he wonders if he's the better for it). He thought about telling all this himself, but instead asked me to do it for him (after all, I've had a bit more experience of the "message carrying" sort).

Where exactly are we? Ah, that's really not all that important, at least that's what Learner tells me (something about "anonymity at all costs"). I'm not sure why the secrecy or what the risk (after all, it's seminary - how exciting or controversial can it be?), but I've assured him he can trust me with his news here. While I'm afraid you'll never reach Learner, if you'd like to contact me, you're always welcome and I'll be glad to pass on a message or two his way.