Mid-Terms

You'll pardon the lack of posts of late as Learner has been ambushed by an early mid-term week and I've not seen much of him as a result.

Last we talked, he was looking down the barrel of preparing and preaching his first sermon for his Homiletics class, writing three individual reflection papers on several books he was trying to finish, composing a four-page paper on the view of humanity from an open theism perspective, and researching and making an initial proposal for his big Covenant Theology paper due later this semester.

The good news is he only has one actual mid-term exam (Gospels), which is in an envelope in his bag, waiting for him to pull out, open, and give himself two hours between now and a week's passing to take. Getting through this exam and literally a month's backlog of reading should put him on top of things again.

As if he ever were.

Learner's Creed

For his Apologetics and Outreach class, Learner had to hand in today a paragraph/half page of what it is he believes. This would have been easy enough, but the caveat was he could not use traditional "Christianese" to communicate his beliefs. It's hardly brilliant, but this is what he sent me when I asked him if I could read his creed:

I believe there is a God in the universe who existed before the universe did.

I believe this God is creative, and the world we experience and the people we are serve as evidence of his creativity.

As good as it all started out, I believe we screwed up what God wanted by wanting what only we wanted – not just in the beginning, but also now.

Nevertheless, I believe God is loving and planned for our mistake, not to mock our imperfection but to illustrate his love for us.

And I believe God showed us love, even when it hurt.

I believe we don’t deserve God’s love, but I’m grateful for it.

I believe I need God’s love. I also believe that I need God.

I believe God is still around, and I believe God isn’t me.

And I believe this means something. God says the same thing.

Guess it makes sense.

Random Observations, Part 1

As Learner is entering into the mid-term phase, complete with papers, projects, and exams, I thought I'd share a few of my own observations about life at seminary. As Learner is always so serious most of the time, I thought some humor might be in order.

Random observations (in no particular order or worth):

- There seems to be a rather disproportionate amount of women at seminary named Rebecca.

- Modes of book transportation are as varied as the student body (or bodies). For instance, while Learner purposely uses a black leather bag that only holds his computer, one class binder, and a thin book, other students transport entire libraries back and forth across campus in regulation-size hiking backpacks. I've also seen books carried in plastic bags, stuffed in oversized coat pockets, jammed in baby strollers, and transported in the hands of small children while their parents also have their hands full.

- Though they'll probably preach from Colossians 3:23-24 and other such verses on excellence, these future preachers and pastors sure do leave and walk by a large amount of litter and trash on campus.

- For most seminary students, coffee - not the face of God - is the first thing they seek in the morning.

- The silly rituals and rhetoric of junior high male/female relating are very much alive and well among the seminary's single population.

- A majority of the professors have noticeably larger-than-average skulls, presumably due to their enormous brains. This fact is especially pronounced when professors get haircuts.

More to come, I'm sure.

Working the Woe

Yesterday, as part of his internship for the seminary, Learner led the first part of his church's morning worship service, filling in for his friend/internship overseer/associate pastor, who is on a three-week sabbatical to work on his doctorate dissertation.

While Learner has always been comfortable in front of people (and has had plenty of experience being so over the years), this time around was a little different as he was in a suit.

Learner never wears a suit.

To complicate matters, he and Mrs. Learner had quite an argument the evening before that, contrary to good biblical teaching, they let the sun go down (as well as rise) on their anger. Thus, when they picked me up on Sunday morning to ride to church, well, the mood in the van was...tense.

Learner taught Sunday School - his last in a six-week series on multiple generations in church - and then, as he had agreed to the previous week, led the Call to Worship, the first hymn, and prayed an Invocation at the beginning of the service. Mrs. Learner skipped Sunday School altogether (she usually goes to his class when she's not teaching five-year-olds once a month), and she listened to the service from a private room in the back of the sanctuary, in tears.

Earlier in the week, the two of them realized that this Sunday might be a first glimpse of sorts of what life might be like as a pastor and as a pastor's wife. Suffice it to say, it was not the most glorious of revelations.

Here is the prayer Learner wrote on Sunday morning (in the middle of the fight) for the Invocation, read immediately after the opening hymn, "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God":

"O, God, our Mighty Fortress, our bulwark never failing, we come to you now – each of us wounded from battle, weary from burden, worse for the wear. Thank you for being a refuge for us; for being a respite for us; for being rest for us. Allow us the grace this morning to enter into the Mighty Fortress that is your presence, trusting not in our ability to do so, but trusting only in your invitation to do so.

O, God, if indeed you are our Mighty Fortress, then we have no choice but to seek your protection from our enemy – from your enemy – the evil one, for 'still our ancient foe doth seek to work us woe.' Truly, God, 'his craft and power are great,' but they are not greater than yours. Shield us from his onslaughts and his desires; heal us from the sting of his wounds; and forgive us, God, of our own treasonous tendencies to leave the love of your lordship. In Jesus' name, Amen."

He can be a poetic one, that Learner.

Now if he just weren't so much of an ass the rest of the time...

Poetic (Planned?) Parallelism

Idea from Learner's reading currently blowing his mind this week:

"...Jesus must have spent time in organizing his teaching and preparing its form, for unless we assume that this poetic parallelism simply popped into his mind on the spur of the moment, we must conclude that Jesus carefully prepared 'for his classes.' Perhaps some of the time that he sought to be alone was not only for the purpose of prayer but also to prepare what and how he would teach."

- The Method and Message of Jesus' Teachings by Robert H. Stein

Valentine's Day

Learner said Mrs. Learner fixed heart-shaped pancakes this morning in honor of Valentine's Day. Apparently, however, the majority of the pancakes were quite crooked in their heart-shapedness, and Learner's second child thought they looked more like butterflies than hearts and could she have some more syrup?

So much for romance in the morning...

Women at Seminary

With little exception, there are a healthy handful of women in a majority of Learner's MDiv classes. Some of these women are pursuing the MDiv degree (foregoing ordination) in order to pursue translation work or other ministry opportunities; others are in programs (counseling, etc.) for which MDiv classes meet needed requirements.

From Learner's perspective, having women in the classroom is an altogether great thing, though he wishes the ladies would feel the freedom to ask questions, speak up, and feel more a part. His guess is they don't feel this freedom because they have encountered a few men (students, not professors - they seem very affirming) on campus who would not appreciate them doing so. And that's sad.

For instance, overheard between classes this week:

"Be careful of women who go to seminary."

"Why?"

"They either want a man or they want to be one."

Learner wonders how much Mrs. Learner picks up on this attitude from men while attending her classes. He wonders if any women (mistakenly) pick it up from him. He also wonders why some men are so threatened by women learning.

N.T. Wright's Take on the Cynic

The history (and hope) of Learner's type (the Cynic), as described by N.T. Wright in Jesus and the Victory of God:

"The word 'Cynic' itself comes from the Greek kyon, meaning 'dog': the Cynics barked at society, snapped at its heels (we must remember that dogs were normally scavengers, not family pets, in the Greco-Roman world), warning people, waking them up, harrying them into thinking differently about their lives...

...the Cynics' teaching eschewed the complexities of the more serious education of the day, and aimed simply at challenging received opinions, 'altering the currency' in the phrase attributed to Diogenes, and advocating a life lived in harmony with nature rather than with the enslavements and immorality that accompany wealth. Freedom, self-sufficiency, and self-control: these were the Cynic's goals, and almost any means to express them for oneself, or to shock others into seeing their value, was acceptable."

Learner says he likes N.T. Wright.

Philemon 1:6

Learner just emailed this verse as a follow-up to my previous post:

"I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ."

Interesting.

Learner, Learner, Let Down Your Hair

Of the many assignments Learner received last week, one was to read Jerram Barrs' The Heart of Evangelism. Suffice it to say, it's been a long time since Learner read a book on evangelism. And, while the ideals of "going and making disciples" and "always having an answer for the faith he professes" were motivating in his early faith, Learner says the reality of his non-existent evangelistic life - not just in the past year, but easily the past five - is quite embarrassing. He wonders how true of the American church this really is, or if he's the only person training for the ministry who has little to no desire to seek out relationships with unbelievers in the midst of learning more about God, his heart for the world, etc.

Part of his problem over time (at least as he has so quickly rationalized it) has been the fact that the "place" mentality of campus living he has so enjoyed has really served as a huge barrier to the natural flow of all kinds of people, particularly unbelievers, into his life. This, of course, has not been supplemented by any kind of intentionality in the midst of those non-campus journeys out into the world; rather, his mentality has always been one of "leaving the fortress" of home, hoping not to get thrown off track of his errand list or timetable, being courteous to all the people he's sure he'll never see again (and he usually doesn't), and then making it home unscathed despite the hassle of having to go out in the first place.

After reading half the book, he again finds himself wondering (as he says he has many times before), what kind of heart he really has for unbelievers? Or, perhaps a more penetrating question (as asked in his Apologetics and Outreach class, for which the book reading was assigned last Thursday) is this: "Who do you love to hate?"

Learner says his "love to hate" list goes something like this:

- slackers
- demeaning extroverts
- Muslim fundamentalists
- politicians
- really, really brilliant people
- celebrities
- parents who don't discipline their children
- overly (annoyingly) happy people
- poor people
- rich people
- people unconcerned with hygiene
- Oprah
- and, after reading this list, himself

He's sure the list could go on, but the length of it (and his ease in creating it) bothers him. The more he thinks about it, he wonders if his "fortress mentality" is truly to blame for his lack of evangelism of people - seems to be more of his heart and its inability to break for others in need, in want, in sin, in darkness, in life.

God, forgive him for being so opposite of You in so many ways. Help him love people. He wants to...and he doesn't...but he does...really.

Christian Theology's Adorable Mystery

From Learner's first day of readings for his God and Humanity class:

"Agnosticism, suffering from a confusion of concepts, sees here an irresolvable contradiction in what Christian theology regards as an adorable mystery. It is completely incomprehensible to us how God can reveal himself and to some extent make himself known in created beings: eternity in time, immensity in space, infinity in the finite, immutability in change, being in becoming, the all, as it were, in that which is nothing. This mystery cannot be comprehended; it can only be gratefully acknowledged."

- Herman Bavinck in Reformed Dogmatics: God and Creation, vol. 2

Learner, doing his best Keanu, said "Whoa".

False Simplicity

Learner officially registered for classes on Monday, and tomorrow kicks off the spring semester. He's eager to get back into the classroom and justify his existence as a student. While he's felt guilty at the relaxed pace of things, I can vouch for the fact that he's been working on stuff; he just has little to show for it, I suppose.

Yesterday, Learner picked up the various syllabi to try to get a jump on some of the reading this semester which, considering his shelf-and-a-half of new books, will be quite a bit. Unfortunately, none of the syllabi contained actual assignments but instead more readings, so he's just going to have to wait until tomorrow to start.

Last night, the family and I went over to Albert's house for dinner with his wife and kids. Learner commented to Albert's wife that Albert, a flaming extrovert, seemed in dire need of school to start - he was bouncing off the walls, enjoying the conglomeration of kids as much or more as he did the adult company.

Learner says he is greatly looking forward to a semester without having to learn a biblical language. Though he'll still have to use Greek this spring, as well as deal with Hebrew this summer and fall, he says he wants to take good advantage of not having to carry flashcards around with him everyday or cram for vocab quizzes the morning of class. This will be a nice change for him.

In addition this semester, he and Mrs. Learner (who is taking another five hours of classes this semester) are trying to be more intentional about exercising regularly (at least three times a week), and he has one volume left of The Chronicles of Narnia to read to his girls, which he hopes to begin tonight with them and finish early next month.

"Everything seems so simple today," I told him.

"That," he said, "changes tomorrow."

Grades

It's been a good, long break. Learner and I are slowly but surely getting back into the academic routine, and I thought I might start with a report on Learner's grades. Despite his doubts and two wretched group projects (which cost him in both Prep and Del and Covenant Theology), he did well (and even slightly better than he thought overall). Here's how things turned out:

- Greek in Exegesis - Predicted: B-/C; Actual: B-
(Learner's papers saved him; not too bad for flunking the mid-term)

- Preparation and Delivery of Sermons - Predicted: A; Actual: A-
(group project dragged him down)

- Theology of Prayer - Predicted: A; Actual: A+
(one project was the whole grade; fortunately, he did well on it)

- Covenant Theology - Predicted: A-/B+; Actual: B+
(group final exam score of 85 hurt; this one made him mad/sad)

- Spiritual and Ministry Formation - Predicted: B-/C; Actual: A-
(strong performances on final paper/exam salvaged this grade)

With classes starting in another two weeks, Learner is gearing up for the following courses:

- Elementary Homiletics
- Apologetics and Outreach
- Covenant Theology II
- God and Humanity
- Gospels

More as we get closer to starting back up...

Fall Semester

Done.

Ten Days Later

Learner (who is less than 12 hours away from taking his last final of the semester) and I were talking earlier today, marveling at how the past ten days have felt like a year and a minute at the same time. It seems between then and now, he has somehow successfully met all his deadlines without failing anything (at least to the degree he knows), and he's now fighting his desire to blow off this last exam and declare the mid-semester holiday officially begun.

Life on a seminary campus this time of the semester is quite interesting. For instance, Learner has certainly noticed fellow students becoming more sociable with each exam taken. As a result, Learner and Mrs. Learner have enjoyed some added time with others this weekend, though it's been a bit tricky as they themselves are not completely finished with their exams and have had to weigh their extroversion with their need to study (surprisingly, their need to study seems to have lost).

Another observation regarding a semester's end is that it's very difficult to talk about anything non-school related with others as everyone seems so overwhelmed by their building academic pressures. Learner hates this, but confesses that he fell into the trap more than a few times, both out of a habit-forming as well as a conversational necessity kind of way. In other words, one can try to bring up other topics of interest, but no one seems to have many others at this point in the semester. This, Learner thinks, is both understandable and sad.

Personally, the last 6-7 weeks (for it really has been crunch time since the beginning of November) have been good for Learner. He tends to function well under deadline and the need to focus, and does even better when everyone else is making a bigger deal of things than he himself normally would. Sure, he's given to extremity in terms of processing at times, but that gets held in check when someone else is being more ridiculous than he would even be.

Regarding his grades for the semester, here are his predictions:

- Greek in Exegesis: B-/C (yes, believe it or not, he should pass)
- Preparation and Delivery of Sermons: A
- Theology of Prayer: A
- Covenant Theology: A-/B+ (depending on his paper)
- Spiritual and MInistry Formation: B-/C (depending on his paper and the exam he takes tomorrow)

All in all (and considering he's still married and his four children still recognize and love him as their father), not a bad first full semester.

For my part, I give him a B- for making it through, for dealing with some issues head on, and for being liked by many and respected by most. That said, he still has room for improvement in terms of his devotional life (i.e. finding and having a consistent one), his use of time (particularly earlier in the semester when everything is not "due"), and his friendships with friends and professors (not thinking himself a bother in interacting with them).

So yes, all in all, not a bad first full semester. As soon as the grades come back, I'll post them here and we'll see how accurate Learner's evaluation really was.

Snow

Snowing hard today. Learner, having just taken his last Greek class (hopefully ever) this morning, turned in his exegetical notebook and Greek reading report, and is now spending the morning in the library basement reading technical commentaries on Matthew 5:17-20 in preparation for writing his exegetical paper this weekend.

Not one to miss out on a moment of melancholy as caused by this morning's quiet snowfall, Learner just emailed me a haiku poem inspired by the sight:

Sinner Wonderland
Snow falling down, white
Like grace over human shame
Sinner wonderland

One of his favorites so far, he says. Of course, this also counts for his poem prayer book project, so that makes him feel even better (he's all about creative multi-tasking).

How Do You Say "Slacker" in Greek?

Below is a note Learner is turning in tomorrow with his exegetical notebook on Ephesians (which he is even now trying to finish) and his Daily Greek NT Reading Report, a chart of his attempts to read his Greek New Testament ten minutes a day, five days a week this fall semester. The killer was that no two readings could be done on the same day, and each week's readings had to be done days in that week, with a maximum of five days credit for any one week.

What's done is done, I suppose. Final exegetical paper due Tuesday.

Here's the note:

Professor,

You’ll forgive me if this sounds like a page of excuses; it’s meant as an explanation, but I suppose sometimes there’s little difference between the two. As you can probably tell by my Daily Greek NT Reading Report, I was not a very good member of the 10-Minute-A-Day-Club, reading only a measly 10 out of 63 possible days. I’m not proud of this, but I knew I was in trouble as soon as you handed out the sheet and gave us the assignment.

You see, whenever I try a reading program (in Greek or English), I always struggle because my obsessive-compulsive tendencies tend to work against me. How? Basically, the first time I miss a day, I’m sunk, especially when I can’t go back and “catch up” the missed dates as per your instructions. Thus, you can see I started well but missed a day that first week, after which I went downhill. I tried for a fresh start week five, but after missing a day (and seeing the empty spaces above from previous weeks), I suppose I gave up. It’s just really hard for me to finish something if I have a daily, visible reminder of the fact that it’s not going to be perfectly completed.

Part of this quirk is due to personality (INTJ); most of it is lack of grit. I regret not having done more of this assignment, not only for the sake of my grade, but especially because I wanted to do so much better in learning Greek than I feel I have this semester. Because of your teaching, I have learned so much about Greek as a language; however, because of my own failure to dig in and fight through my lack of ability (which led to my lack of desire), I feel like I have failed miserably in actually learning the Greek language.

I wanted to write you this note to apologize, as well as to let you know that I’m really trying on the exegetical paper. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you. Please forgive me.

Learner

PS: The reason the X’s are on the sheet is so I wouldn’t feel tempted to write down passages I didn’t read. The last thing I wanted was to add lying to my failure in completing this report.

Surf's Up

After a stellar week last week of paper writing, reading, and taking his last Greek quiz ever, Learner is into week two of what looks to be a three-week attempt at desperately trying to stay on top and in front of the wave of momentum.

And it's been a good start: he's two-thirds of the way done with his exegetical notebook on the first four chapters of Ephesians (due Thursday), has pulled a majority of sources for his exegetical paper on Matthew 5:17-20 (due Tuesday), and has a killer page-and-a-half intro started on his Spiritual and Ministry Formation paper (due Tuesday). The prayer poem book is semi-laid out (though he wants to add a few more masterpieces), and he is even starting to initially think about some of the questions on various study guides for upcoming final exams (next week).

What's not so good is he is fighting off the sniffles and the beginnings of a cold as the weather has quickly snapped cold. And, after the momentary high from last week of ace-ing his Preparation and Delivery of Sermons exam and turning in his Covenant Theology paper, it's slow-going getting the momentum going again for another important week of work.

Momentum has always been a good thing for Learner. While he's not particularly one to put things off, he does occasionally need some instant of energy in which he gets things started before he can really feel like he's going. He says his philosophy has never been to fear the oncoming wave of building momentum (usually triggered by the calendar's deadlines); at the same time, he's not one of these guys who does the work so far ahead that it's more work paddling out (metaphorically speaking) than it's really worth.

Instead, Learner says his goal is to paddle out far and soon enough to catch a good wave and then, when the wave starts to build and then break, get up, focus, and stay on top and in front of the thing, riding it out for all it's worth rather than being crushed or missing it all together by the time it hits the shore. It's perhaps a little hard to illustrate in words, but Learner feels like the wave of momentum has crested, and these next ten days will be a wild ride to the beach.

Prayer Poems, Part 2

More entries from Learner's prayer poem project:

Wine Menu
Have mercy on me, O God
Lest your anger be all you have to offer
If so, I’d like to see your wine menu
That I might choose the harshest grapes of wrath

Safe to Say
It’s safe to say that I am a sinner
to say otherwise would be the risk involved
But I’m finally convincing myself
or maybe You are

I was wondering, though, God
As You are judge, witness, and defense
Does my case have to involve so many others?
Seems a little crowded here in the courtroom

Last I Checked
Last I checked, I was alright
But that was only a minute ago

I should probably check again
But that would be only a minute later

And besides, I was alright
Last I checked

Prayer Poems

Learner and the family spent a few days on the farm for Thanksgiving and had a relaxing, thankful time. They came back yesterday (Saturday) to get a running start on what could be one of their roughest academic weeks at seminary so far.

Aided (to some degree) by the fact that they have a few sick kids as of last night, they stayed home from church this morning and, perhaps somewhat guiltily, are enjoying the day at home.

One of the projects Learner is working on is his prayer poem book. Here are a few "masterpieces" (said smirkily with much sarcasm):

Depending on My Theology
Depending on my theology
God is sovereign or He’s biased
God is good or He’s absent
God allows or He’s dead

Depending on my theology
God observes or He’s deaf
God knows or He’s behind
God causes or He’s retired

Depending on my theology
God was or He wasn’t
God is or He isn’t
God is to come or He’s already left the building

Depending on my theology
my theology may not be the best thing to depend on

Prayer Haiku
It’s learning to breathe
Then learning to forget how
This is prayer to me

So he's no Whitman, but he's trying...and having fun in the process.

Weather That Matches His Temperament

Learner awoke this morning to the sound of rain. He walked to class with no umbrella or complaints. While others scurried around and scrunched down, Learner happily walked from building to building, marveling how people get freaked out by overcast skies and rain.

"This is weather that matches my temperament, so I feel right at home," he says. "It's just too bad I have to study and can't get out and enjoy it more."

Release the Beast Within

A month ago, Learner and a fellow student (Tom, pictured above) had the idea to finance their seminary experience with a new beer based on the Greek word "thaerion" (spelled here phoenetically), which translates to "beast" in English.

As Learner was looking for an excuse not to study this weekend, and Tom (who is all things Italian, hence the map above) was over for a movie, they stayed up late designing a bottle label for their beer.

Now if only they had an actual product to sell...

Anybody Got a Rubber Room?

It's beginning to hit the proverbial fan for Learner as, in addition to the same glorious/ridiculous amounts of required weekly reading, he can look forward to the following projects over the next month:

- Reading and completing an 8 page paper on D.A. Carson's Exegetical Fallacies for Greek in Exegesis (due Nov. 23rd)

- Researching and writing a 10-12 page hermeneutical process paper for Covenant Theology (due Dec. 2nd)

- Completing an exegetical notebook on Ephesians 1-4 for Greek in Exegesis (due Dec. 8th)

- Researching and writing a 10-12 page exegetical paper on Matthew 5:17-19 for Greek in Exegesis (due Dec. 12th)

- Writing and designing a prayer book of original poetry for Theology of Prayer (due Dec. 12th)

- Researching and writing a 8-10 page theology of ministry paper for Spiritual and Ministry Formation (due Dec. 12th)

Exams run Dec. 13th-19th.

Learner's psychotherapy begins Dec. 20th.

Recipe for Disaster

From Learner's readings in Covenant Theology class:

"Think of a doctrine. Double it with variant interpretations. Divide by denominational distinctives. Add some technical jargon. Subtract any practical relevance. Finally take away the doctrine you first thought of, and what are you left with? Probably the sum of the average theological student's awareness of the relation between his theological study and the mission of the church."

- Christopher J.H. Wright in Themelios 15.2 (1990), p. 39

Learner's Top Ten Seminary Lessons (So Far)

Another week, come and gone. I haven't written much this past week as Learner has been fairly preoccupied with catching up from fall break last weekend (Thursday-Sunday). Thankfully, with the exception of having to diagram a passage in Greek and cramming for two quizzes, the bulk of the work has been of the reading and highlighting type (Learner's favorite, followed closely by writing essays of any sort). As a result, he's just about caught up.

Earlier today, we were talking about what he's learning in the midst of his seminary experience so far. As the conversation was interesting, I asked him if I could take notes for my project here. While he still rolls his eyes at the premise of me (or anyone else) being interested, he agreed.

Here's what I wrote down:

1. It's been far too long since Learner has read (and read about) the Old Testament, particularly the exodus narrative. The power and significance of all that, he says, must have been almost too much to behold then, as it seems sometimes almost too much to believe now. But he does, and he's glad he does.

2. He has been guilty of an amazingly convincing type of individualistic evangelicalism and feels like he now must work very, very hard to even begin to read the Scriptures with more of its communal mentality in mind. He's not mad at anyone about this (himself in particular), but the question of how he missed it all these many years haunts him.

3. As he always says he has, Learner likes Reformed theology a lot, but says it scares him how smart some of the men (from the early church fathers to his current professors) were/are in crafting and communicating it. They make sense...and that scares him a bit.

4. At the same time (and perhaps in ambitious arrogance), he wonders what part in the ongoing thought and discussion of these ideas he might play now and in the future? Learner doesn't understand how he can love all this "stuff" (as he calls it) so much when he feels so comparatively inept in handling it.

5. It's not like it's a surprise, but he's come to the conclusion that he "sucks" (whatever that means) at biblical languages. While he can be a bit hard on himself, there is some evidence for his claim (i.e. failing his Greek mid-term with a score of 62%).

6. Every thought (great, awful, or otherwise) has been said or written by someone else a dozen times over throughout the course of history. What, Learner wonders, was he originally thinking when he thought he was originally thinking?

7. It's taken a long time (and it's still a long road to hoe), but he might barely be beginning to understand the idea of responding to God's grace rather than trying to earn it. Stay tuned.

8. Learner wishes everyone could experience seminary, but he also realizes not everyone would want to because of all the reading, writing, thinking, and studying involved. He's okay with that, though in a way, he says, it makes him a little sad.

9. He's discovered that professors have more to do than just teach and write books, but strangely, most of them want to do more than just teach and write books; in other words, they care for their students. This surprises Learner, as just when he thought he might not be "geek" enough for the job, he now wonders if he might be too much.

10. Finally, the theme/goal of Learner's seminary experience (thus far, at least) seems to be to have no pride left to swallow by the time he's through (if, indeed, he makes it through). He says he's not there yet, but the progression has certainly been in this direction.

Riding the Short Bus

From Learner's write-up for Spiritual and Ministry Formation class:

"On page 85 of Children of the Living God, author Sinclair Ferguson asks, 'Have you ever seen a well-adjusted family cope with a brother or sister who is physically or mentally retarded? It is deeply moving to watch the mixture of special discipline and grace that makes such a family member not only belong, but actually be treated as special in the family circle. So it should be in the family of God.'

My own experience resonates with Ferguson’s observation of what the family of God should be like. More times than I can count, I have been the retarded family member in need of special discipline and grace – for my inabilities, for my lack of self-control, for my need for help and attention. Fortunately, I have been around many (and am married to one) who choose to “cope” with me despite my special needs, for I can be hard to live with and to love.

While the first five chapters of Ferguson’s book did little for me overall, I can’t get this illustration of the special needs family out of my head; it is a powerful and personal idea of what God is and what his family is to be. I need to pray for more of a heart to cope with others and their own special needs, just as God and so many others do and have done for me. After all, when it comes to maturity, I’ve been riding the short bus most of my life."

How to Make the Sadist Greek Professor Laugh

This morning, after finishing his Greek mid-term exam a full 10 minutes after everyone had left the room, Learner turned his test into his professor, who with a smile, gleefully asked how it was.

"Everything you promised and more," Learner said. "But it's kind of like vomiting," he continued, "you always feel better when it's over."

The professor burst out laughing and paid Learner the ultimate of compliments: "I'm going to remember that one," he said with a grin.

All Talk

Earlier this evening, after dropping the children off at the seminary's log cabin for a few hours of free childcare, Learner and Mrs. Learner went to dinner with The Renaissance Man and his wife. The food was Mexican, the conversation enjoyable, and the laughs fun and honest.

During the conversation, Mrs. Learner mentioned that she and Learner were going to pull an all-nighter this evening in order to catch up on quite a bit of housework, study, and time together.

Learner called a minute ago to tell me this, as well as to say he's still planning to make good on the threat. However, he said, after finishing a reading assignment, Mrs. Learner fell asleep on the couch at about 10:15 p.m. Apparently she's still there.

"She's all talk," Learner said.

Knowing him the way I do, I'd say he will be shortly as well.

Mid-Term Slump/Crunch

It's ironic Learner has hit a mid-term slump in his reading and studying just as the mid-term crunch of exams and papers kicks in.

It's going to be a long two weeks until the end of the month, he says.

Bored with the Gospel

As part of the continuing Spiritual and Ministry Formation discussion on understanding and living by grace rather than works, Learner is wrestling with author Jerry Bridges' words on page 67 of his book, Transforming Grace:

“We need to remember that God has already been shown to be the exceedingly gracious and generous landowner. To realize that grace, all we must do is acknowledge we are not more than eleventh-hour workers.”

This phrase best describes the disconnect for Learner in understanding and living by grace. Unfortunately, he's not sure knowing/recognizing it as such helps all that much.

In the past, Learner has been told by those who have loved him that he has an “entitlement complex” of sorts. The guy who once explained it best said that the story Learner seems to repeatedly believe about himself (i.e. who he is and what he thinks he deserves) somehow gives him permission to engage in behavior and thinking that does not always go along with who he really is (a Christian) and what he really deserve otherwise (hell).

Thus, his experience would back up Bridges’ theory that to live by grace involves changing how he views himself. But (and this is the frustrating part), he's not sure he's seen it work when he's tried (and he supposes his trying is part of the problem, but he REALLY doesn’t get what the alternative is).

Part of the problem is people won’t let Learner confess how wretched he sometimes knows that he is because they themselves don’t or won’t believe it; part of it is that he thinks that he's honestly just bored with the gospel as both a narrative and a motivator, and he's not sure he's experiencing it as reason and power to change. He says he knows he should, but he's not sure he has, at least not to the extent that he dreams he might.

And yet, by God’s grace (he's sure), he believes. "Go figure," he says.

Avon Calling

Learner and I are sitting in the seminary's newly remodeled student lounge, talking. By no intention of our own, we can't help but overhear a loud conversation between a soon-to-graduate missionary-hopeful and the world's most eager recruiter.

The over-the-top enthusiasm is exceeded only by the number of ministry cliches used. As a result, the missionary recruit is buying it all hook, line, and sinker, thanks to the annoying "God has a plan for your life," paint-by-numbers tone and mentality of the recruiter.

"Ring, ring. Time to pick up the clue phone," Learner says. I agree.

Mid-Term Mercy

Learner's Greek prof, in a fit of mercy, moved the mid-term exam back a week to better cover subjunctives, participles, and infinitives.

When Exegesis Attacks

This morning, Learner and the rest of his classmates in Greek exegesis turn in their team exegetical assignment. The professor (who is writing a commentary on the book of Ephesians; thus, Learner's theory is that he and his classmates are doing his research for him) had divided the class into groups of 3 or 4 with an assigned passage from the last two chapters of Ephesians 5 or 6.

Tasked with compiling technical commentary for Ephesians 6:10-20, Learner and two other assigned classmates met to divide the workload. Upon discussion of the assignment in which they made sure they each knew what was expected, they divided the work, agreeing to take two weeks to ensure time to research the recommended and required four commentaries, and write their individual reports.

Upon completion of their individual assignments, Learner compiled the results and emailed initial draft to the other two. They then met the next morning for two hours to walk through the draft in detail, with each contributor highlighting the main ideas as well as the nuances of his passage. Questions were asked, points clarified, wording and formatting adjusted, and the report submitted.

I won't bore you with the entirety of their final 31-page report, but in case you're interested, here's a non-technical snippet from Learner's findings on Ephesians 6:18 (I didn't include the Greek translation and word studies due to Blogger's inability to reproduce the Greek font):

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

–Paul describes attitude to maintain by use of two participles (“praying” and “keeping alert”)
1) could express means but more likely shows manner of action; argues punctuation at end of 17 should be comma rather than period (Hoehner, 855)
2) prayer itself is not identified with any weapon (O’Brien, 483)
3) prayer is not seventh piece of spiritual armor as some claim (Lincoln, 451)
4) prayer is believer’s “vital communication with headquarters” (Bruce, 413)

–Cyclical perspective: prayer is for the purpose of maintaining alertness; prayer causes alertness, alertness keeps believers in prayer (Hoehner, 859)

–One-way perspective: believers need to stay alert; such vigilance is to be accompanied by perseverance and prayer; believers are to persevere so as to overcome fatigue and discouragement, and not to fall into spiritual sleep or complacency (O’Brien, 485)

–Lincoln agrees more with O’Brien than Hoehner: to be alert involves renouncing spiritual sleep of the darkness of this age (cf. also 1 Peter 4:7)

–Paul’s call to prayer in expectation of the Lord’s coming seems reasonable (cf. 1 Corinthians 16:22; Revelation 22:20; linked elsewhere in NT: Romans 12:12; Colossians 4:2; cf. Acts 1:14; 2:42; 6:4) (O’Brien, 485)

–Important to note repetition in this verse, done for emphasis to suggest thoroughness and intensity in regards to prayer (Hoehner, 459)

–“all the saints” indicates all believers are involved in this struggle against evil powers (Hoehner, 859)

–“all the saints” refers to those whom have been joined in the new community of God’s people (cf. 1:15; 2:24-18:3:8); four-fold “alls” (“prayer and supplication, with all perseverance, and supplication for all the saints”) underscores most emphatically the significance which the apostle gave to such mutual intercession (O’Brien, 486); four-fold alls typical of writer’s plerophory of style (Lincoln, 453)

–Preposition means “around, about, concerning” and when followed by genitive after verbs or nouns regarding prayer “introduces the person or thing in whose interest the petition is made; thus, takes places of “concerning, on behalf of” (BAGD 644; BDAG 797; cf. also Wallace, Greek Grammar, 363)

–Writer reminds readers of links with all the saints (cf. 1:15; 3:18), which should bear fruit in breadth of their concerns and prayers (Lincoln, 453)

This is probably enough to make the point that this was not an enjoyable assignment. At least as of this morning, though, it's over.

Mid-term exam in one week. "Ugh," Learner says.

Is There a Debit Card for That?

With the exception of detailing Learner's fall schedule (which, to his amazement, he has been able to stick to so far), I recognize that many of the posts throughout September were a bit "soft" in terms of actual reporting on the academic elements of seminary life. Forgive me. I have such a heart for Learner that oftentimes in my subjectivity I forget to include the more objective realities of his experiences.

So, as we're into a new month (October - one of Learner's favorites for reasons of fall weather and the World Series), let me take more of a "beat reporter" mindset and bring you news from Learner's Spiritual and Ministry Formation class, which is designed to help the student identify calling, gifting, ministry philosophy and contribution. Having just finished The Call by Os Guinness, Learner and Mrs. Learner have started Transforming Grace by Jerry Bridges, in which Bridges writes with helpful simplicity about a matter that, for Learner at least, is personally complicated: the grace of God.

Bridges is a master of both unique but accurate exposition. For instance (and with regard to the parable of the landowner in Matthew 20:1-16): “The landowner was not only fair with his workers; he was progressively more generous with each group of workers he hired throughout the day. He received, not what he had earned on an hourly basis, but what he needed to sustain his family for a day. The landowner could have paid them only what they had earned, but he chose to pay them according to their need, not according to their work. He paid according to grace, not debt.”

While Learner wants to critique Bridges’ presumption as to the landowner’s motives in paying a full day’s wages (couldn’t he have just been keeping his advertised word rather than giving thought at all to the worker’s needs?), he's not sure his skepticism makes sense as to why Jesus would tell the parable in the first place. Contextually, Jesus is not trying to prove that God keeps his word but rather that he is a generous and gracious God who gives what we do not deserve, out of grace and not out of debt, as Bridges puts it.

Learner's tendency toward this kind of critique is unfortunately too telling as to how little he really experiences the grace of God. His sense (obsession) of right and wrong, combined with five generations of farm background in which “you only get what you work for” and “don’t bother anyone with your troubles” constantly works against his acceptance (though not his recognition) of his need for grace. Sadly, to this farm boy, grace is what you are to give to others (it’s what good neighbors do); debt is what you have to pay back (and, he says, "we all know what payback is...").

More to come...

Open Season

Yesterday, after hearing no questions pertaining to the vast verb tense chart covered in class, Learner's Greek professor declared "open season" on said chart and everything previous for Thursday's quiz.

"Open season." These were the actual words, Learner said.

"Why does it suddenly feel like I have antlers?" he asked.

Learner As Mr. Ed

From Learner's reading to his children, in which Bree, who once thought of himself as noble war horse and trusty steed, is comforted by the old Hermit as Bree had just tucked tail and run for his life while his rider, Shasta, jumped off to turn and fight off the lion (Aslan) chasing his injured female friend, Aravis, on her horse, Hwin:

“‘My good Horse,’ said the Hermit, who had approached them unnoticed because his bare feet made so little noise on that sweet, dewy grass. ‘My good Horse, you’ve lost nothing but your self-conceit. No, no, cousin. Don’t put back your ears and shake your mane at me. If you are really so humbled as you sounded a minute ago, you must learn to listen to sense. You’re not quite the great Horse you had come to think, from living among poor dumb horses. Of course you were braver and cleverer than them. You could hardly help being that. It doesn’t follow that you’ll be anyone very special in Narnia. But as long as you know you’re nobody very special, you’ll be a very decent sort of Horse, on the whole...’”

- from The Horse and His Boy, by C.S. Lewis, pgs. 151-152

Day of Prayer

Official day of prayer today at the seminary - no classes. Learner says this has been much-needed time set aside to refocus a bit and just talk to God. As always, the idea of a day of prayer is more intimidating to him that it should be...but usually more meaningful than he thought it would be in the end as well.

Asking him what he's been praying about, Learner let me read his journal (he tends to be most focused when he writes out his prayers). This is what he prayed/wrote this morning:

"How do I pray today, Lord? For forgiveness, certainly; for understanding and patience in the interim, definitely; for a warm heart and a growing hope, to be sure; for a sense of some kind of presence and progress that are beyond me, no doubt - for all these, Lord, I ask you.

I again confess my sin - the control tendencies, the fear, the pride, the lack of trust, the abundance of lust, the cold and arrogant way I can have about me toward others, the self-reliance, the self-preoccupation, the self itself - God, forgive me of all this and help me turn from it all in ways both great and small, measurable and surprising. Thank you for your mercy and grace in the meantime - past, present, and future. You are patient with me, God. Remind me of this when I am so impatient with you.

For Mrs. Learner and the children, Lord, I ask that you be the husband and father I could never be. Keep them from a life of unnecessary fear - from lack of provision, from missing love, from conditional acceptance, from lack of protection - because they have you as husband and father (and thus hope) in addition to me. Reassure them somehow when I don't or can't, and keep me from being threatened by your perfection in the midst of my imperfection.

What do you have to say to me, Lord? What is it you want me to hear? What is standing in the way of responding to your voice? Can I ask you to speak louder, or would you help me to think softer? You know my heart in the matter - the good and the wicked of it both. Help me understand it better, that I might trust you with it completely.

I don't think I worry per se, God, but I do wonder: what is your plan for all this (our family, our time at seminary, my writing, my life)? How will you provide for our needs (for our finances, our emotions, our relationships)? Where will any of our past and present lead to down the road, and will we be able to be (or learn to be) honestly and truly content? I don't worry, God, but I do wonder. Keep the latter from becoming the former.

I pray for my classmates, Lord, for all these same things and ones you know about that I don't. Like me, they are unworthy of any call (and feel so), and yet they are made worthy by the call because it is your call. Allow them the joy of seeing that call fulfilled. Their hearts are bursting; their minds are sharp - place them according to your will and pleasure, and allow me whatever opportunity is helpful to them toward that end.

Thank you for this time, this place, this life, Lord. Restore the joy of my salvation here and now (or at least soon), and enable the overflow of it to touch others and bless you. Not my will but yours be done...really...hopefully...humbly...truly.

Amen."

Amen, indeed. He doesn't pray often, but when he does, it's honest.

Lessons Learned

Learner just called with the bad news that his Specialized mountain bike (a $600 gift from his former director) is missing, probably stolen. Last he saw it, it was by their apartment's backdoor, placed in a corner not visible from the front; in other words, only somebody who knew it was back there or who happened to be wandering in back could have taken it. This makes Learner sad...and angry.

It's what he gets for trying to trust people, he says. It's what he gets for trying to hold his possessions with an open hand, daring life to either confirm or negate just how much or how little he actually is tied to his belongings. But perhaps the lesson that hurts most (even more than the one that you should always lock up your bike even on a seminary campus) is that it is indeed a fallen world. Learner says he's getting really tired of learning that one on a daily basis.

Had Learner seen him steal it, woe to the guy who took the bike, he says. Instead, he guesses he'll just have to forgive and move on.

On foot, that is.

Skipping

Learner is skipping chapel this morning to exegete Ephesians 1.

It begins.

Less Is More

Living on campus has afforded Learner and Mrs. Learner the opportunity to sell their red 1992 Cavalier. This leaves them with only their 1996 Honday Odyssey minivan...and no other car insurance, maintenance, or (supposedly) headaches apart from it.

"Less is more," Learner says.

That is, until he has to get somewhere.

Ten Days In

Officially ten (or so) days into the fall semester and it is both glorious and ridiculous in terms of the amount of reading and scheduling required to make things work, Learner says. World-class athletes have no margin for missing work-outs or sloughing off on their diets as their bodies are so finely tuned and affected by even the slightest deviation from their regimen; the same feels true for him right now (minus the world-class athlete physique and the almost humorous idea of Learner on some kind of diet).

And yet, he's loving it as it really feels like what he thought graduate school/seminary might. Between Learner and Mrs. Learner, they have 19 hours, but even with homeschooling their four children, this has seemed fairly manageable (even fun). If they’ve felt any struggle with schedules right now, it’s been because of random external circumstances (day-and-a-half membership class at church this past weekend combined with Mrs. Learner’s parents being here; the family gearing up to go to the farm next weekend so the children can experience the local Apple Festival, etc.). After next weekend, Learners says he thinks they’ll be able to hunker down and be okay.

And yet, Learner wouldn't be Learner if there wasn't a flip-side. Here’s what he says he's nervous about:

• Papers – not so much writing them but researching them (it’s been a long time, he says, and he's not sure he knows all the rules for the process anymore, especially now that everything’s changed because of the Internet). He hopes to get some time at the seminary's Writing Center soon for some pointers.
  
  
• Relationships – it’s been good in that they've connected with some folks so far, but already Learner says he feels he's toward the brim of his people-cup, at least in terms of doing more with a few and being cordial and interested in the rest. Being on campus is still a great thing and he loves walking to class and seeing many people whose names he knows (he still remembers what it felt like to be lost in a sea of humanity at his university of countless thousands); however, there are folks he gravitates toward and others he doesn't, and he's still figuring out how to think about that.
  
  
• The children – in many respects, he's as close to his kids as he's ever been in terms of locale, time, and initiative, and yet they are really beginning to change (his two oldest, especially). Trying to keep track of what’s going on with each of them is requiring some new discipline on his part to evolve his parenting tendencies and let them learn some things in some new ways. It’s good, he says, and he's learning as they do, but it’s also different, just as everything else about their lives seems to be these days.

In general, though, he's encouraged by the fact that the family is here and that they're here now – at this stage of their lives – and not earlier or later. God’s timing, he says, has seemed quite right in many respects, and he's trusting that the sense of that is also the reality of it. While he and Mrs. Learner are far from figuring things out, they are working hard and making the most of the opportunities before them in a way that matches the challenges coming at them.

Learner said he had the thought the other day that, if for some reason, someone told him he had a year to live so what would he do with it, his thought was that he's doing what he wants to do with it now, though that’s not always been the case in the past. All in all, he says, it feels like a really good fit so far, dead or alive.

Swinging for the Trees

Last night at about 9:15 p.m., Learner was walking home from his Theology and Practice of Prayer class (the last of a long day's worth) when he looked over at the campus playground and saw a grown man, alone in full motion, swinging on the playground swingset.

The sight of this 225-pound adult - legs pumping and head and upper body thrown back for momentum - coupled with the evening's teaching that prayer need not be long, eloquent, or intense to be done or effectual, caused Learner to stop in his tracks to offer a prayer to God asking for a similar lightness of spirit.

"Swinging for the trees," Learner said. "The man on the swing, too."

An Email to Learner's New Pastor

Last week, Learner emailed his new pastor a copy of his weekly schedule. The pastor responded, remarking at "the many hats you'll be wearing in the next few years," and asking how he could "come alongside" this fall (Learner is formally interning with the church). Still trying to dig out from this week's first classes, Learner asked me to draft an email from my perspective as to what I thought his pastor needed to know. "We spend so much time together," he said, "we're practically one and the same." I agreed, and this is what I wrote:

Dear Pastor,

Thanks again for your email. And thanks, too, for 1) not trying to talk Learner out of his schedule - yes, it’s a lot, but he knows himself well enough by now to discern the difference between a schedule that’s too much and one that’s just hard; and 2) not telling but asking him how you could help and letting him respond. Typically, he invites only a select few to speak into his life, which is why he sent you his schedule in the first place. So, congratulations. And, as Learner himself would say, "Welcome to the freak show."

Learner and Mrs. Learner were up late last night working on all the online “diagnostics” their professor assigned for Spiritual and Ministry Formation that they have together. In going through the different personality tests and surveys, the thing that struck him is how well they both know themselves and each other and really have come a long way in being intentional and observant in the ten years since they first started thinking about who they are and what any of that might mean.

All your titles for him in your email ("husband, father, father, father, father, employee, intern, student") were accurate (he liked the “father” thing four times - that was funny). He wouldn’t give any of them up for anything (though sometimes the employee thing wears on him because, as a rule, he hates money and the fact/reality that it takes money to live and having to make enough of a living so his kids can eat when all he really wants to do is study to do things that are never going to be big money providers - write books, teach, etc. - can get frustrating).

In answer to your question, for him, “guy time” is probably going to have to be “night time,” more specifically after his children are in bed, which is usually around 8 p.m. As he's gone two evenings a week (Monday and Tuesday) already for classes, he says he wants to make sure he can be around to help Mrs. Learner put the kids down for bed as much as he can (bedtime can be a nightmare sometimes, though it’s getting better). Being the good INTJ that he is (ever-increasing on the Introvert-side of things, he found out taking the test again last night), he'll occasionally need some initiation to do something outside of the norm of his schedule, as he's not one to frequent too many bars if left to himself.

A word on “to do something”: it doesn’t have to be much, and frankly, he’d prefer that it not be. Coffee/tea somewhere, or a walk around campus or a park to pray, a museum or anything else that’s cheap and low-key are always his bias. You’ll rarely get him to go out with a bunch of guys just for fun as he's at a point in life in which he needs/wants a few close friends, and not more acquaintances who he doesn’t even know their last names. This doesn’t mean he won’t or shouldn’t do things in a group setting (especially if he needs to for his internship responsibilities with the church in terms of getting to know people), but these are just his preferences. Mrs. Learner says he's his own best friend, so read into that what you will.

One specific thing that you can help him with is to be periodically thinking about how he's doing with all the academic hoops he needs to jump through with seminary and higher education in general. When it comes to mandatory processes and paperwork (read: bureaucracy), he doesn't do all that well trying to keep up with what he needs to file and whose signatures need to be on it. Again, as he learned last night, part of this is preference (he just doesn’t care) and part of it is ignorance (his understanding of higher education as anything more than a goal at this point in time is nil). The time when you drew out the internship process on the board and showed him how to jump through all the hoops once instead of three times was a huge help, not just as an education of the process, but also as a relief that someone else might be able to think about this with him and on his behalf. You know the system(s) so much better than he does. He definitely needs your help there.

The other thing that you can help him with is to keep him from becoming too denominational. That may sound funny considering you’re a denominational pastor and all, but one thing that he said he appreciated about you is that you come from a parachurch background, wrote a book with a non-denominational publisher, and seem to have a bit of discernment as to the need not to confuse this particular denomination with being God’s only chosen church. Don’t get him wrong, he says: he likes the denomination and is growing in his love for and understanding of the church as a whole; at the same time, however, he has no desire to become the world’s greatest denominationalist, and he grows weary of all the lingo and, honestly, arrogance that says the denomination has it all figured out (so far, he says, he's gotten that attitude more from students than professors, but he's still a little gunshy). Like you, he has a pretty highly-developed crap-o-meter, and he'd rather not have it going off all the time (it goes off enough here at seminary).

Other things: of course, you’re always welcome to tutor him in Greek exegesis, but you do have a life. One thing that would really be helpful is if you could give him a 20-30 minute review on the research process you use for paper-writing, etc. Learner's high school did such a poor job on the basics of that (it’s all changed now anyway with the Internet) and he always made it through college on the strength of his writing rather than the quality of his research, but that won’t happen here. He feels like that’s a potentially big blind spot for him right now, and anything you’d be willing to do to help him there (charts, pulling out your notes to something, showing him how you categorize, organize - just pretend it’s sophomore year all over again and he's the jock in the class who has to write a paper or he can’t play quaterback anymore) would be really helpful.

He supposes that, in general, he needs to feel trusted not only with responsibility but also with relationship. He's always had more of a mutual friendship with his pastors than just a receiving one - several of them have trusted him with what they “really” think about God, people, the church, etc., and he served them well by being in their corner. He knows there’s no perfect church and he doesn't think yours is either, and he needs you to not be afraid to process stuff like that with him or “protect” him from it. He was encouraged that you didn’t do that when you first met, and he hopes that can continue. He can be a very loyal friend, a shrewd (in a good way) adviser, and one who doesn’t gossip but who instead knows how to keep a confidence. And, he's learning again how to pray, slowly but surely.

As a rule, he tends to be fairly low-maintenance (to lead anyway), very much a self-starter (and finisher – closure is a drug to him), hates to be micro-managed and patronized, and usually does well enough with correction and confrontation when it starts with facts and not motives. He usually does better when he has too little time than when he has too much time on his hands, and he, like you, hates when stuff is done poorly, which can be a bit hard to live with (just ask Mrs. Learner for specifics on this).

I hope some of this helps. Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you as I'm with Learner quite a bit (sometimes to Mrs. Leaner's chagrin) and usually have a pretty good idea what he's thinking about and dealing with. And thanks again for your interest in Learner's life. It means a lot.

Sincerely,

Tychicus

Default Schedule

Class started on Thursday and Learner has been scrambling to keep up with the flood of new faces, assignments, professors, and ideas coming at him. At first it was almost too much, but after getting some reading done yesterday and getting organized (a practice that does much good for his OCD tendencies), he thinks there's hope he can handle it, at least for now.

As I haven't yet, maybe I should give you a look into Learner's "default schedule" (he calls it "default" with the mentality that, should nothing out of the ordinary happen - ahem - this would be his day):

5:00 Time with the Lord
5:30 Study/work
7:00 Breakfast/shower/family
8:00 Greek Exegesis (T, TH); Preparation and Delivery of Sermons (W, F)
9:30 Chapel (T, F); covenant group (W); study/work (Th)
10:30 Study/work (T, Th); Covenant Theology (W, F)
12:00 Lunch/family
1:00 Study/work/watch children while Mrs. Learner takes Intro to Counseling (T, Th: 3:00-4:15)
5:30 Dinner/family
6:15 Spiritual Ministry Formation with Mrs. Learner (M); Theology & Prayer (T)/family (W-F)
7:30 Read Chronicles of Narnia to children (W-F)
8:15 Study/work (W-F)
9:15 Bed

It's going to be a busy fall. I hope I can keep up with him.

The Chronicles of Fall

Two days away from starting classes for the fall, Learner spent a majority of yesterday registering and scheduling, getting all his ducks in a row, and pretending to be in complete control of life (if only in his head and on paper). It felt good, he says.

Taking 14 hours this semester, studying 20 and working 19 per week, preparing and teaching a Sunday School class for 10 weeks beginning this Sunday, and trying to be of some help to Mrs. Learner as she homeschools the kids while taking and studying for 5 hours of class herself, it's going to be a full fall.

Last night, Learner had a breakthrough with the children at bedtime. Desperate for a change, he started reading The Chronicles of Narnia to them and they loved it, his oldest (who has been causing most of the trouble lately) especially. He read to them (all four, in their beds, in the same room) three chapters (about 45 pages/minutes worth), and they were, for the most part, enthralled, he says.

Personally, Learner says it was a much-needed moment of relief and joy of actually feeling like a father again, and he's hoping to make this part of their routine in the new fall schedule.

The other major schedule adjustment this fall is Learner's wake and sleep times. He's always historically done better "early to bed, early to rise" (in college, he and his roommate used to go to sleep at 9 p.m., getting up at 6 a.m., which was somewhat underhead of at the undergraduate level). Thus, he's making a point to shoot for sleep by 9:30 each night in order to rise at 5 a.m. each morning.

(Note: For some reason, he called about an hour ago (3:30 a.m.) to tell me all this, saying he was up because he had to "take out" a loud cricket that made it indoors. Afterward, he couldn't get back to sleep, which was okay, he said, because he fell asleep by 9:45 p.m. after reading ahead for his beginning homiletics class and feels fine.)

"I got the cricket," he says. "Congratulations," I tell him.

Anyway, Learner says that if he gets to bed early, he thinks he can make it; if not, he has no idea how else to get done what he needs to and still maintain some semblance of time with the Lord (not to mention keep hold of his personal sanity as well).

"Now is not the time to be passive in planning. 'Seize the day' and all that crap," he says.

In addition to the night's cricket-killing exercise, he checked his email and got word he actually passed his beginning Greek class (no small thanks to the given extra credit), and is officially heading for Greek exegesis, which he registered for by faith yesterday.

He's motivated (now/again). Help him, God. Be his motivation.

New Day, New Week

Let's hope so. That's what Learner's been praying for, anyway.

Learner's Inferno

Tonight has been a very terrible night, with one of the worst bedtimes ever in the home (“Not that there are ever many good ones,” Learner says). He's discouraged, as is Mrs. Learner, and their children all went to bed in tears from a plethora of spankings, of which Learner hates being the dreaded provider.

“What’s the difference between children and terrorists?” he asks me.

“I don’t know,” I reply.

“You can negotiate with terrorists,” he answers, sullen.

The thing is, none of this should surprise him, especially after attending the aforementioned welcome reception hosted by the seminary. Somewhat surprisingly, the evening was more than tolerable (though ever a bit cheeseball - in general, professorial humor and timing tend to be one step above that of junior high boys, minus the crude references).

Learner saw many of his classmates - all cleaned up and clean-shaven (Albert took the prize for the best definition of "semi-formal," coming in a suit with sandals and no socks) - and the desserts were exquisite. But the highlight of the evening (other than Mrs. Learner, who looked very pretty, Learner said) was a very powerful message from the seminary president that stuff like this evening would happen during their time at seminary. Learner and Mrs. Learner were both touched by the gentleness with which such bad news was given, as well as hopeful in somehow fulfilling the challenging call to not rely on anything other than grace for the chance of making it through.

But that’s easier said than done, especially when his four small children – Learner’s version of Luther’s “little heathen” - seem to be functioning as the devil’s own this evening. Learner says he feels like he just used up whatever last bit of grace he had tonight (not that there’s ever much there on a daily basis) and the Storeowner from whom to get more is closed indefinitely.

With fall classes (let alone another 7,000 bedtimes) not even commencing yet, he’s running out of hope that, without some serious voluntary behavior modification on the part of his little ones, his ever-lurking legalistic tendency will fight through his desperate attempts to beat it down and ruin his children, who will grow up remembering him as a father who was only angry, nothing more.

Learner wonders if there really is grace for his anger; for many reasons, there shouldn’t be, he says. And if that were the case, he wishes God would just get it over with and smite him now, so at least his wife and children wouldn't have to deal with his frustration again.

“At least they could collect the insurance,” he mutters.

As I said, tonight has been a very terrible night...

Fancy, Dancy

Learner is between semesters (summer and fall), and gearing up for classes to start next week. Activities this coming weekend include a semi-formal program/dessert with the seminary president tonight, time spent with a few new neighbors, a last binge of fiction reading, and church on Sunday.

Next week holds registration for fall classes, a lot of work for Learner's part-time job (more on that soon), message preparation for the Sunday School class Learner is teaching this fall, a Greek vocab review, and still more fiction reading. Thursday, it all begins.

Learner says he's not sure about this evening's "fancy, dancy reception," as he calls it. He just doesn't do that well with crowds of colleagues in ties pretending to be polished and proper when all summer long they've been sweating out Greek in T-shirts and shorts.

While I've not been invited, Learner promises a full report afterward; thus, I will as well. Hope the dessert's good at least.

Truth and Preciousness

Said to Learner by his 3 1/2 year-old today, just before naptime:

"Daddy, you're a piece of work."

All the therapy in the world could not begin to compare in truth and preciousness. "Therapists don't hug and kiss you, either," Learner said.

Mr. and Mrs. Oreo

In the midst of hustling and bustling to get four small children ready for Sunday School and church this Sabbath morning, Learner and Mrs. Learner each made independent clothing choices that, after getting everyone strapped in the minivan, they discovered were identical: Learner had on a white shirt, tie, and black pants; Mrs. Learner had on a sleeveless white sweater and a black skirt. As there was no time to change (they were already ten minutes late), they left for church.

"Mr. and Mrs. Oreo." "Ward and June." "The new Mormon couple." These were just a few of their self-conscious labels ("somewhat embarrassed" was another). Graciously, no one at church said anything or seemed to notice, and I played dumb and kept quiet.

But it was pretty funny.

Counter-Cultured

The Renaissance Man called last night to see if Learner wanted to meet him this morning at the local art museum for some research/appreciation of a current exhibit featuring the Hudson River School artists. (In addition to finishing up his last semester at seminary, TRM is a teacher at a classical school, and is planning to bring his students to the exhibit at the beginning of September.)

Having his Greek final behind him ("it went well enough," he reported, in case you were wondering) and always one for culture ("despite growing up without much of any," he mumbled), Learner said he would go, inviting me to come along as a chaperone.

We met TRM at 11:30, paid for the exhibit, and began walking through, looking at the paintings. Thomas Cole, Frederic Church - these men and others, TRM explained, lived and painted between wars (Revolutionary and Civil), when America was still being explored, but also beginning to be settled (think Lewis & Clark exploring the West and Thoreau, Emerson, and Whitman waxing eloquent about nature, solitude, etc.).

Artistically, just about every painting was filled with amazing light and atmosphere ("a precursor of Thomas Kinkade," Learner pointed out, though he did so with some disdain for his work - something about his paintings being "like velvet Elvises in 50 years," whatever those are). And yet, the origin of the light (the sun) was never fully present in the works. The glow was obvious; the source, however, was not in full view, a metaphor, TRM postulated, for the Romantic period's perspective that nature was supreme and truth existed, though not necessarily tied to one source.

It was an enjoyable hour, one in which Learner said he was glad to serve as a guinea pig for TRM's field trip in a few weeks, as well as expand his own art education, which (like just about every other topic of study at his high school) was barely presented. This ever-increasing awareness of how poor a high school education he received has, in the past few years, become one of Learner's biggest discouragements, as he feels behind the powercurve of what everyone in his or her mid-thirties should know about culture and the world.

Trying to be helpful, I reminded him that he at least knew a little about Thomas Kinkade and velvet Elvises.

"My point," he said.

Oh.

Summer Greek Final Tonight

Two-and-a-half months ago ("It feels like two-and-a-half years," Learner says), Greek class began. Tonight, with a two-and-a-half hour final, Greek ends (until - hopefully - exegesis in the fall).

Learner says he hopes "two-and-a-half" isn't a recurring theme when it comes to actual points earned. He needs a few more than that.

Power Outage (in More Ways Than One)

A massive storm came through on Saturday, robbing the campus (and a good portion of the city) of electricity for several days. After waiting it out for 24 hours, Learner and his family went to church on Sunday morning hopeful, but then gave up afterward and drove north 100 miles to Learner's family's farm for a convenient overnight complete with plenty of space, refrigeration, and air conditioning.

I agreed to stay on campus to let him know when the power came back on, which it did at about 8 p.m. last night. As I didn't want to disturb his retreat at the farm (one of his favorite places in the whole world), I waited and called him mid-morning today with the news. He said he wasn't all that glad for the power's return, as that meant he had to go to Greek class tonight, leaving the farm to do so after only a 12-hour respite. Nevertheless, they made the trip and got back this afternoon about 3 p.m., upon which Mrs. Learner threw out a majority of their spoiled food and went shopping.

When I had called him earlier this morning, Learner thanked me for sticking around to let him know about the power's return. He also mentioned he thought I was a better man than he, as I chose to endure a little inconvenience while he took his family and ran from it. I assured him that he was simply doing what was best for all involved, to which he agreed, but then mentioned it was a good thing they never went to Africa as they were planning (Learner had even made an initial scouting trip) - they never would have survived.

I assured him he was overreacting and was simply weary from the hassle of the weekend, not to mention thinking about his last week of summer semester and his Greek final on Thursday. He agreed, but then was quick to say that he was also tired of the campus serving as a metaphor for his current condition.

"And what condition is that?" I asked.

"One that's out of power," he said, just before he hung up.

Now that the power has come back on around campus, I'm hoping it will do the same in Learner as well. The guy could use a jump.

Sure Looks Like a Squirrel to Him

Last night, as Learner and his classmates made it to the fifth and final chapter of their 1 John translations, Learner said he had the thought that studying anything academically legitimizes it, regardless of whether it deserves to be legitimized or not. And that idea was interesting to him, so much so that he spent most of the rest of class thinking about it instead of his Greek.

It's not that Learner thinks the Bible is illegitimate; far from it. From what he knows of the world's religions (which, granted, is hardly exhaustive), the Scriptures seem the most curious and compelling story told. And "curious" and "compelling" are two of Learner's favorite adjectives - whether describing religion or anything else - and count for a lot in his mind with regard to authenticity.

But Learner says he wonders why other books can seem almost as curious and compelling, or at least have been so to millions of people of other religions throughout history? For instance, he wonders, what does a class with a professor teaching the Koran - outlining and diagramming it, devoting weeks and months and eventually years to it as Learner is and will do - actually look like? Would it feel similar to what he's doing now? He guesses it probably would.

Walking through the seminary's library, Learner is repeatedly reminded of just how much has been thought and written about the Bible. Would the Koran (or any other "holy" book) hold together as well and as easily as the Bible seems to (for it really does, he thinks)? Truly? Objectively? If so, what does that mean? What if not? Would the feeling of literary justification be the same? Greater? Less?

Is the Bible still around as the world's bestseller because it's truly inspired, or because the study of it through the ages has merely kept it on people's shelves over time as historic, interesting literature? Have centuries of study and spin (for the two inevitably go together to some degree) had anything to do with why it's still around?

Or maybe it really is true that God preserves and protects His Word, which would, of course, be "the right answer," kind of like "Jesus" is the answer to most questions asked in Learner's children's Sunday School classes ("I know the answer's 'Jesus,' but it sure looks like a squirrel to me," as the joke humorously goes).

In thinking through some of this, Learner says that the Bible is strangely becoming both more and less important in his mind. And that dual transition, he says, is weird not only to consider, but also to explain, as it seems both healthy and dangerous at the same time.

Playgroup With an Agenda

As this morning is Mrs. Learner's last Ancient and Medieval Church History class, Learner is taking their children over to Albert's house off-campus so their kids can hopefully entertain each other while the two fathers cram for their big Greek vocabulary quiz this evening.

Think of it as "playgroup with an agenda," he says.

Morning Time

Learner made an early run to Krispy Kreme with The Renaissance Man this morning. I was a little groggy, but tagged along anyway. The time seemed to do Learner some good, both due to TRM's being a willing listener to Learner's processing, as well as that this was the first morning in two months Learner has been up before 6 a.m.

Just before dawn has always been Learner's favorite time of day, he says, as it seems only he and God are awake and when the good Lord seems most available to talk. That is, until Learner's three-year-old gets up at 7 a.m. and gleefully announces, "It's morning time!"

The morning, then, is over.

The Need for Resolution

The seminary campus – having been torn up most of the summer in the name of architectural progress – is probably at its worst right now. The place looks like an upper middle class war zone, with students cutting across grass (a pet peeve of Learner’s) as the normal sidewalks are all torn up and other optional paved paths are a whole ten seconds out of the way to use. Yesterday, a dump truck hit a power pole and electricity for just about the entire campus – including the student apartments – was out most of the day.

The property’s condition makes for an accurate metaphor of Learner’s frame of mind right now. With just ten days to go before the summer semester is over, he’s very much a wreck emotionally, worn down by ten solid weeks of Greek and two overlapping weeks of spending mornings with his four children in what has seemed an ever-shrinking apartment. He just feels unresolved, much like the wretched state of the campus he sees everyday.

Resolution - that state of being in which conflict yields to contentment - is becoming more and more a commodity Learner wonders if he’ll ever know or have. Worse, he says, he has lost hope that anyone else in the world is experiencing true resolution as well. For once, he'd like to meet somebody who truly has it all together...and isn't afraid to say so and live accordingly.

Learner says he remembers from an early age putting people - whether baseball players or ministers - on pedestals and admiring them, as this gave him a feeling of security and hope for his future that he might one day be like them. After all, that's what can happen when you grow up and get good at something.

Unfortunately, he has grown up to understand the sad reality that, indeed, no one can ever be perfect, and alas, no one is. This fact makes looking to someone as an example all the more difficult, he says, as so much of his current depression stems from the fact that everyone he meets and gets to know has as many issues as he does.

This, Learner says, is part of the problem with the current publishing and music industries (as well as the whole blogging phenomenon): it used to be that only "great" people wrote books and recorded music; now anybody (including him) can do it, and that just doesn't seem right when you look back across history and consider the great works of literature and song. (I assured him it was the same to some degree during my day, but I'm not sure he believes me.)

This is what I’ve heard Learner say. I hardly agree with all of it, but I do know it's affecting him and his family. He said that today at lunch, his three-year-old offered a blessing for the food, and then prayed that "Daddy wouldn't be too mad at us. Amen."

He didn't show it outwardly, but Learner said his heart broke inside.

Amen indeed.

Narcissistic Navel-Gazing?

It's frightening (to Learner) and exciting (to me), but it appears that we might have some actual readers, as evidenced by a few recent emails I've received from Carl, Wayne, and Rebecca.

Like the world needs more narcissistic navel-gazing blogs, Learner says. I remind him that I'm the one writing about him and his seminary endeavors, so technically, it can't be considered narcissism. It's more like reporting, with somewhat of a personal bias and unbelievably unlimited access.

He says I'm splitting literary hairs and can't believe that anyone would waste their time reading my observations of his life. I remind him that if he doesn't want me writing about his life, then he shouldn't talk to me about it as much as he does.

The conversations we have, after all, are literally non-stop.

Q&A?

Recently, while reading the seminary's quarterly (read: fundraising) magazine, Learner appreciated the transcription of the seminary president's report from the denominational convention in June.

Called to give his annual address, the seminary president stated that if the evaluation came down to a growing enrollment, a balanced budget, and a good reputation, his report would be short and encouraging. But he went on to pose a different question for evaluation: Is what the seminary is doing making a difference?

Learner said he liked the question...and wondered about the answer.

His Own Best Friend

Learner and his family have been rather extroverted this weekend: a seminary ice cream social on Friday night, a 24-hour visit on Saturday from Learner's father (for grandchildren and tourism purposes), and church on Sunday morning (with spur-of-the-moment lunch invitation from another family and a planned dinner with Albert and his clan - both meals very enjoyable), and that's that. Weekend over.

All-out extroversion is rare for Learner. Make no mistake, he's good with people, but easily exhausted by them as well. Much of this comes from his temperament (not a hint of sanguine in him); other parts come from a healthy degree of selfishness and a propensity to be by himself whenever possible (Mrs. Learner swears he's his own best friend because he likes to be alone so much).

After getting his kids in bed (though not yet asleep), Learner made the comment that he might have overdosed this weekend with the wee ones. A statement like this never goes over well with Mrs. Learner, but after a week full of half days in the morning and a weekend of 24/7 presence, he says the library's looking pretty good.

One highlight of the weekend: Learner taught his oldest to ride a bike, an experience that he says was both wonderful and anticlimactic at the same time. Wonderful in that his desire to turn it into a teachable moment of trust (i.e. his oldest trusting him in the process) was fulfilled; anticlimactic in that the whole thing only took about 20 minutes or so and, while he's glad for the short length, he wonders if anybody could have done it just as easily as he did.

By his own self-inflicted, semi-ridiculous thinking, the guy can't win.

The Learner Equation: C=MDiv

Learner just got his Greek grammar exam back.

70%. A nice round number, he says.

Mouth Wide Shut

From Learner's reading tonight - 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 (ESV):

"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth.

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'"

Very much what Learner needed to read/hear this evening, as he is surrounded by people who are seemingly and consistently at least ten times smarter than he is. It's humbling, he says.

The good news is that he's grown enough in the past ten years to not open his mouth and pretend he can keep up; the other news is that he's not sure he could even if he tried.

Living with the Messiness of the Bible

You'll pardon me for yet another entry concerning Learner's Greek class, but it is, after all, what has consumed his summer thus far. Last night was his grammar final exam and, he says, it was a doozy. He thinks he may have passed it, but that's as far as he'll hope.

As has been typical all summer, after the exam and a drink break (not the kind Learner could have used at the time, but it was liquid at least), there was still an hour of lecture left of the three-hour class period. Learner's professor - a gracious man whose stated grading goal is to give Learner and his classmates points whenever possible rather than take them away - began a discussion on more complicated Greek syntax with a brief historical analysis of 1 John.

Concepts. Ideas. History. Controversy. Perspective. Truth. Finally.

The highlight for Learner (and, it seemed, for the rest of the class), was a brief discussion on the translation of 1 John 2:2, which says (according to Learner's own translation):

"And he (Christ) is the propitiation for our own sins, and not only for our sins, but also for the whole world."

"For the Calvinists in the room," the professor said, "you need to wrestle with this." There was a slight murmur among the Calvinists which, at this seminary, is just about everybody. Then the professor, disclosing his own Calvinist alignment, gave this passionate admonition: "You must learn to live with the messiness of the Bible. Our theological systems are maps; the Bible is the actual ground."

The room was silent, that is until Learner, feeling a desire to respond out of gratitude for the professor's words, simply said, "Thank you."

Last night, Learner dreamt about living with the messiness of the Bible. He says it was good but fitful sleep, which seems about right.

Mrs. Learner Goes to School

Today marks the first day of Mrs. Learner's academic exploits, as she starts an intensive month-long, two-and-a-half-hour a day, five-day a week class on ancient and medieval church history. As she did for him seven weeks ago, Learner took her picture this morning before she headed off, a new student for the first time in roughly ten years.

It was a moment...sort of.

Some might think the two of them insane to try this - that is, earning two full degrees (Learner's four-year Masters of Divinity; Mrs. Learner's two-year Master of Arts and Theological Studies spread over four years to give her a fighting chance) while raising a family of four children six and under stuffed into a three-bedroom apartment.

Perhaps they are (insane, that is), but the fact that the seminary offers a full-ride spouse scholarship is something Learner and his wife have determined they at least need to try to take advantage of; if it doesn't work for their family (and especially for their children's own education, the homeschooling of which rests largely on Mrs. Learner), they'll let it go and readjust.

Still, Learner thinks, how well-used this time would be if he and his wife came away earning two degrees for the price of one? Even if it did not make much long-term difference in terms of ministry path or opportunity (though how could it not?), at least they'll have been good stewards of their minds during this unique time at seminary.

The Lord's Prayer (a la Yoda)

Recalling The Rule of Yoda, here's Learner's ultra-literal translation of The Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 (ESV):

"Thus, therefore you pray:

Our father who art in heaven
Hallowed be your name
Come the kingdom of yours
Be done your will
as in heaven and on earth

Our bread that is daily this day to us give
And forgive us our debts as also we forgive our debtors
And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil"

Wooden his translation is. Still, progress he feels he makes.

Greek Comedy

Last week, I audited Learner's 3-hour Greek class, and did so again this evening. As you might imagine, my Greek is fairly up-to-date (having lived in a culture that speaks the langugage always helps), so my reason for going was different from Learner's. He goes because his course of study requires it; I go for the entertainment.

Lest you think I'm speaking in some strange middle voice (which, of course, Greek has), let me clarify: the entertainment has little to do with the language, but rather with those who are trying to learn it. The suspects are hardly usual (names changed to protect the guilty):

• Cig - a skinny guy who spends his mid-class break outside lighting up for a smoke (it will be interesting to see which church signs him up to be their youth pastor)
• Buzz - a guy who, without exception, has worn a different rock concert T-shirt to each and every different class meeting (and who has a DVD collection that rivals Blockbuster)
  
• Lars - a big guy who mysteriously shows up early for class, leaves his stuff at his seat, exits, and then consistently re-enters 10-15 minutes after the class has started (all this while getting the highest grade in the class)
  
• Brock and Little R - two aforementioned acquaintances, both of whom are super-smart and doing super-well in the class (though they consistently deny this fact to Learner, probably to keep him from feeling badly)
  
• Albert - Learner's study buddy and all around great guy who happens to be breezing through Greek, due largely to his insane 4:30 a.m. study habits (as well the fact that he learns best by teaching others, and Learner needs a lot of teaching)
  

And then there's Learner. The poor guy is struggling, but it's not just with grades; it's with his motivation. After tonight's quiz, he's probably pulling a C in the class, but all that could drastically change for the worse with the upcoming exam on Monday over the entire 30 chapters of the Greek grammar they've been using. His goal is to pass it, nothing more, as his aspirations aren't that high right now.

I suppose what's most interesting to me about Learner and his mates is that, with their baseball caps and scruffy shaves, it's hard to imagine ANY of these young men as pastors of a church. Granted, that's what seminary is for, but it seems they - Learner especially - have a ways to go before becoming shepherds of any flock.